Late 20s Rut-Busting

Late 20s Rut-Busting: Ready, Set, Wrinkle

I have three light bulbs above my bathroom mirror. Two of them have burned out. Oh, no! I guess I better replace them! Haha… that’s just a little joke. Of course I won’t be replacing them. I don’t want to see my fully-lit face! You crazy?

When you get into your late 20s, wrinkles show up for real. It’s not a drill. The degree to which they prevail depends on the amount of sun you’ve been exposed to and genetics, sure, but they’re there no matter what. Your skin is just a little crankier in general. I look at the bags under my eyes the morning after a night out and can practically hear my skin sassing me: “What? I bounced back last time and you just went and did it again. Fix your own under eye bags, jerk.”

Fair enough.

Doing right by your skin is a big commitment. If you’re like me, your routine of falling asleep on the couch while watching Friends reruns doesn’t leave much time for nightly moisturizing. And what? You’re telling me I have to eat less sugar if I want to retain skin elasticity? Gummy bears seem pretty elastic to me. And alcohol dehydrates skin? Ah, come on, it’s a liquid!

As skeptical as I am of the “science,” it’s probably best we all err on the safe side and start taking care of our skin early. Unfortunately, old habits die hard in your late 20s. That’s why I write this “Late 20s Rut-Busting” series – to help. I like to call it “the blind leading the blind.” Today, let’s brainstorm some motivation for getting into a new skin routine.

The Face Lift Bungee. This has to motivate you. Listen, maybe you think that caring too much about aging makes a person vain and we should all just let it happen naturally. But here’s the thing… the Face Lift Bungee exists and that tells me that none of us are safe. As we age, PANIC. ENSUES. So start that routine now and you’ll buy yourself some extra bungee-free years.

You don’t want to be one of those people who melts their face with Botox. I’ll admit this motivational tip might be a little biased because of my extreme needle phobia, but don’t let someone put a needle in your AAAAH AAAAH AAAAH AAAAH!!!!! …Just focus on a low-key, preventative routine starting now, okay?

Gwen Stefani hasn’t aged a day since the 90s, according to me (shut up “science”). She once walked around with a pink parasol to protect her skin from the sun. If she can do it, we can do it. What, you think you’re cooler than Gwen Stefani now? Oh, please! If Gwen Stefani told me to “jump”, I’d say… I’d probably freeze up, starstruck, and then remain silent while focusing on not peeing myself.

Eating more vegetables and working out are habits beneficial to you in a plethora of ways. It’s true! Not only will you have more radiant skin; you’ll feel healthier, you’ll sleep better, you’ll feel proud of yourself… so many things! It’s like killing 500 birds with two stones. The two stones being eating healthy and working out and the 500 birds being an out of control killing spree. My god! You’re a monster!

Anti-aging routines are pretty funny. You have a sense of humor about yourself, right? Good. Then the fact that you now have to wear this Face-kini to the beach won’t be so bad.

Men worry about it, too. Men don’t age better than women. That’s just a good viral marketing campaign drilled into our heads by the advertising agency I’m convinced all the world’s men got together and hired behind our backs. You gotta give it to them! It’s a strong campaign!

“Men don’t age, we become rugged. Also, man boobs are endearing.” – Man followed by “The More You Know” music.

But the truth is, our culture just values women’s youth more than men’s (sorry young men). That doesn’t mean men don’t see wrinkles in their late 20s and feel that familiar dread set in. I’ve had this conversation with men plenty of times; we are all equally afraid of aging. We all get mid and quarter life crises. We’re in this together! It’s not a gender issue, we’re a team! I don’t want to step on any toes but I think we should call ourselves “The Co-Edorables.”

You will basically just be pampering yourself. Skin routines are essentially just that “me time” thing we all crave. Sorry, Princess, I didn’t know massaging moisturizers into your face and then cuddling up into a nice soft bed for a full night’s rest would be such an imposition!

Truth be told, I think aging is going to be fun. Let’s do this! Could we BE any more motivated?

…yes, I’m watching Friends.

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