LIFE LESSONS LEARNED FROM: ‘BEETLEJUICE'Shannon Woodward

As a proud member of the working mother/latch key kid generation, I have come to realize that I may not be the only one who credits many-a-90’s film/television installment with shaping my personality more than my actual DNA-sharing tribe. I’m willing to bet my over-enthusiastic childhood Troll Doll collection that my own parents would agree I was convinced I was a lot more like Buffy Summers/Angela Chase/Lydia Deets/Daria than what one time-wasting scientist might predict for the typical offspring of a figure skating coach and a software designer.

Though I’d like to believe that the tutelage stemming from these classics had a positive effect on me, no one – and I mean absolutely NO ONE – benefited from the devastatingly irreversible fashion choices made by yours truly during the high school era of my life cycle under the influence of such cinematic girl power. Going to school in South Florida sporting leather pants from The GAP will demonstratively not get you made out with. Thanks a lot, Buffy the Vampire Slayer.

I don’t think that this makes me unique. In fact, I think I smell a lot more of you lurking out there. Pungent, yet comforting, I might add. Hence the introduction of this little ol’ nostalgia series Life Lessons Learned From: ________________.

I solemnly swear that at least 90% of everything you read here will be completely and utterly useless to your every day life. And please, mofo’s, feel free to suggest future blank fillers. In the meantime: nerd alert.

 

  • Lydia Deets is basically my hero. If they had sold her red wedding dress at K-Mart, I would have worn it to every single school dance in the tri-state area. They did, however, sell the VHS, which I proceeded to wear out like a my great grandma’s favorite muumuu.  I think the real reason I’m attached to it is that there seems to be some kind of amazing message somewhere in the film that resonated with me. Even if you  don’t fit in with the people around you, like-minded people can turn up and embrace you in the most unlikely likely places. You know, like dead people in your attic.

  • Miniatures are the &%#!. I have a crush on them. A deep-seated, unhealthy crush. All of this CGI stuff we’ve been having this torrid affair with can suck it. If miniatures were to propose marriage, I would surely accept. I’d even write my own vows.

    Handbook for the Recently Deceased

  • It turns out that the only divinely written handbook on a specific subject is delivered postmortem. There goes my hope of the stork dropping off a parenting hanbook in tandem with my future offspring.

Triangular hair bits!

Attempt at creating a hip trend?

  • Yes, you CAN make triangles out of hair. No, it still does not look cool on me. Though, I would encourage you to try your own luck. Could be worth it (please send photos).
  • As I had suspected, hell is a DMV. It’s exactly the same as the one by your house. This appears to be omitted from several religious texts.

  • Agents do in fact take commission for hauntings. “Might I remind you, I am Delia’s agent. I have been losing money on her for years. If anything should happen here, I shall handle it!”
  • Catherine O’Hara is the end all be all of movie moms (among many other things). Proof:

'Orange County'

    'Beetlejuice'

    'Home Alone'

      Some solid home run’s from Delia Deets:
    • “Charles I will not stop living and breathing art just because you need to ‘relax.’ I’m here with you. I will live with you in this hell hole but you must let me express myself. If you don’t let me gut out this house and make it my own I will go insane and I will take you with me!!”
    • “This is my art! And it is dangerous! Do you think I want to die like this!?”
    • “Lydia, you have got to take the upper hand in all situations or else people whether they’re dead or alive will walk all over you.”

    • Dancing to Harry Belafonte at any point time is always the best course of action. If a friend helps you float? Well, that’s just a bonus.
    • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=537675418 Mandie Mohrlock

      Love.

    • http://www.facebook.com/fernanda.eisendecher Fernanda Eisendecher

      My mom rented this movie for my sister and me when I was 6. Needless to say it scared the everloving crap out of me when Geena Davis pulls her face off (my mom just read “Comedy” on the box and figured it was ok). But after crawling out from under the bed and finishing watching it, it quickly became one of my favorite and most worn out videos ever! And thanks to your post, I finally figured out where my adoration for miniatures stems from!! ^_^

    • http://www.facebook.com/LegsSadovsky Liz Shattler

      This is great. I might suggest my favorite Tim Burton Latchkey-Kid movie, Edward Scissorhands. Also, Drop Dead Fred.

    • http://www.facebook.com/jmkaminski Jennifer Kaminski

      While I definitely liked the movie, I adored the Beetlejuice cartoon they had on Nickelodeon. I still think of it often.

    • http://www.facebook.com/QuicheLorraine Alexandra Shredder

      Definitely did the triangle bits back in the day for a long time. A LONG time.

    • http://www.facebook.com/dan.mclaney Dan Mclaney

      Love this!

    • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=535747976 Dominga Quinones

      OMG! I’m ABSO in love with miniatures too!!!!!! but one up from that are the “bigatures” like they used in the Lord of the Rings trilogy….OMG!!!!!!!!!!! seriously, if u don’t know about these, DO check out the behind the scenes footage of any one of the films, AMAZE!

    • http://www.facebook.com/MaryJoe28 Maria Jose Rojas

      Beetlejuice….Beetlejuice……….

      Totally love this film! Crhistina Ricci and Tim Burton? What could be better?! And also,the Calling me Banana dance is priceless! Glad to see so many B*e*l*j*i*e (not saying the name a third time!) fans :)

      • http://www.facebook.com/MaryJoe28 Maria Jose Rojas

        Sorry,I Meant Wynona…I was thinking I wanna watch Edward Scissorhands now ^^

      • http://www.facebook.com/tanie.laramie Tanie Laramie

        Winona Ryder was also in Edward Scissorhands!

    • http://www.facebook.com/bethakneeblake Bethaknee Blake

      I certainly was/am also obsessed with Beetlejuice. I was only a couple of years old the first time I was allowed to watch it. I’m told that I used to run around the house screaming, “BETTLEJUICE, BEETLEJUICE, BEETLEJUICEEEE!” (My mother was lenient with moves. I watched Silence of the Lambs and Deliverance when they came out, too…and I’m not a psycho serial killer yet!)

    • http://www.facebook.com/suany.esmieu Suany Esmieu

      Maria Jose Rojas> umm… Edward Scissorhands is also cast with Winona Ryder.. not Christina Ricci.. lol

    • http://www.facebook.com/mkeller11 Michell’ Keller

      This piece was perfect! I loved Beetlejuice as an adolescent and watched it every day when I was 8 for the entire year.

    • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=5203149 Kendall Gibson

      Only one of my favorite movies ever… EVER. <3 I need to watch it again. Right now.

    • http://www.facebook.com/suany.esmieu Suany Esmieu

      & I was so absolutely in love with Beetlejuice and Winona’s character Lydia, that I grew up and named my daughter Lydia. <3

    • http://www.facebook.com/tgorozco Tania Orozco

      Definitely loved ‘Beetlejuice’ as a kid ^_^

    • http://www.facebook.com/bjledesma Brandi Janelle Watson Ledesma

      Yes. Maybe The Neverending Story? The Labyrinth? Punky Brewster. For sure.

    • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=100000003456663 Angel Walden

      Great movie! Wanna thank you fellow posters for makeing me feel old when you say that you were kids when it came out cause that’s the year I graduated high school. :D

    • http://www.facebook.com/ashley.lynn.cook Ashley Lynn Cook

      I have loved Beetlejuice since I was 5, my parents thought I was NUTS, that I wanted to watch it all the time lol!

    • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=38706274 Nicole Ramos Nesson

      Absolutely one of my all time favorites and could quote it forever

    • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=672016096 Michelle Gregory

      I was a goth in the UK when this came out so Lydia was a style icon to me. I had a huge fold away black sunhat too!

    • http://www.facebook.com/jananorvell Jana Raymick Norvell

      My Mom took me and my BFF to see this at the movies when I was a kid. I remember a teenager sitting behind us tugged jokingly on my ponytail and made all his friends giggle during the previews. I spent the entire movie switching back and forth form being completely freaked out by a) Beetlejuice and b) teenagers.

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