Single Girls Guide

Married Friends and Guys Who Like Their Mom

First of all, you should know that the people in this picture are models, not real people. Real people are obviously not that happy with each other.


The other day, my friend was complaining about not having met her husband yet, and our other friend who is just sooooo happily married said, “It always works out the way it’s supposed to.” And my lonely friend was like, “Yeah, everyone always says that when it’s already worked out for them!” She’s right. You get amnesia about what it was like struggling to find someone who compliments you the way you are hoping, once you have found it. It’s like childbirth. You have to forget the pain or else you would never do it again.

As soon as you get a chance to switch teams and be with the ones who have found their soulmate, you do it. You literally go from being one of the girls who’s complaining about there not being any good guys in your city to being the girl who looks at her friends with pity and says things like, “Hang in there, babe.” It’s just the way we’re built, I guess. You’re so appreciative to have your fellow loser friends who have agreed to go in halfsies on a house with you if you never find love, and then the minute a guy with a job and a good relationship with his mom takes your hand, you’re like, “Later, bitches!” Clearly, you are a bad person.

Then, when the dust has settled on your perfect little wedding and you can form a sentence that isn’t about yourself, you start pitching potential husbands to your friends out of the pool of guys you know. But your perspective is off now, and you’re recommending dudes that you would never have gone out with when you were single. You’re even pitching guys that you turned down when you were single. Isn’t it amazing when girls do that? Like, “You should go out with Brad! Oh, brutal, I would never date him, but you totally should. No thanks, honey – I’m single, not desperate. And that’s the distinction I think we really need to nail down right now. Don’t be confused into thinking that because you’re single, you have to be with the first guy who isn’t afraid to get married. Eff that.

Girls always talk about being open to anyone, blah blah blah, but I don’t believe in that. I’ve said it before – I’ve never gained anything by sitting at dinner for two hours with someone I’m not compatible with. I’d get so much more out of spending those two hours looking on a website that highlights the celebrities who have the most cellulite or watching 30 Rock four times or putting a Biore strip on my nose. Sure, there are people who you may think you won’t like before you end up falling in love with them. But I’m gonna be honest with you, it’s never happened to me. How many times can I retell the story of how many sisters I have or how I used to have an eyebrow ring?! It’s such a waste of everyone’s time.

Do I think everything works out the way it’s supposed to? Yeah, I do, but I think that’s because we just work with what life gives us. Not because life is fair and everyone has a soulmate wandering around the world waiting to accidentally run into you. Some people have that moment when they lock eyes and know they found their person; others have to constantly work at it with someone. But finding love is only one piece of the puzzle. It’s a part of who you are, but not the entirety of who you are. And the more focus you put on it, means the less you are focusing on the rest of your life. I believe that the more energy you put into the work you love, the friends who make you happy, the family that supports you, the adventures that entice you… the better it will be when you find someone to share it all with.

I just got deep! Also, everyone who is happily married is dead to me

Featured image via

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