I had my first encounter with the TLC show Sister Wives the other evening. In the midst of writing my midterm papers for the last real semester of my undergraduate career, I craved some late night, mindless reality television. I would get too emotionally invested in anything Kardashian related, Wife Swap wasn’t available On Demand, and so Sister Wives was the show chosen to distract me from my actual responsibilities.
I settled down for some unimportant television about a family that participates in polygamy, a marital practice which I have absolutely no problem with. I am all for whatever makes you happy. If a man wants to marry 3 other women, 2 men and 4 transgendered human beings, I wholly support it. And I sure as hell would watch that show.
Right away, my jaw dropped when I saw the opening logo for the show: 4 female gender symbols hanging off of a male gender symbol, like dangling keys off of a keychain. As if Kody Brown keeps these ladies hanging off of him like some sort of accessory.
As I half payed attention to the mess unfolding in front of me, I realized just how sick the marriage truly is. These women act as if Kody Brown is their savior, when really I am just 99% sure that he murders teenagers or molests koala bears, or maybe something else that is less drastic and over the top, but definitely slightly creepy.
Kody Brown is your uncle who gets too drunk and makes the inappropriate comment about the size of your 15 year old cousin’s newly matured chest. Kody Brown is the local gas station attendant who winks at you when he hands you back your change. Kody Brown is the guy at the pet store who is just a little too into your dog. I’m mostly kidding, of course, but Kody Brown treats his wives like he is their owner, he wears sweater vests and he’s dumb enough to star in a show centered around the concept of polygamy while he lived in a state where polygamy is illegal. That’s all just as bad as everything I made up about him.
I guess the only way to fight against this show that features a grown man who appears to highlight his hair is to not watch it. But season 3 starts this spring and I need to know how Robyn is handling the birth of her first child with Kody, a boy they named Solomon because celebrities and people who handle like religion as if it’s a cult people don’t care about how often their kids are going to get made fun of if they have weird-ass names. So fight the fight for me, you guys. I’ll watch it because I have no self control, but you should stand up for what’s right in this sick, cruel world so we can get Sister Wives canceled.
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