Hello, friends! Halloween season is upon us! Are you as excited as I am? I love this time of year, because my access to candy increases exponentially in the weeks leading up to Halloween. I love things that smell and taste like pumpkin, wearing patterned sweaters and the fact that Thanksgiving is the next holiday to look forward to. But also, how is Thanksgiving the next holiday to look forward to?! Slow down, time! I love black cats, It’s the Great Pumpkin, Charlie Brown and dressing up in fun costumes. Speaking of costumes, what are you guys going to be this year? I have no earthly clue what to be yet, and I need some help.
At this very moment, a certain make and model of foam finger is flying off the shelves, foreshadowing one of the year’s most popular costumes. Can we all make a promise to each other right now? Can we promise not to be Miley Cyrus for Halloween? I know it’s easy, and it’s funny, and you’ve been secretly practicing your twerking skills. And your phone has finally stopped autocorrecting ‘twerking’ to ‘tweaking’, and that’s great news. But you don’t want to be another twerker in the sea. Your Halloween costume can’t be ‘newborn baby’, and if you dress up like Miley Cyrus in a nude bodysuit and stick your tongue out and whine a lot it basically will be. Plus, you will be very cold, because all of your skin will be showing. Don’t you want to be something more original?
There are costumes that work no matter what year it is: ladybug. Bumblebee. Witch. (Feel free to add the word ‘sexy’ in front of any of those, but you don’t have to. That’s a topic for an entirely different article.) They might not be the most original, but they’re cute and fun and good last-minute costumes to have on hand. And then, there are culturally relevant costumes: celebrities and politicians are always popular targets here. Both types of costumes are fun in their own ways. I look at pictures from Halloween 2011 and think, “Why was I wearing a princess costu–oh, yeah, I was a toddler in a tiara, because that was a thing.” So you might need to jog your memory when you look back at past topical costumes, but at the time, they’re a hoot. I won second place and $50 at my office costume contest that year, yo. (I threw a pretend tantrum, like a true pageant contestant and method actor, when I didn’t get first place. It was adorable.)
So if we aren’t dressing up like the M-word, where does that leave us? Let’s brainstorm some awesome Halloween costume ideas! Here are my ideas.
Oh yes I did. How fun would it be to dress up like your favorite Emoji? Or, choose a few and change outfits throughout the night. Maybe you can find a way to quickly update your Emoji status depending on your mood/conversations? I DON’T KNOW, PEOPLE, I’M JUST THE IDEA MAN. Better yet, get a group of friends together and go as a set: the monkeys. The dancer twins. The weirdly artistic animals.
I’ve never even seen Sharknado, so I can’t make a proper reference to it. But it’s a tornado made of sharks, man! If you dress up like Sharknado, you get the rights to barrel through people for the rest of the night. If that doesn’t scream ‘Halloween fun’, I don’t know what does.
Taylor Swift Endorsements
Wear Keds, drink Diet Coke and take pics with your Sony Cybershot camera. Play Band Hero. Reapply some CoverGirl and spray people with your perfumes. Giggle!
The Harlem Shake
Somebody has to revive the Harlem Shake, if only for one night. And by the Harlem Shake, I of course mean that silly viral sensation that lasted roughly five days last February. Be that person that randomly plays the song every once and a while, makes it weird for 15 seconds, and then rides it out for 15 more.
What Does the Fox Say? Ensemble
If you haven’t seen the video, watch it above. If you haven’t watched any of the remakes, search for them. Familiarize yourself with the silliness. This is another one like the Harlem Shake where you can get a group together and randomly burst out in song together. Or, you can go solo as the fox. Ring-ding-ding-ding-dingeringeding! Seriously, if you haven’t seen the video, you must think I am on drugs.
The Lost Members
Sure, you could be Beyoncé, and look fierce doing it. Or, you could grab a friend and be Kelly Rowland and Michelle Williams! Or Lance, JC, Joey and Chris. Even Drew, Jeff and Justin (anyone?). They need some love, too.
A Breaking Bad Reference That Isn’t Walt Or Jesse
Okay. I swore to myself I wouldn’t include any Breaking Bad-related costumes, because after the M-word, a yellow hazmat suit and blue rock candy will surely be the other most overplayed costume this year. (WHICH, YOU GUYS, I’M TOTALLY FINE WITH BTW. IF YOU DRESS UP LIKE WALT OR JESSE, TWEET ME PICS. LONG LIVE BB.) But I do encourage you to take your Breaking Bad costume to the next level. Be a Los Pollos Hermanos short-order cook. Be Holly, 20 years from now, addicted to meth. Be Marie, addicted to the color green.
Step one: be grumpy. Step two: repeat step one. Just throw on some cat ears and get ready to act like everything annoys you. Or in my case, just another Saturday night.
If we are so collectively tired of giving Miley Cyrus so much attention, why make her the most popular Halloween costume? Just my two cents. Should you break our pact and dress like Miley Cyrus or Miley Cyrus in some form, like zombie Miley Cyrus or Hannah Montana on meth, please promise me you’ll wear a jacket.