Missing Nancy Drew Mysteries

One of the best Christmas surprises for me this year was how thrilled my nine year old niece was when she opened a box set of Nancy Drew mysteries. I had seen her obsess over Wii games and Taylor Swift albums in the past, but I had no idea that she loved reading the way I did when I was a little nine year old bookworm.

However, as she started reading the titles aloud, I realized that even though Nancy Drew’s adventures have eternal appeal, they omit some very important mysteries that need solving:

The Curse of the Student Loans

Nancy Drew has made her keen mind even keener by studying Art History at a fully accredited private university. Now a graduate, she decides to move to trendy SoHo to set up an Art Gallery/Detective Agency/Tea Lounge. The only problem is she can’t afford the start up fees because of her student loans! Can Nancy uncover a way to stop the interest rates from continually rising or is she doomed to forever be in debt to Bryn Mawr College?

The Sign of the Drunk Text

On a dark and stormy Saturday night, Nancy receives a strange text from a friend: “HIIIIGGH. ARGH YOU WAKE? I NEED YOUZ.” It’s from Damien, a street tough Nancy met at a dance party who has a heart of gold, but a dark past. All of Nancy’s deductive reasoning skills are put to the test when she has to puzzle whether or not Damien is drunk and in love with her, drunk and in lust with her or drunk and being held captive in a train car by drug dealers from the wrong side of the tracks. Complicating things is the fact that Nancy needs to get some sleep because there’s an early morning trip to a pumpkin patch she has to make. Is Damien in trouble or is Nancy?

The Secret of the Gym Bunny

After signing up to run a half marathon, Nancy joins a discount gym in her neighborhood to get in shape! Things are going well until she notices a peculiar lady always running beside her. The woman is running before Nancy arrives, runs faster than Nancy can sprint and is still running after Nancy leaves. What’s even eerier is that the woman never sweats! She wears Juicy Couture pajama bottoms and diamond earrings while she runs. How is she able to stay beautiful the whole time? Why doesn’t she need to wear a sports bra? Is she a vampire? Nancy has got to get to the bottom of this, all while juggling the unwanted advances of a bro who winks at her while he pumps irons and her nervousness around the cute towel guy.  Twist ending!

The Clue in the Facebook Profile

When lovely and intelligent and titian-haired Nancy Drew meets a charming and nebbishly handsome blogger at a party, sparks fly! All signs point to a love connection. However when she friends him on Facebook, it’s unclear whether or not her love interest, Malcolm, is single or available. There’s no relationship status on his page and he’s constantly photographed with attractive women. Nancy has to use all of her online research skills to get to the bottom of Malcolm’s relationship status without being seen as a crazy internet stalker!  

The Mystery of the European Debt Crisis

Nancy is on vacation with her friends in Greece when a local tells them that soon the entire nation could be ruined by financial disaster. Nancy’s friend, Bess Marvin, is upset because she wanted to sail on a yacht before the vacation was over, but all the yachts are being sold for scrap metal to fuel the economy! Determined to turn things around for Greece, Europe and the rest of the world, Nancy puts her clever mind to the task of unraveling what went wrong with the European economy and how she and her friends can fix it. A must read for Nancy Drew fans and global economists everywhere!

Well…okay…maybe these are just the mysteries that I want solved.

Featured image source.


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