Single Girls Guide Married Friends and Guys Who Like Their Mom Erin Foster

First of all, you should know that the people in this picture are models, not real people. Real people are obviously not that happy with each other.

Anyway…

The other day, my friend was complaining about not having met her husband yet, and our other friend who is just sooooo happily married said, “It always works out the way it’s supposed to.” And my lonely friend was like, “Yeah, everyone always says that when it’s already worked out for them!” She’s right. You get amnesia about what it was like struggling to find someone who compliments you the way you are hoping, once you have found it. It’s like childbirth. You have to forget the pain or else you would never do it again.

As soon as you get a chance to switch teams and be with the ones who have found their soulmate, you do it. You literally go from being one of the girls who’s complaining about there not being any good guys in your city to being the girl who looks at her friends with pity and says things like, “Hang in there, babe.” It’s just the way we’re built, I guess. You’re so appreciative to have your fellow loser friends who have agreed to go in halfsies on a house with you if you never find love, and then the minute a guy with a job and a good relationship with his mom takes your hand, you’re like, “Later, bitches!” Clearly, you are a bad person.

Then, when the dust has settled on your perfect little wedding and you can form a sentence that isn’t about yourself, you start pitching potential husbands to your friends out of the pool of guys you know. But your perspective is off now, and you’re recommending dudes that you would never have gone out with when you were single. You’re even pitching guys that you turned down when you were single. Isn’t it amazing when girls do that? Like, “You should go out with Brad! Oh, brutal, I would never date him, but you totally should. No thanks, honey – I’m single, not desperate. And that’s the distinction I think we really need to nail down right now. Don’t be confused into thinking that because you’re single, you have to be with the first guy who isn’t afraid to get married. Eff that.

Girls always talk about being open to anyone, blah blah blah, but I don’t believe in that. I’ve said it before – I’ve never gained anything by sitting at dinner for two hours with someone I’m not compatible with. I’d get so much more out of spending those two hours looking on a website that highlights the celebrities who have the most cellulite or watching 30 Rock four times or putting a Biore strip on my nose. Sure, there are people who you may think you won’t like before you end up falling in love with them. But I’m gonna be honest with you, it’s never happened to me. How many times can I retell the story of how many sisters I have or how I used to have an eyebrow ring?! It’s such a waste of everyone’s time.

Do I think everything works out the way it’s supposed to? Yeah, I do, but I think that’s because we just work with what life gives us. Not because life is fair and everyone has a soulmate wandering around the world waiting to accidentally run into you. Some people have that moment when they lock eyes and know they found their person; others have to constantly work at it with someone. But finding love is only one piece of the puzzle. It’s a part of who you are, but not the entirety of who you are. And the more focus you put on it, means the less you are focusing on the rest of your life. I believe that the more energy you put into the work you love, the friends who make you happy, the family that supports you, the adventures that entice you… the better it will be when you find someone to share it all with.

I just got deep! Also, everyone who is happily married is dead to me

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  1. Erin, I need you to be my friend! Just the other day, I counted how many weddings I’ve been to since I’ve been an adult (I’m now almost, eek, 30) and that number was 17. So that basically leaves me with NO single friends (or cousins). I’m not quite sure how I became the “odd one out.” How is it that I became friends with only those people who would get married before me? My only single friends left are guys (none that I’d date) so that doesn’t help much when I go out for a drink with the guys. What single, good-looking guy is going to approach me when I’m surrounded by 3 beer-guzzling males?! Ugh, what to do, what to do?

  2. My brain agrees with Miss Erin F. My heart wants somebody to love like, uh, now. I want to create a puzzle, shake it up, and put the pieces together again. Erin reminds me of them for some reason. Thank you.

  3. Dude! Married life is no easier than single life. It’s just different. Can we pleeeeaaase put that myth to death? #lisp

  4. I love this so much! I have had that “hang in there babe” moment waaay too many times!

  5. Do we have our soul mates? If we want to love without defects. One Saint said: “Let your daters be OFF from you. Your soul mate is far far away! Wait”.

  6. While I am not single, I have moved past the no-one-else-exists-but-him phase and into the please-let-me-live-vicariously-through-you phase. Which was nice until she met someone. We have made it through phase one of trying to be a good friend while falling hopelessly in love. We are now doing the couples thing; dinner, wine bars, laughing at people not as happy as us, etc. Here’s the catch: kids. Just wait until your happier than thou friend wants to integrate their children into the mix. Whole ‘nother phase of blech!

  7. So much truth in here. I have to fight the urge to cringe and/or slap any friend who says, “It will all work out the way it’s supposed to” or “You’ll meet him when you’re not looking.” I know they mean well, but … like you say, I think they have forgotten what it felt like to be in my shoes.

  8. this is so true. most of my close friends are now in that “i have a bf now, peace.” stage. it does suck. they only really ever contact you when they don’t have plans with their significant other, or when they do it’s just to talk about their relationship and not what’s new in your life.
    also, being desperate is disgusting, and so pathetic. if friends mention men to me and i’m like “no, thanks.” they always respond with “you’re so picky!” don’t get me wrong, i defiantly believe in giving someone a chance, and testing out the waters. but, i know what i want and don’t want in a relationship, even if i haven’t been in many.
    there are so many amazing things to think about in life, why waste that on finding “the one”.
    i totally agree with you.

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  10. Can we get married?! I totally agree. I have several close friends who are married who say things like that and I think it’s because they assume it’s the nicest thing they CAN say to poor, pathetic single me. I only want to hear “rah rah” when I go through a break up and I only want someone to laugh at my horrendous dating stories without pitying me for them.