Misogynist Soup (Low-calorie) girl power, men: the true sufferers of PMS, and street harassment Cézanne Colvin

To make this week’s Misogynist Soup, you will need the following ingredients:

  • Pharrell Williams.
  • The California Milk Processor Board.
  • The streets of Afghanistan.

THE BROTH


Score — it comes in pink, every girl’s favorite color.
Photo via Qream with a Q.

Rapper/singer/record producer Pharrell Williams no longer just composes music — now he’s composing drinks.

Perpetually plagued by his concern for the pleasure of women (as evidenced by lyrics like “Take it off now girl / Take it off / I’m a master, baby / With your bra” or “We gon’ double your heart / Great form lady / Just dim the lights / I’mma beat the [expletive] like you never ever felt before”), he has decided the perfect audience for his new adult beverage are ladies.

After surveying the alcohol market, Pharrell felt like women were being neglected by booze choices — a problem he’s solved with the creation of his liqueur, Qream. Qream will nourish your night with the same alcohol content as wine, but you won’t have to worry about those pesky calories. According to Pharrell, “a woman doesn’t feel like she’s gained ten pounds just by thinking about it, let alone drinking it.” He noted that he wants women to be able to “reward themselves deliciously,” as “women make up half the population and Qream is about celebrating that power.”

I personally can’t wait to kick off Happy Hour by leaving whiskey and beer to the boys and raising a toast to “my power” with a drink that caters to my obvious low-calorie requirement as a woman. Hopefully all these calories we’ll be shaving off won’t have any impact on the “loaf of bread” butts we have that Pharrell so dearly cherishes. Cheers!

Source: Salon.

THE MEAT


You don’t even need a prescription!
Photo via Everything I Do is Wrong.

The California Milk Processor Board of “Got Milk?” fame launched a new campaign that speaks to the media’s most forgotten demographic — straight men, of course!

These lads face a unique monthly burden of getting heckled by premenstruating shrews, but it’s nothing a few drops of calcium can’t remedy. And if there’s any fallout, the campaign also offers some handy phrases to help diffuse the situation, such as “I apologize for letting you misinterpret what I was saying” or “I’m sorry I listened to what you said and not what you meant.” Classic!

Furthermore, secondhand PMS sufferers can visit EverythingIDoIsWrong.org, the campaign’s official website, which reports the “Global PMS Level” (currently red); a “Puppy Dog-eye-zer” so that men can practice their helpless expressions in response to our outbursts; and an “Emergency Milk Locator” in the event the refrigerator is empty when we get super-psycho. Just toss a carton at us, tell us it’s all your fault with a wink, and watch us transform. Surely there’s a Nobel Peace Prize in the making here.

Steve James, executive director of the California Milk Processor Board, describes this campaign as being “funny” and “good-natured”, as the “humor will allow people to laugh at themselves.”

So, next time you’re feeling “passionate” (the campaign’s recommended substitution for words like “irrational”) and bloated as you’re curled up on the crouch nursing your cramps with a heating pad, just laugh. PMS symptoms are a joke and our suffering should be exploited for giggles and milk sales. Ha.

Source: The New York Times.

THE TOPPING


Awesome Afghan women marching in the country’s capital.
Photo via Reuters.

Twenty or so women marched in Kabul, Afghanistan, last week in protest of the harassment they face in public places. Extreme examples of street harassment include acid attacks and gas poisonings to Afghan schoolgirls, but the protestors receive milder forms of this abuse on such a regular basis that it makes even day-to-day living a challenge.

The protest’s organizer, Noor Jahan Ahbar, has faced harassment so intense that she has become hesitant to walk anywhere. “The idea behind street harassment is that women should not be out of their houses,” she said. “We want to fight that mentality because we believe that these streets belong to us as much as they belong to the men of this country.”

Considering there are very few days when I can make the two-block walk to my car from my apartment without someone rolling down their window to comment on my appearance or imply that I exchange sexual services for money, I suppose I should take note that at least American men have evolved from not wanting us outside at all to approving of our presence in the great outdoors but not knowing how to react appropriately when they see us there. But either way? Not funny. Not fair. Not okay.

Source: Reuters.

DIRECTIONS

Combine all ingredients and bring them to a boil, much like my blood pressure is at the moment. You’ll know it’s done when it tastes like misogyny with a hint of “please tell me this isn’t real life.” Enjoy!

comments

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  1. I’m a woman and I get terrible PMS, to the point of not wanting to leave the house. But there is too much drama, too much negativity and too many people being offended for everything everyone says. I think it’s a funny ad and it was meant just as that. People should be focusing on problems like the women in Afghanistan, kids with cancer, the homeless, REAL problems. And I didn’t know milk helped with PMS… it’s good to know. But I buy WI milk. Who ever heard of dairy coming from CA???

    • A two-pronged reply here:
      1. Fighting the ‘smaller’ issues doesn’t mean giving up on the big picture – the seemingly lesser issues make up that big picture! I can fight subtley racist/supposedly inoffensive sexist advertising AND global poverty/human rights violations etcetera.
      2. The patriarchy hurts everyone – women AND men (cis or transgendered – everyone!). Though I wouldn’t argue that racism and sexism are the same, they are comparable and I can imagine a very different reaction (from anyone) if the ad was playing on racist stereotypes.
      You may not find it offensive but that doesn’t mean no one else does, or that anyone shouldn’t.

  2. Obviously the idea was made by a man, he found it funny but I don’t think the rest of the people agree. They don’t understand what it feels like to feel miserable for 7 days straight every month. They should go ahead and try having period and giving birth to see if they wouldn’t be cranky!! Comparing too that our body is made to resist more pain than the male anatomy, they’d die. :)

  3. When will the PMS jokes stop?! I’m not offended, I just think they’re stupid and old. Come up with something new. Oh I’m a woman and have a period, that’s hilarious.. ?

  4. I just checked out everythingidoiswrong.org and they have polls for men to take such as “During that time of the month she’s…?”
    A. Sweet (5%)
    B. Wonderful (3%)
    C. Beautiful (4%)
    D. Hopefully not seeing through your placating adjectives (86%)

    This disgusts me. And the percentages do not even add up to 100.

  5. When I first saw those milk ads posted online somewhere I was annoyed, then I saw a bunch of men commenting on those posts saying things like “Oh you women are too sensitive about this, probably because you are PMSing!” Really? Just grow up.

  6. Sounds like someone needs some milk!

  7. I really, really can’t believe any of this is happening. At least in terms of “Qream” and the new “Got Milk” campaign. I’ve had a solid decade to process wtf is going on in Afghanistan thanks to an SJSU production of “Vagina Monologues” (there was a girl I wanted to meet there, wtfs your problem?). Just when you think your own society is making leeway with stuff like this, they go and surprise you.

  8. I think its disgusting that he’s wanting women to drink “qream”…

    • I didn’t even want to touch that aspect of the drink, but yes, it’s… interesting, to say the least.

      Filleosophy | 7/19/2011 09:07 am
  9. I’m not going to lie when I saw the Qream bottles I thought it was a fragrance, lol! But those milk ads make me want to PMS all over the stupid milk company.

  10. qream? sounds like someones got a speech impediment from testing and drinking too much of his low calorie beverage.

    thanks for your rants, i’m a huge fan. xoxo.

  11. That Qream stuff looks really horrifying. “Ever wanted to drink your mother’s rose scented lotion? Now you can!”

  12. I suppose you might find there are micro-improvements in the level of misogyny when you compare the milk ads to “Come fly me” ads of the 60s when I was young, but at this rate the sun’s gonna go supernova before you can actually feel a change in the consciousness of the culture. At least now, women can commiserate through media.

  13. So upset about the milk ads. I saw a billboard the other night and wondered “Wait, what year is this? Can I possibly be reading this correctly”???

  14. Those zombie-inspired “Got Brains?” parody T-shirts now have a wider appeal, thanks to the California Milk Processor Board. *facepalm*

    Street harassment is wrong — in any country, in any language, by any man (or woman).