Trying to write an introduction to The Never Ending Story would be a little bit like trying to explain to a 92 year old scientist that you had a buddy that was a constantly LOL-ing luck dragon named Falcor. It would be long, arduous, and misunderstood (and that’s before you even attempt to address the concept of internet vernacular). But, introduction aside, this movie is pretty much the jam. Atreyu was hands down one of the top five dreamboats lining my teenage bedroom wall somewhere up there next to JTT (4ever!). And, I’m still begging for forgiveness for stealing nearly every single necklace my mother owned in order to wear an Empress-like crown to school (it never quite looked right. I still want one).

Never ending headgear envy.

But, I’m not gonna lie. This movie used to trip my little baby brain right the flip out. And, upon re-watching, I’m inclined to understand why. It was a lot more preachilicious than I remember it being. Don’t get me wrong. I love this movie. I love this movie almost more than I love cheese. And, I love cheese in a manner that even Steve Urkel himself would find revolting. I digress. Personally, I think the real heavy hitting moral of this story is that children possess an incredible ability: imagination! This power is constantly underestimated by us grown up types. It’s a strength that we’re born with. We spend the rest of our lives trying to think outside the box, but those darn kids are doing it from the minute they start yapping. As a youngster, I found that pretty empowering. Chew on that while you read the (hopefully) slightly more entertaining tid-bits I snagged from NES.

  • Let’s do ourselves a favor and take a moment to marvel at the modes of transportation utilized in Fantasia:

    Rockbiter rolls via rock bike. Naturally.

    This gentleman prefers hang-gliding bat.

    Racing snail?

    Somewhat trusty steed.


    All I’m saying is: unprecedented/very, very hip ways to reduce oil dependency.

  • A wise pointy-headed fellow asks Atreyu to go on his quest. Atreyu then proceeds to  straight up drop his tribal gear on the ground and say he’s in it to win it. Game on. Note to self: dropping your s&%* on the ground and accepting the quest at hand is a bold way to say you’re a badass who ain’t scared of nothin’. I tried this a minute ago when someone asked if they could use my bathroom. I dropped my laptop on the ground and said “GO FOR IT!” I now need a new laptop. But I looked awesome. You’re welcome.

    Wise pointy-headed fellow.

    Throwing down weapons to display intention of commitment!

  • In the Swamp of Sadness, Atreyu’s awesome horse Artex gets a little down on himself and subsequently starts to sink in the quicksand. It’s a rough area. Happy thoughts are literally vital. Kind of like Shepard’s pie day at school. You will absolutely have to survive lunch and its impending meat pie attack in order to get to the end of the day. But, it’s gonna take some seriously Spock-like mind melding capabilities to succeed. It didn’t work really out for Artex. I know a few kids that didn’t make it through Shepard’s pie day in one piece, either. But, whenever I see a swampy sand ridden area, I genuinely think happy thoughts . You may think that’s just plain ridiculous, but I’d like to present valuable evidence: I haven’t sunk yet. So… consider yourself advised.

    Artex! No! Think about oats! Or hay! Or... grass?

    Shepard's pie day.

  • Luck dragons do not take well to the post coital sneak away tactic. As seen here, Atreyu wakes to find himself spooning with a half dragon, half Cocker Spaniel type creature. Awkward. He tries the trusty ‘sneak away.’ Bad call.

    ....What happened last night?

  • Fantasia might be the only place I’ve ever heard of that will apparently annihilate you with laser beams for having crappy self-esteem. I guess it’s not a bad tactic. If that’s what gives you the swift kick in the pants to believe in yourself, then, good on ya. Or, you could run like a bat out of hell like Atreyu does here when they try to off him for doubting his worth. Also, please note the vulgarity of these murderous statues? What gives?


    Run from the fiery laser beams of self-doubt!

  • Let’s get down to the most important information I garnered from this film. Atreyu was in fact the one who invented “planking.” Proof:

    Atreyu's planking photo.

  • Basically the movie ends with a weird narrator long-windedly saying, “READ!” So, ya know. Do that. If not for your own enjoyment, do it for the Empress of Fantasia (Moonchild!?)!

    "Knowledge is power!"

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