As we all know, Mike Huckabee recently declared his support for Chick-Fil-A after the fast food chain’s president, Dan Cathy, confirmed that his company supported the “biblical definition of the family unit.” Going above and beyond an ordinary amount of support, the former Repulican Governer of Arkansas has declared August 1 Chick-Fil-A Appreciation Day in an effort to show off his undying love for those chicken sandwiches.
That’s right. Instead of saying, “I support Chick-Fil-A’s terrible stance as a hateful company who doesn’t want to see people happy if they don’t adhere to ancient scripture of an organized religion,” he is giving Chick-Fil-A an entire day of appreciation.
Here is a list of more important things Mike Huckabee could be doing instead of organizing a day for Americans to eat subpar chicken sandwiches from a fast food joint:
- Teach a young child to read
- Find out where America can cut costs so we can start up the space shuttle program again
- Google “dogs wearing sunglasses”
- Look under fallen logs for salamanders
- Come up with cool nicknames for himself (i.e. Mike “Shoot ‘Em Up” Huckabee, or MC Huckz)
- Clean out his inbox
- Figure out what Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts is up to these days
- Anything at all
Maybe I’m jumping the gun here, but I’m beginning to think that Mike Huckabee is totally gay for Chick-Fil-A.
Mike Huckabee wants to take Chick-Fil-A behind the middle school and get it pregnant. Mike Huckabee wants to re-enact the dirtiest scenes from Fifty Shades of Grey with Chick-Fil-A. Mike Huckabee just met Chick-Fil-A and wants it to to call him, maybe.
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