Letters to The Olsen and Olsen Mystery AgencyEliza Hurwitz

Mary-Kate and Ashley’s crime drama/musical mystery television show The Adventures of Mary-Kate and Ashley has been off the air for 15 years. Even though the phone number to call them has been disconnected, they still get letters from people desperately wanting crimes solved.

Here are some letters from people who think they’re still detectives.

Dear Mary-Kate and Ashley,

My name is Police Officer Rick DeAngelis. I work down at the Delaware Department of Corrections in Dover. I’m working on a case right now and I thought you two could help out. I was going to reach out to Detectives Elliot Stabler and Olivia Benson, but seeing how you guys said you could solve any crime by dinnertime I figured you were my best bet. I like the chemistry between you two better than the Law & Order crew anyways. Also I can’t imagine Stabler and Benson singing the way you guys do while working. Anyways the crimes are pretty minor and easy to solve, it’s mostly paperwork. See, I am going through what my wife calls “a lazy, selfish and worthless time in my life.” I’m just not really in the mood to leave the warmth and comfort of my computer where I can watch back-to-back episodes of The Real Housewives of Miami. Despite the harassment from my wife and the negative effect this may have on my tough guy image, I am not ashamed. Why should I be? When, for one blissful hour I can leave the cold, cruel world of the Delaware prison system and escape to the heat, drama and excitement of Miami. That being said, I require your help because I’d like to spend more time with these ladies in addition to the ladies of The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills. I’ve fallen behind this season and I desperately need to catch up. Looking forward to hearing from you and keep your response brief. I don’t want to take too much time away from my shows. Thank you.

Sincerely,

Officer Rick

 

Dear Mary-Kate and Ashley,

I think Renee La Rouge is at it again. I’m not sure if you guys are still solving crimes, but we could really use your help. By we I mean me and my seven cats. I don’t want to say where I live just yet, because of safety reasons (the government may be checking my emails etc). But suffice to say I live on the east coast of the United States and I think Renee LaRouge is stealing from the local art museum. I frequent said museum because I’m fascinated by this one painting of two beautiful Siamese cats. It’s truly a sight to behold. Therefore, I behold it every day for at least an hour. I tried to bring my cats once but apparently that’s against the law. Maybe that’s something you two can look into when you come here to solve the real crime. Anyways I noticed that some of the paintings and sculptures have disappeared. When I asked a guard he angrily replied that they were being cleaned. I can only assume that he was angry because he had something to do with it and not because I tried to bring my cats again.  I contacted you two because I need this crime solved fast and I know you guys are quick, solving any crime by dinnertime. I don’t want my cat painting to be taken! I don’t know what I’d do without it. It feels as if it is my 8th pet cat. Also I’ve got a pretty good voice. I’m always singing with my one cat named Mario, so we can help with the singing aspect of your crime fighting. Thank you for your time and we’re looking forward to hearing from you both!

With hope and cats,

Cecile Anthony

 

Dear Mary-Kate and Ashley,

I’m not writing for myself, I’m writing for some friends that live in Rosewood, Philadelphia. Their names are Aria, Hannah, Spencer, and Emily. They’ve been harassed/stalked by a mysterious person named A for years now and I think it’s time you two stepped in. I felt like they could eventually solve the mystery by themselves, but honestly it seems like they are getting further and further from the truth. They keep creating new holes for themselves and then keep digging themselves in deeper.  Also, it seem like A isn’t just one person, but a group of extremely vicious and volatile people; people without morals who have attempted to murder the girls on multiple occasions. I’m confused and scared for them. I honestly have no idea what’s going on anymore. I can’t tell who is good and who is bad. Considering the speed, skill and devotion you two employ while solving crimes, I think you’re their only hope to get this thing solved at all, let alone by dinnertime. Plus, your frequent musical interludes would provide some much needed levity. I await your reply with bated breath.

Best regards,

Ashley Blake

 

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  1. Wow! I loved (love) these videos! I had almost the entire collection of the crime-fighting twins with their super turbo bicycles! I hope they are able to solve that Rosewood mystery…and fast!