I truly believe that I was Macaulay Culkin’s #1 fan. I say “was” because… does he even have fans now? I am going to tell you how I became his #1 fan and continue to carry the title.
My obsession began in November 1990. I was nine. I had just seen Home Alone on the big screen and that was it. Afterwards, I needed to know everything I could about that blond headed Kevin McAllister child star. This was before the Internet so I had to do some serious digging to keep up with my budding fascination. That meant, weekly runs to the local newsstand for Bop, Tiger Beat, Tutti and 16 Magazine. I would flip through the stacks and if I saw even the smallest blurb on Macaulay, I bought it. I learned so much about Macaulay through those magazines, like how to spell his name correctly – like this: M-A-C-A-U-L-A-Y – and his birthday, August 26th 1980, I knew all his siblings in chronological order – first Shane, then Dakota (RIP), Macaulay*, Kieran, Quinn, Christian and Rory. There was even an ‘article’ in one of those magazines about how Mac would eat his pizza backwards, meaning crust first – so awesome, right?! Also, he liked to be called Mac, with a C NOT a K. He wore mismatching high top sneakers and hung out with Michael Jackson, this kid was COOL!
All this fascinating information held me over for some time; I even ate my pizza backwards, looking like a total moron for a few months. But eventually, like all #1 fans, I needed more. If you remember the ’90s teen star magazines, you will for sure remember the fan mail section. This was a page of all the hottest celebs’ addresses c/o their agents, of course! The second I saw Macaulay’s, I wrote him!
Of course he never wrote back, but about a month later, I got a large manila envelope in the mail. Remember, I was nine so to get mail was, like, a HUGE deal. Inside was not a letter, but kinda better – an 8×10 B&W glossy full body shot of Macaulay! He was wearing a blazer? And his signature sneakers and he was standing behind a giant plank of wood? I know weird right? And get this… it was signed in the most beautiful black penned script I have ever seen a 10-year-old write. I mean, the M and C were just fancy. Although I was just nine, I was no idiot. I knew that fancy ink could not have been Macaulay’s real signature, but just to be sure, I wrote him again. And again. And just as I suspected, the same photo with the same exact signature arrived in the mail.
I was pissed. I did what any #1 fan would do: I flipped open the yellow pages found the phone number that corresponded to his agents’ address in Manhattan and called. To my surprise, somebody actually answered! It was his agent and I explained to him that I keep writing and I keep getting that same shot of Mac, would it be possible to get a different one? And can you believe it, but this guy took down my address and within a couple weeks, another manila envelope showed up at my house but this time with a different photo of Macaulay! I was a true 9-year-old hustler! This was a close up head shot, perfect so I could really study Mac’s facial features. I practiced smiling the way he smiled: lips together, slightly moist, bottom lip pouted out a bit. I analyzed his ears. Did you know they are not equal matches at all? In fact, the top part of his right ear points out more than his left.
And this is where it should end, as clearly I was his #1 fan… but no, there is more. The magazine and head shots were piling up and getting kinda messy. I needed to be better organized with my new ‘hobby’ so my dad introduced me to the world of scrap booking! He took me to a store where I picked out a three ring white album with those sticky papers with a clear protective covering and I started to cut out every image or article on Macaulay that I owned and carefully place them in my new album. I would even press pause while watching movies staring Mac and take photos of the TV or photograph magazine clippings of him so I could have more material for my scrapbook. Then my Dad took me into Manhattan to get a Macaulay t-shirt made (which I would never dare wear, it’s just too special)! I even found out the phone number of his school in the city and called pretending to be his Aunt asking to put Macaulay on the phone. But they never did, I guess my 9-year-old voice gave it away.
When Macaulay hosted SNL I stayed up late to watch; when he starred in his own Saturday morning cartoon Wish Kid, I cheered him on even though it kind of sucked. I thought his dramatic role as Thomas J in My Girl was one of his bests, although I think he was way too cute for Vada Sultenfuss. I even had Home Alone 1 and 2 for Super Nintendo and if you remember, they were some horrible games, but I played them because they made me feel closer to Mac.
My fanship with Mac lasted quite a while, all the way up to his 1994 bombs Getting Even With Dad, The Pagemaster and Richie Rich – or what I like to call “the awkward years”. I stood by Mac until he sort of faded out of my life.
So there. I’m pretty sure I proved myself as Macaulay Culkin’s #1 fan and/or a complete psycho. I never did get to meet/see him in real life; the closest I got was seeing his brother Kieran and sister Quinn hanging outside of F.A.O. Schwartz in the ’90s, but it wasn’t the same. They weren’t Mac. And if I do ever see him, all I really want is maybe a photo with him to put in my scrapbook so I can lay that s**t to rest