Teaspoon of Happy

Letting Go

To let go and move on: It can be a terrifying proposition. It signals that something is over, far away, past. It’s confirmation of a truth that we may not want to acknowledge, though it exists whether we acknowledge it or not. We all process things at a different pace, and sometimes we’re not ready to do that for a very long time. Loss and pain are a part of life, things that we must move through so that we can continue to live. At times it can feel impossible or unbearable, but eventually everything will pass, and we will heal.

Sometimes we hold onto wounds, or worse, refuse to heal at all. We can’t or won’t let go of something and we forget that it’s there until one day an unexpected event forces us to confront it. By holding tight to something, it’s as if we feel we will honor the weight and meaning of it. Because it was so major, so big, so deep, we can’t move on from it, ever, or else it would degrade or dishonor that memory somehow. What can happen when you hold tight to a wound is that it keeps you there, attached by a long, long tether, never letting you fully process it or heal from it so that you can become clear, happy and present in your life today. We also in the process replace that memory, whatever it is, with a warped time capsule. An imprint of that experience frozen in time that is only representative of this fear of letting go at this one time and place in our lives. Eventually it drags on your person like a broken down car at the bottom of a river – other experiences get snagged on it, our growth is slowed by it and eventually it becomes obscured as part of who we are, lodged deeper and deeper in the mud. Though it is not a reflection of all of our experiences, it colors new experiences moving forward.

Sometimes we hold tight to anger or pain we feel toward another person or thing. I used to believe that some things were so terrible that they could not and should not be forgiven. What I didn’t realize was that the reason to forgive or let go of something is not for them but for you. So that you can be free of the pain that something causes you: the anger, the hurt, the fear. If you decide you want to let go of something that pains you from your past, you can do it. It’s not easy or fast or painless, but to choose that goal is by far a much better one that will give you more happiness and peace in your life long term. One day, you will be free of it. You will conquer it, stronger. Don’t allow the past to destroy the future. What matters is what you do with your experiences, not that you’ve had them at all.

If you’re not ready to deal with an old wound, you’re not. Don’t try and rush yourself, and definitely don’t try to rush someone else. We all have safety features in our brains that protect us from things that we’re unable to handle. Sometimes they’re there for a reason: we’re just not ready. If you are afraid to let go of something, to move on or to confront, that’s okay. You will when you’re ready. Don’t feel rushed. But know that when you let go of something, you grow closer to who you are again. You gain a vantage point that is unfettered by fear and pain. You understand yourself. You remember yourself. You get your pure self back again, whole.

If you are afraid to let go of someone or heal from a loss, know that it will be okay. You are not letting go of them. You are letting go of your fear of letting go of them. If you can allow yourself to accept and process, what can happen is that person returns to your senses in vivid form. You can access memories of them once again in a much more immediate way, you can recall their person and their soul. You might think of something they would say and laugh, or hear their voice in your head. You will hear a song and think that they loved that song. They will live all around you. And it will be them, not a version of them created by the pain you feel.

Experiencing sadness or pain is one of the most difficult things to do in life. It can feel never-ending, crippling, terrifying, overwhelming. It is never easy. But it will end. You will heal. Even if it doesn’t seem like it at the time, one day you will again be happy. You will be stronger, deeper, and peaceful. Your life will continue on and you will move past this point. Never abandon your future to dwell in your past. As we gain understanding, life reveals so much unexpected beauty. I believe our experiences, no matter how difficult, can unlock so much within us. We just have to move forward.

My love to you all, xox Sarah

Featured image Copyright All rights reserved by Nosfist

  • http://www.facebook.com/webevie Evie Totty

    This made me cry. I haven’t cried over the subject this reminds me of in months. You are right, I don’t want to let go. It’s been eight months… I look forward to the day I can look back and smile at the good times without the feeling of loss…

    • http://www.facebook.com/sarahmaybee Sarah May Bates

      Awe I’m sorry Evie. I know you will get there, just give yourself time. xoxox

  • http://www.facebook.com/liz.haebe Liz Haebe

    Letting go is the hardest thing to do in the world, but so worth it in the end. Thank you, Sarah, again for your wise words.

    • http://www.facebook.com/sarahmaybee Sarah May Bates

      Thank you Liz xox!

  • http://www.facebook.com/vanja.nastic Vanja Ivana

    “Never abandon your future to dwell in your past” – beautiful! I love your posts, your insight always gives me clarify :-)

    • http://www.facebook.com/sarahmaybee Sarah May Bates

      😀 thank you Vanja

  • http://www.facebook.com/emmasarah88 Emma Sarah Endean

    Thank you for this article, it’s touching and what I needed to read today.

    • http://www.facebook.com/sarahmaybee Sarah May Bates

      Thanks Emma, that’s my favorite thing to read, always xox

  • http://www.facebook.com/andrew.j.shirley Andrew James Shirley

    I want to let go and not care, I thought I didn’t.. But every so often I get reminded I really do and it hurts to the point of my heart actually aching and giving my physical at the thought of them and not being able to be with them ever again. I’ve had to block them from all social networking sites, not because I’m mad at them, but because it hurts to see their names and be reminded of what I’ve lost again.

    I can’t make it through the whole of this post at the moment, but I will and I hope it can help push me through and put me back on to the path I started on when it all went wrong again.

    Take care

    • http://www.facebook.com/sarahmaybee Sarah May Bates

      I’m so sorry Andrew. I know it hurts, but it won’t hurt as badly as the days pass. Just try and pass them well. Thank you for your comment and I send you my thoughts and support! xo

  • http://www.facebook.com/Matchu1 Matt Meelaphsom

    Beautiful article…exceptional and quotable. Nice photo, too…reminds me of the song “Never Let You Go” by 3EB.

    • http://www.facebook.com/sarahmaybee Sarah May Bates

      Thank you Matt! this one took over an hour to find so I’m very glad you like it :)

  • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=649569039 Cassie Brooks

    These are the exact words I needed to read! I have been dealing with the loss of who was once my closest and dearest friend. Of course, the relationship did not end well, and I think this is what has been the hardest part to deal with. Letting go is my goal, moving on, being happy…..but I don’t know how. Thanks for your supportive post and wonderful advice!

    • http://www.facebook.com/sarahmaybee Sarah May Bates

      Wow, I am so sorry Cassie – I am agrateful that you say that. I know somewhat how you are feeling and I wish you much peace and calm and relief from your pain. Thank you for your comment xoxox

  • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=121202917 Liz Hogancamp

    This couldn’t have come at a better time for me to read. Beautifully written. Thank you.

    • http://www.facebook.com/sarahmaybee Sarah May Bates

      😀 thank you Liz!! xo

  • http://www.facebook.com/hamsteronacid Anna Sophie Greiffenberg

    Thank-you for ur kind words

    • http://www.facebook.com/sarahmaybee Sarah May Bates

      Thank you for yours too Anna!! xo

  • http://www.facebook.com/jessi.parrott Jessi ‘Marrott’ Parrott

    Thanks once again Sarah. April, for me, is a month full of anniversaries and birthdays of dear friends who aren’t with us any longer – so I really needed this reminder, over the next few weeks, not to relive the sadness but to celebrate the time I had with them. Thank you and much love, Jessi x

    PS. Glad you liked ‘Desiderata’ =)

    • http://www.facebook.com/sarahmaybee Sarah May Bates

      Girl, I loved it! I hear you. Sometimes those sneak up on us. I am glad you are reflecting and ready to use such a big month for happiness. I wish you much support xxo

  • http://www.facebook.com/bethanystarr Bethany Starr Plemmons

    Wow…just, Wow. Such truths. Thank you!

    • http://www.facebook.com/sarahmaybee Sarah May Bates

      Thanks Bethany 😀 you make me blush…

  • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=100000542550963 Robert Remillard

    Continuing to fight the good fight or ending the struggle is often one of the most profound decisions we have to make. It usually encompasses emotion, relinquishing investment and the conclusion of a dream that may have been instrumental to ones’ overall metal state. If we are premature in our decision making then we face regret. There is never as easy answer as to when and it’s vitally important that once the decision is made to never look back. That’s the best way to precipitate looking forward again.

    • http://www.facebook.com/sarahmaybee Sarah May Bates

      I totally agree. BTW, Robert you should be a writer if you aren’t already!

  • http://www.facebook.com/PeteStarbuckzzz Ezio Audiotore-Altiar Pete-Starbuckzz

    Very good and thought provoking Sarah! u guys (hellogiggles team) kick so much AZZZZ!!!!

    • http://www.facebook.com/sarahmaybee Sarah May Bates

      Heh heh thanks Ezio!!!!! :)

  • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=100000029674081 David C Penny


    • http://www.facebook.com/sarahmaybee Sarah May Bates

      I concur! Most things aren’t easy for me, especially when my heart is involved..

  • http://www.facebook.com/sheandhim93 Kayla L. Minto

    Thank you so much Sarah. I’m in the process of letting go of the guy who broke my heart. (Very dimestore teen novel, I know, I know.) I just want to say thanks for the much needed words of comfort. It’s just what I needed to help me move on and get unstuck from what I call “the sticky licorice spot on the Candy Land board of life.” I drew a green card – time to move foreward and win the game. :)

    • http://www.facebook.com/sarahmaybee Sarah May Bates

      LOL i love that – I want to use Candyland more often in my rhetoric. I loved that game… Good luck girl, you sound like you’re on your way. Thank you for your comment xoxo

  • http://www.facebook.com/moo86 Marsha Moo

    This really could have made me cry, but it has made me feel calm. I’m going to keep it, and I’ll read it again, because I need some of the things you said as little reminders, I know i will – thank you!

    • http://www.facebook.com/sarahmaybee Sarah May Bates

      That is a huge compliment Marsha! Thank you so much. I am so glad you’ve said that because I was a bit worried I was just gonna bum everyone out.. anyhoo thank you. xoxo

  • http://www.facebook.com/MAVDL Miulin Vd

    What a beautiful piece <3 It made me feel that everything will be fine, i just have to give it time and the right frame of mind. Thankxxxx

    • http://www.facebook.com/sarahmaybee Sarah May Bates

      😀 thanks Miulin

  • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=501041526 Jing Zhang

    thank you very much sarah! perfect timing.

    • http://www.facebook.com/sarahmaybee Sarah May Bates

      Jing that makes me very happy. Thank u x

  • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=100001211314833 Hu Jiayin

    I cried at the first glance of the first sentence. The article is really touching and helpful to me.

    • http://www.facebook.com/sarahmaybee Sarah May Bates

      Well you made me cry, so we’re even. x

  • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=636789225 Alycia Lourim

    this probably has to be one of the most important pieces to my heart that you have written and something I am struggling with right now. thank you for giving me a bit of an extra push full of hope that it all will turn around soon xoxo.

    • http://www.facebook.com/sarahmaybee Sarah May Bates

      I send you warm thoughts of support and a virtual hug! I hope you feel some relief and comfort during your pain. xoxo

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