Women are awesome. I look around at my girlfriends, a collection of smart, sassy, beautiful women who have their acts together and whom you would expect to have equally “with it” significant others. And yet, for every dynamic, crackerjack female, there is presently or was at some time in the past, a total d-bag in the space that should have been reserved for her prince charming. Now I fully admit to guilt in this regard as well. I confess to dedicating myself for six years to a man-boy that should have been nothing more than an embarrassing, drunken, one night stand.
Watching this scenario play out time and time again either for myself or for some other totally awesome yet somehow romantically helpless female begs the question of why? Why do women who expect so much out of themselves and who in no other area of their lives accept anything but the best, suddenly and for no explainable reason, settle for such mediocre men?
DMX or “D” as I imagine I would call him if we were friends, attempts to do womankind a solid by answering this question in his aptly named song ‘Why do good girls like bad guys’. In it, D suggests that it is perhaps because bad guys tell mad lies or that it is deep within us as women to desire to be someone’s “shorty” or “boo” and secretly even the most accomplished female wants a man that will “take her to the Ramada for an all nighta”. Now I would love to give my ruff riding friend the benefit of the doubt, but this is where I have to object. Nothing against the Ramada of course, but listening to his words then looking into the deepest, most honest and intimate of my thoughts I can, with complete confidence, say that I have never gone week at the knees over the thought of an all-nighter at a mid level hotel chain or getting freaky in the back of a Chevelle. Call me crazy, but it just ain’t my thing.
With the utmost respect, I might propose a different answer for why not just good but great girls like bad boys. Of course we know everyone likes a little adventure and there’s no shortage of that when you dip your toe in the bad boy pool. But i think the answer lies much deeper. The truth is even totally awesome, independent superwomen want to relinquish control and be cared for at times. Keeping it all together can be exhausting and for a woman who is so in control of who she is, there is something attractive about stepping out of the power seat and riding shotgun for a little while. Of course, when this leads women to saddle up to a bad boy, the attraction proves to be about as fruitful as a fly’s attraction to the bug zapper you have hanging on your back porch.
Goodness knows I get it. I have high hopes for life and work hard to be the best person I can be. Of course I know I’m a work in progress, but I genuinely like who I am. I embrace my strengths as well as my flaws, right down to the embarrassing way I snort when I laugh. I don’t want to change who I am, but there are times, namely Friday and Saturday nights when I am at home watching Toy Story 3 in my pajamas with an empty carton of ice cream, that I yearn for some excitement. The idea of being a part of something, even when I know it will likely end in disaster (a sad mix of regret, tears and possibly an STD) somehow becomes alluring in the face of another night alone. Yet, we must not give in as the bugs did to the zapper. We must stay strong and resist the call of the d-bag even in our weakest moments. We deserve better. I know it. You know it and deep down DMX knows it too.
By choosing to embrace our awesome selves we have also chosen a path less traveled and therefore more lonely by nature. Still I believe that in the end, the rewards reaped by being true to ourselves and staying the course of what will truly make us happy, far eclipses the momentary excitement any bad boy could provide. So hang in there ladies. Be patient and have faith. Things will turn around. How could they not for someone as fabulous as yourself?! And in the mean time, embrace some time alone. Grab your favorite pint of ice cream or your perfectly worn in sweatpants, settle in for the premiere of the family channel’s latest original movie and save that empty spot on the couch next to you for someone that really deserves it.
By Claire Miggins
Feature image via.