Written RamblesModern Slang Terms That Really, Really Need To Be DiscontinuedTyler Vendetti

I like to think I’m open-minded about slang terms. Over the past few months, I’ve allowed myself to type LOL in a couple of text messages (before quickly replacing it with Hahaha) and sometimes, I even add a hushed “YOLO Swag” to the end of every sentence (ironically, of course). However, in talking with some friends, I realized that the slang universe is transforming into a very weird, very scary entity that specializes in making me feel uncomfortable. Don’t know what I mean? Here are some terms I found that really, really creep me out.

Thirsty (adj.): desperately wanting someone

Ex. I’m so thirsty for Leonardo Dicaprio.

Does this trace back to some sort of vampire fetish? Or did someone just decide that “I want him” was too normal? Is that so preposterous? To say that you simply desire someone? Or must all love interests be reduced to liquid imagery now? If I missed that memo, please continue to leave me out of the loop because the very thought of it leaves a very unsettling taste in my mouth. Don’t make a thirsty joke there. Not even in your head. Stop it.

Man Steak (n.): a very attractive man

Ex. Adam Levine is such a man steak.

Again, with the food references. As far as I know, the country is not experiencing a food shortage so someone please explain to me why this phrase is so enticing. Actually, no, don’t. I have a feeling I’d hear some NSFW explanations that I don’t particularly care for. All I’m asking is that we substitute Man Steak for like, Awesome Guy or Male With Pretty Face, or something.

143 (phrase): “I Love You”

We’re not robots. Not yet. We don’t need to rush our transformation into drones by replacing human emotion with numbers. The only people exempt from this rule are Math and Computer Science majors who are dating other Math or Computer Science Majors because dating slang that relates to mutually shared geekiness is the cutest. For example:

cat ion

Perfectly acceptable.

Fat Finger (v.): making a mistake while typing on a computer

Ex. Oh, did I say I wanted to kiss you? Silly me. I meant to type ‘I want to kill you.’ I must have fat fingered it.

You can save a lot of people a lot of discomfort by switching “fat fingered” with “my fingers must have slipped” or even simply “Autocorrect.” Fat finger makes me think of one of those giant sports gloves that you wear at football games to annoy the people behind you. I’ve never actually heard this phrase in real life, as it apparently is more common in the techie world, but I hope I never have to experience it.

Ratchet (n.): a promiscuous hot mess

As if we needed another derogatory name for women. Ratchet, which was popularized by LL Cool J’s song by the same name, describes a diva-esque woman. While some people claim it can have positive connotations (“young, wild, and free”), I personally think it’s just another term rap singers can insert into their songs to degrade people a little more. I also can’t shake the image of that video game Ratchet & Clank from a few years back, which is also probably a factor in my confusion over this word.

Ratchet

This guy. Mouse. Fox. Thing.

Jelly (adj.): jealous

The word jelly gets under my skin like no other. I’ve tried to embrace it. Really, I have, but every time I try to get the word out of my mouth, I end up saying “I’m gellin’” because that sounds a little more natural in my mind and then everyone asks me how Dr. Scholls is doing and you know what, I don’t need that sass. (He’s doing just fine, thanks for asking.) Plus, another food reference just automatically turns me off.

Jelly

Really? IS THIS WHAT YOU ARE?

Like I said, I’m all for interesting slang, as long as it does not make me want to cover my ears and never speak to another human again. These are the slang words that bother me, but what do you all think? Do you disagree with my choices? Did I miss any? What words do you think should be discontinued?

Image via Quickmeme.com

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  1. Am I the only one? Or that is really buggs other people when someone uses the words “I want to have quality time with someone” when they actually mean, do sexual things to them?

  2. I thought the first one was going to say “Leonardo decaprisun” never been more disappointed in my life :P
    I haven’t even heard half of these and I’m only 19. I must just be behind the new fangled hip lingo these days

  3. 143 is not new slang. It originates circa the early 90s. Its was created during a time when we were trying to figure out how to write words on the original pagers…like the ones that only some Drs use now. now let’s do this together…..count how many letters…..I=1 LOVE=4 YOU=3….143…..get it? got it? good.

  4. I so glad I found this, people at work have been saying “Fat finger” all week in relation to a problem we found and I had NO idea what it meant!
    And I agree with many people below, Jelly and Cray Cray NEED to go.

  5. Ratchet is a lombax! … Anyways, back on point now. Besides jelly, I’ve never heard anyone say any of these things. I must be really out of the loop, or just hanging out with the right people.

  6. Everything you wrote, plus everything everyone said in the comments drives me crazy. I also can’t stand text-speak. I don’t even text in text speak. I’m 23 years old and I don’t understand that nonsense. I usually either don’t respond and then get hit with, “Y u no ansr me?!” To which I also ignore and then they call and ask, “Did you not get my texts?” and my response is something along these lines, “Oh I got them, I just didn’t understand what you were trying to say. Or were you asking me something? I was very confused.” And then they get mad and don’t text me for a while. Haha. I used to understand that it was necessary to abbreviate because the text could only have so many words. But honestly, if what you’re saying takes more than 1000 characters, why not just call me? OK, I digress. Sorry for ranting on your blog here.

    • Yes to all of those things. I personally hate when someone texts something like “kewl” instead of “cool.” They are the same exact amount of letters. That was not any easier to type. I just…I don’t understand.

      • Tyler, Just found your literary genius online. I am amazed at how well you see the world. I will be waiting for more witty insight in the future. I would like to be the first Tylerite…………. Have a fantastic writing life. #1 Tylerite.

  7. I haven’t heard this recently, but in high school it became popular shorten the word ridiculous to just “ridic” and use it to describe absolutely everything. Earned an A on your test-that’s ridic, failed your test-that’s ridic also.

  8. Is it odd, that I hardly know any of these terms? Or should I just consider myself lucky?

  9. One slang term which is still in moderate use in my area is “hella,” which apparently means “extremely” or “very much,” i.e. “It got hella busy at work today, and it sucked!” I think it sounds idiotic, right along with “YOLO.” I also find it irritating how frequently people post the acronym “fml” in their newsfeeds. A good percentage of the time, their life-shattering post of dejection and misery really doesn’t seem that terrible. “I went to the store, but they were out of corn chips. FML! I caught a cold. FML! Granted, things could’ve gone better, but it really isn’t worth cursing your entire life over, or is it? Fortunately, “tubular” has gone the way of the Betamax. To refer to something as having a tube-shape in order to denote its awesomeness seems at least a little bizarre. One that isn’t really a slang term but still causes me some cynicism is when people ask “Right?” at the end of your statement. It’s mostly girls who seem to do this. I might make a statement such as, “There’s nothing to do in this town.” to which they’ll reply, “Right? Right?” as if they’re seeking my validation. Why are they asking me if it’s right? They don’t need me to verify a question they asked. I made a statement to them. Right? Those seem to be at the top of my rant list for the moment, so I will bid you all a good night. This actually brings up another peculiar habit of people (mainly teenaged stoners) using “peace” as a term of farewell.

    • FML… when people started using it I was like, ” hey, I didn’t say that!” my initials are FML… it would freak me out as if people were putting words in my mouth…
      LOL… ? I hate LOL. When I laugh out loud, the sound that comes out of my mouth is hahahaha or something close. the words *laugh out loud* go no where near my mouth trying to be heard.

    • I’ve never really thought about it before but “Right?” at the end of a sentence really doesn’t make sense. Like, at all.

  10. I’ve been living in Europe for the past 8 years and (fortunately) haven’t heard most of these, with the exception of 143 and jelly. They all sound pretty annoying though. To this list of slang that makes me want to rupture my own eardrums, I would like to add: adorbs (ugh), cray, totes, yolo, and “i die” (you know, when people see a photo of something totes adorbs and they comment “i die” as though they’re dying from the cuteness? is it that hard to type out the whole thing.) Maybe I just got old. But the idea of hearing that kind of stuff on a regular basis makes me hesitate about ever moving back. The French have slang, too, but since it’s not my maternal language, it is somehow less offensive to my ears…

  11. Man, you got to embrace the language as it creates new ways of expression by giving different meanings to different words. I believe this deformed and twisted mash up of words will -as a reflection of our deformed and twisted society- transform language into something we can’t even imagine now. Plus is fucking hilarious.

  12. 143 is not new. It’s from when we had pagers and we could only use numbers. 435 was yes, 170 was no, 41 for hi, etc. 143= I love you. 637=Always and forever. Oh it takes me back!

  13. i prefer slang that actually lengthens a word, making it less time efficient to say. For example, “For funsies, take a nappy, tradesies for keepsies?!”–you get the idea. Drives my husband NUTSo., for realsies.

  14. I say ratchet, thirsty and jelly, and I probabbly won’t stop anytime soon. my regards.

  15. Love this!

  16. Totes! Cray cray! Can’t stand either of those!

  17. On the bright side, at least jealousy now comes in many delicious flavours.