I’m always so impressed by people who can really tune everything out in a yoga class, even their own thoughts. I get so distracted by my classmates, the teacher, my own physical ailments and food. My mind will never shut up.
Here is a typical yoga class in my mind.
My Yoga Flow
- Begin class in child’s pose: My thoughts take me to breakfast. What will I have today? Yogurt with granola and banana? Toast with peanut butter and banana? Whatever it is, it will definitely involve banana. What about oatmeal? I know I always say it’s pretty boring, but maybe I can really go for it today and have a real adventurous bowl of oatmeal.
- Warrior 1: This isn’t too bad. I could definitely do yoga everyday. Maybe I’m the best in the class.
- Chair Pose: Why am I here? When will this end?
- Prematurely ending chair pose while the rest of the class continues: I’m definitely the worst in the class.
- Return to child’s pose: You know what? I’m gonna go for it. I’ll make that oatmeal.
- Warrior 2: Begin to sing Pat Benatar’s “I Am the Warrior” in my head. Yoga is the best! I am strong. “I am the warrior.” As we continue to hold the pose, I question my strength and the teacher’s motives.
- Side Plank: Get me out of here. Why am I so sweaty? Is anyone else sweating? Okay, everyone’s sweating. I’m good. I’m gonna be okay. Why are we still holding this pose?!
- Bound Side Angle Pose: Who can even do this? Look around to find everyone in the class performing a bind. Work up the courage to attempt it and fall.
- Get in child’s pose as quickly as possible. Maybe no one noticed your fall. No such luck; the instructor begins to talk about the importance of trying and failing in yoga. “Success is not permanent. The same is also true of failure.” Well, I’ve got news for you, teacher, failure is permanent. I’m never coming back!
- Runner’s Lunge: Another lunging position? Ugh, fine. I’ll do it but as half-heartedly as possible. Bend slightly in the leg, look down at shin, and realize how badly you have to shave. How can I always miss that spot while shaving? That is one failure that’s not going to be permanent.
- Tree Pose: I’m stretching my roots. I’m growing branches. I am strong again.
- Pigeon: Yuck, pigeons are the worst. Seriously disgusting. In fact, they are known in New York City as rats with wings. Whatever. Attempt the stretch, Oh, dear God this is painful. It’s as if my limbs are being gnawed by – you guessed it – flying rats. Teacher is saying relax. I want to scream why don’t you try relaxing when your limbs are being gnawed by flying rats?
- Core work: That’s my cue to lie down.
- Shavasana or corpse pose: Scratch the oatmeal. This class took a lot out of me. I’m going for a bagel with peanut butter and banana and a large coffee, extra cream.
Start with thoughts of breakfast and end with thoughts of breakfast. My yoga always comes full circle.
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