Men Not to Date

Throughout our history of dating, we encounter more than enough types of gentlemen we would rather forget. They are stored in our minds as cautionary tales for friends and for ourselves, just in case we are ever close to repeating past mistakes. Here is a short list of the caliber of men to avoid. Feel free to add your own!

Mr. Unavailable: He comes in different forms. He may be Mr. Big from Sex and the City or that too-good-to-be-true guy from high school. Whatever the case, this creature is never around when needed. That is his specialty. He is prone to cancel dates, meetings and family dinners at the drop of a hat, no matter how important they may be to you. This gentleman cares for one person and one person only –  himself. You see yourself uprooting your life and habits in an effort to accommodate him, yet nothing is enough to bridge the gap between you two since he can’t/won’t make the effort. He is not accustomed to change, so don’t expect a red-carpet welcome and weekend trips. Trying to delve into a deep and meaningful conversation is the equivalent of pulling teeth. There are different forms of unavailability. He may be any of the following: a narcissist, a Mama’s boy, emotionally crippled or lusting for a former love. If he is this unavailable, don’t leave a message after the beep.

The Aggressor: He is a textbook bully. He is accustomed to getting everything his way through intimidation, no matter how subtle or blatant. Through the toxic powers of passive-aggressive mental game-play, he has a way to keep you under his control. He will never be the one to offer you praise or compliment you in a new dress. He is insanely jealous, has a list of people he resents and refuses to accept criticism. There is little room for negotiation or a debate with such a person. He might undermine your self-esteem and confidence, or blame you for his own problems in an effort to keep you from leaving. Whether through physical, emotional or mental abuse, The Aggressor will try to exploit you. If a relationship leaves you worried for your safety, LEAVE!

Mr. Too-Keen: I could never trust a guy who, within hours of meeting, declares his love, buys concert tickets six months away and makes too many references to me on social media. The antithesis of Mr. Unavailable, this guy will mimic your style, quote you on a regular basis and turn into your house cat. While having a guy be so forward isn’t always a bad thing, beware of the “Serial Nester.” This guy would be someone like Ted Mosby, who is often desperately looking for a partner in an effort to not fly solo. Mr. Too-Keen will have a rich history of girlfriends, use designer hand lotion and never be short on girl-talk conversation starters. This guy will lose himself in the comfort of a relationship and you will dump him using the “I’ve outgrown you” line.

Honorable mentions: Perpetual liars, guys with fake tans (a la Jersey Shore), guys that are hesitant to pay for both movie tickets, guys that mention exes on a first date, guys that decorate their walls with nudie posters, men who are rude to waiters, bad spellers (that’s just my own shallow thought), anyone who admires Chris Brown, men who wax their eyebrows, alcoholics, shop-lifters, pyromaniacs, xenophobes, religious fanatics, guys you meet in your therapist’s office, guys that follow every single thing their friends do, married men and men who don’t wear deodorant on a date.

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