It’s not hard to fall in love with an inanimate object; I’ve fallen in love with books, with a breeze on a hot day, with sandwiches. But I never got any attention for it! This moose, however, is garnering tons of attention for its infatuation with an inanimate object: a statue of a moose.
A moose in Grand Lake, Colorado has fallen for a literally statuesque doppelganger and observers are amused. The statue, erected (lol) less than a week ago, has become the subject of the admiration of a local bull moose. The local bull moose has been seen repeatedly and frequently “mounting” the statue in question. And he doesn’t just jump right in: being the gentle lover that moose are known as, the moose provides foreplay, “nuzzling, and kiss[ing] as he walks around” before “he gets on top,” said a local.
Other locals have provided incredible insight into this phenomena: “The strange thing is he’s trying to mate with a statue,” said one observer, who claims his name is Bob Balink but is obviously Sherlock Holmes.
No efforts have been made to stop the moose from mounting his one true love, even though this can hardly be good for the statue’s paint job.
Both statue and living moose are males, (or the statue is OF a male, rather.) Unfortunately, despite acceptance of civil unions, gay marriage is still illegal in Colorado, adding another barrier to the love between these two moose (the other barriers being ‘moose aren’t allowed to get married,’ and ‘you can’t say “I do,” if you’re a statue,’ and ‘I’m pretty sure even living moose can’t talk.’) Does this story lend credence to all those nutjobs who say gay marriage is a slippery slope to people marrying chairs and stuff? Whelp, my mind’s made up, I’m a bigot now I guess.
Meanwhile, humans still buy creepily realistic sex dolls and fall in love with roller coasters, so maybe we’re not so different from moose, after all.
The picture above is one of the more tame images; click here for slightly more explicit moose-on-moose-statue images, if you’re into that kind of thing.
This story kind of reminds me of a statue in my college town (Worcester, Mass.) called Turtle Boy. I’m not sure what it’s supposed to look like, but I know what it DOES look like:
PS: Yes, I did have to look up the plural of moose when I was writing this.