TV is my homeboy. He’s a good egg. He’s given me wonderfully flawed and relatable characters that I know I can turn to under any circumstance. And yes, sometimes the stories of my fictional pals make me laugh and cry harder than events in real life. These are the characters I adore. These are the stories that will live on, long after their shows end. These are my fictional fixations.
Elizabeth Cogworthy Lemon (that’s not her middle name), is “a New York third-wave feminist, college-educated, single-and-pretending-to-be-happy-about-it, over-scheduled, undersexed, buys any magazine that says ‘healthy body image’ on the cover and every two years takes up knitting for…a week”. As accurately described by her boss, Jack Donaghy, who is the Vice President of East Coast Television and Microwave Oven Programming at GE.
Let’s get to know this lovable curmudgeon, shall we?
She was born in White Haven, Pennsylvania to Dick and Margaret Lemon in addition to brother, Mitch, who is forever mentally stuck in the year 1985 due to a condition caused by a skiing accident that occurred that year. Liz grew up in a very supportive and optimistic environment. Her parents always encouraged her to pursue her passions, even though she sometimes embarrassed them. For example, Liz sued the Lower White Haven School District in high school to let girls play football. They let her play and even though the team didn’t make the playoffs that year, she’s convinced that “they led the league in bravery.”
Fun fact- her grandfather dug out the White Haven Quarry and her other grandfather filled it back in with the sludge from the eraser factory.
After high school, Liz went to the University of Maryland on a partial competitive jazz scholarship to study theater tech. For one glorious fortnight, she occupied a handicapped dorm room by herself and was given a taste of what it’s like to be “popular.” Her room was apparently “party central” and she was particularly psyched to receive a high five from a blonde girl.
She moved to Chicago after college and met future ex-fiance to David Blaine, Jenna Maroney. Together, they created “The Girlie Show,” which was later picked up by NBC in an attempt to please several outraged women’s groups for airing the not-so-lady-friendly show, “Bitch Hunter.”
Liz Lemon is the head writer of “TGS with Tracy Jordan,” mentee/little brother to Jack and is in constant pursuit of “having it all.” She has a crazy work schedule at the show, mainly due to the time-consuming antics of Tracy and Jenna. Just to list a few of said antics: social experiments including the wearing of whiteface and blackface, the murder of Kenneth Parcel’s bird in a quest to prove that he is a murderer, fighting over a sweatshirt named “Sweatshirty,” dressing as clowns in an attempt to cure the flu-ridden crew using laughter and fighting over fake awards that are actually baked goods.
She has accrued a mixed bag of ex-boyfriends and random hook ups. Her collection of dreamboats features:
- Conan O’Brien
- Dennis Duffy (Beeper King, “Subway Hero,” sex addict, coffee vending machine owner and my personal fave)
- Floyd DeBarbour (lawyer, alcoholic and Cleveland enthusiast)
- Astronaut Mike Dexter (her go-to imaginary boyfriend)
- Dr. Drew Baird (lover of baking and victim of stupidity due to his Disney prince-level of hotness)
- The actor, James Franco dammit and his body pillow, Kimiko
- Jack “Danny” Baker (newest cast member of “TGS,” Canadian actor/singer and former robot street performer)
- Wesley Snipes (Englishman, hater of American tea, regular foot-cyclist and Liz’s settling soulmate)
- Capt. Carol Burnett (pilot or “doorman to the sky,” super fan of “TGS” and strict enforcer of sky law)
- Finally her current beau, Criss Chros (hot dog vendor, Sunglass Hut cardholder and most importantly, Liz Lemon’s future “plant” daddy.)
Speaking of relationships, Liz and food seem to be a match made in relatable character heaven. She uses food as a stress release, a reason for celebrating, a tool for blackmail, a buddy to confide in and a way to bring all American citizens together. (Li Lem, you are totally my heroine and I admire the hard work you put in to your night cheese.) I’ve been dying to host a Liz Lemon-style feast and fill a table with cheesy blasters, a bowl of Sabor de Soledad, meatball subs (extra bread), fresh-fruit flavored toaster cheesecakes, 4 lbs of lobster meat, a dozen donuts to stay, any other kind of sandwich you can think of and a pizza for shotgunning purposes. Who’s in?
When we last saw Liz in the season six finale, she was giddy that finally, “life is happening!” She and Criss have decided to have a baby together and they are currently fixing up their perfect life-partment in preparation. As the upcoming season seven is the final season of the show, I predict that while hilarity will most certainly ensue, Liz Lemon will also finally “have it all.” The “all” may look slightly different than she had originally imagined, but she’ll get it. I prefer to imagine her writing more books, discovering new chip flavors to fall in love with and teaching her new son/daughter how cool it is to follow the rules. She won’t be teaching improv on cruise ships and maybe she won’t be the Head Writer of “TGS” for another 10 years, but she’ll be a star, she’ll be on top and someone will surely bring her some ham.
30 Rock returns for its’ final season at 8:00/7:00c on October 4th, 2012. Only on NBC.
Share your own future predictions for Elizabeth Miervaldis Lemon (or your favorite Li-Lem moments) in the comment section below!
Image via Flavorwire