Graphing the Gossip

Madonna's Non-Slip And The Engagements Of Miley and Other Cyruses

Welcome to this week’s installment of Graphing the Gossip, where we look at a regular segment where we take a good hard look at celebrity gossip and the media machine that drives it. Which celebs are getting buzz and why? We look at the graphs produced by Pop Salad — the celebrity game that scores celebs based on their media coverage — and look for interesting patterns in how the sites we love cover the celebs we love-hate.

Madonna demonstrates the power of the ‘nip slip

At a concert in Istanbul this past weekend, Madonna purposely flashed the cheering crowd her right nipple during one of her usual stage gyrations. A front-row fan’s recording of the act went viral the following Monday, catapulting the star to the top of gossip headlines and solidifying the media phenomenon that is widely known and cherished as the ‘nip slip.’ Check out the star’s impressive Pop Salad score the day the story broke. Note: The previous and notably lower jump from earlier this month was during the supposed “feud” with Lady Gaga.

Wait, how is this a ‘nip SLIP’? Didn’t Madonna do this on purpose?

It doesn’t take a certified nip-slipologist to realize that this was no ‘slip’ at all. Madonna intentionally showed her boob to the audience despite past public declarations against that EXACT behavior: “You don’t have to show nipples to be interesting.” Interesting, Madonna. Very interesting.

Regardless, do we really care about the nature of the ‘slip’? The public got what they wanted, and ultimately, so did Madonna: We saw skin, and she saw more media attention than she had in awhile — even while we all believed she was feuding with one of the biggest superstars on the planet. Just as she’s proven time and again over the decades of her career, there’s no denying this veteran knows what she’s doing.

Miley Cyrus’ engagement is darn controversial, y’all

Miley Cyrus announced her engagement to Australian boyfriend Liam Hemsworth on June 6. The singer/actress/unofficial pilates spokesperson subsequently reached the highest score we’ve seen in Pop Salad since the late Whitney Houston’s death — and she stayed there for OVER TWO DAYS.

We see celeb engagements all the time. So what’s so very wonderful about this one?

Nothing, if you believe the media. Despite the fact that they’ve been dating for three years, media outlets talked ad nauseum about how they shouldn’t be engaged at all. She’s too young (at 19) and Liam couldn’t possibly have afforded her ring. Also discussed: What does her family think about this? Better yet, what does Carrie Underwood have to say?

The Cyrus family has a nose for media

Miley Cyrus has a brother named Trace, whose current profession appears to be ‘human tattoo canvas.’ You know him from 2008, when he was in a band called Metro Station and they had a hit song called “Shake It”. He’s been engaged to Disney star Brenda Song for the past year or so (you know her as the crazy chick who sets Eduardo’s scarf on fire in The Social Network). You never cared about it at all.

Until Monday, when they issued a press release announcing the end of their engagement — the same week Miley announced the start of hers.

“Brenda and I have decided to go our separate ways,” said the release. “We split up a couple of months ago. We will continue to focus on our careers.”

Had they issued the release a couple months ago — like, ya know, when they actually split — the story would have been barely a blip on the entertainment radar. But this timing was gossiper’s gold, resulting in a flurry of “OMG CLEARLY THE CYRUS KIDS CAN’T STAY ENGAGED EVER” stories. Trace and Brenda saw scores in Pop Society they could only expect to see again if they decide to commit murder. As a couple. Dressed as Bonnie and Clyde.

Bravo, Team Cyrus.

Main image via Zap2It.

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