Champagne Problems

Mean Girls Are SO Yesterday

Ack. What is up with Mean Girls? Is this really a thing? Like the a thing where you befriend a girl, tell her your deepest thoughts about life and the things that are most sensitive to you because you are human being filled with awesomeness but are inherently flawed (because, well, you are human) then one mini fight erupts which triggers her inner mean girl and sends her on a world tour of spilling the evil beans about you as she single-handedly attempts to tarnish your reputation and doesn’t even have the balls to face you like a man-woman? It’s Gross Town, USA, kitten heads, and on top of that, it’s so cheesy. You heard me. Cheese-fest. Bring out the feta, cause this girl’s about to get a handful of Greek Salad (what?). Being a mean girl is so 2001.

Other hip bloggers can vouch – especially my favorite pastime Perez Hilton will tell you, being mean for the sake of being mean is no longer where it’s at. I’m sorry that in your youth you were taught to stand strong and protect your feelings against all odds, thus making you a ball buster. But today, with every form of social media at our fingertips, being harsh makes you look just plain dumb. People are people and most of them don’t wake up in the morning thinking, “I am going to be evil today. Just plain evil.” I mean, there very well could be people like that who exist but they aren’t ever invited to brunch with me and my handful of laughing-all-the-time friends.

Today, mean girls are losers. Point. Blank. That’s it. There is nothing else to say about it. If you find yourself causing more drama than happiness, you are a mean girl. Spreading rumours. Hurting feelings. Twisting the truth. And, never facing the person at all. Come on, lady, you are irritating the rest of the happy world. It’s not our fault that your walls are up. You can make that change for yourself with a lottery or a trip to Santa Barbara (people love Santa Barbara). Just do something that makes you less harsh to the touch.  It’s not our fault you don’t understand forgiveness and make an effort to show the world that you don’t care about others because you are a “tough chick with a fiery goal.” Barf town. The world can end quicker than you think and we really do have to live life like it’s our last even though you get caught in your fifteen hour workday, you should still make time to be kind.

My group of friends are in every aspect of entertainment and you know what? We laugh all the time. Even if you can’t return a phone call, or make it to a wedding, or forget a birthday. We laugh it off. Because we have managed to see the bigger picture of life. If you think everyone is in some world is in cahoots to sabotage you, than you, missy, need to take advantage of a Groupon and hit a vineyard and chill out. This is all in your weird sketchy born brain, so take a hike, mean girl.

Take your yucky attitude and your negative opinions and your world reknown talent for lying elsewhere because it’s time to for the nice girls to call you out. No more bullying. No more behind the back name calling. And for certain, no more trying to pull us happy people down.  You can’t affect us anymore, I have an imaginary force fold around me that I bought at Rite Aid.  So there. And it was on special. Double win. So, go ahead say what you want. Do what you want, I won’t even blink. Because we have the power to not give the mean people power. If we train on brain to disregard the negative, soon enough it doesn’t exist. It’s like magic, but without the black candles and the Ouija board. If you need me,  I will be here standing my ground, being creative and persevering while you peer from the other end of the street otherwise known as mean girl yucky lonely-ville. (Or insert stronger insult here.) Now, if you’ll excuse me, I am going to stuff myself with Reese’s Pieces because I’ve earned. Chubby thighs, here I come.

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