Are You There Blog? It's Me Caragh Missed Connections People Could Write for Me Caragh Poh

Red Line Quincy Adams Stop – M4W – 25

We rode together from South Station in Boston until you got off at the Quincy Adams Stop. You appeared super nervous to just exist on public transportation and applied hand sanitizer to most of your exposed body parts every 15 minutes. When you got off at your stop, I noticed you had the pointy part of your keys sticking out between the fingers of your closed fist, which is definitely a trick I’ve seen on self defense programs on Lifetime: Television for Women. Just wanted to say that I appreciate a woman who is constantly nervous about getting murdered. E-mail me if you want to meet in a very public and safe location.

Roche Bros Grocery Store – M4W – 32

I saw you walking up and down the bread aisle last Tuesday looking more lost than someone on that TV show called Lost where everyone was super lost. You nervously jingled your keys as you traversed up and down the aisle 16 times before looking like you were going to cry. You had a general look of “giving up” across your face before asking an employee where the salad wraps were. When he told you they were in the deli aisle, you smiled and said thank you. As soon as he left, your eyes turned into evil slits and you whispered “why the f*** would a bread product be near bologna?” Your anger toward things that don’t matter is a real turn on because I’m mentally unhealthy. E-mail me.

Massachusetts DMV – M4w – 22

Me: Waiting in line to renew my license. Black jeans, red shirt, glasses.

You: Redhead in pajamas. Spent whole time looking down at phone, ignoring everyone real around her. You had the ambiance of a woman who prefers social media over real social situations. Whenever you looked down at your phone, your double chin reared prominent. Your bangs looked as if you accidentally got drunk on wine one afternoon and cut them yourself. You started to pick at a pimple before realizing you were in public. E-mail me, ugly nerds with no social skills and bad skin are my type.

Looking Like You Wanted to Die in BSU Library – M4W – 23

You sat in the school library from 1:30 in the afternoon until closing at 11:45. You started off fresh-faced and rearing to go, but by 6 you appeared slightly sweaty and frantic. Definitely heard you mumble something about how you “can’t wait to move to the mountains with Ray Lamontagne” where you apparently planned to “raise orphaned baby foxes together”.  A few times I looked over and you were crying into your MacBook, getting tears all in your keyboard area. I hope you know water damage isn’t covered by Apple Care. I really enjoyed the way you repeatedly covered your eyes with your hands as you whispered “oh no, oh no, oh no, oh no, there’s no way I can pass this test.” At one point you walked by me to go to the bathroom and I could notice you forgot to put on deodorant and your shirt was on backwards and inside out. I’m not posting this to ask for your number. I’m posting this to ask you to stay away from me. If I knew your name, I would get a restraining order.

Image via ShutterStock

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  1. I loved this! Being a South Shore girl I can totally relate! That Roche Bros is really confusing!

  2. SO funny, Caragh! How did you think of this?! :)

  3. “Just wanted to say that I appreciate a woman who is constantly nervous about getting murdered.” This is really doing it for me.

  4. Will you marry me.

    Ali Ashbaker | 5/15/2012 12:05 pm
  5. I really love the first one. but all of them…

  6. I just want you to know I laughed into my salad while reading this on my break from school. I became a real life “woman laughing and eating salad” because of this piece. Thanks?

  7. So hilarious, Caragh.

  8. This is possibly my favorite thing you have ever written, and you should know that’s saying something.

  9. LOVE this post. Thank you, Caragh; hilarious!!! :)

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