Lady Crush: Sally Solomon From ‘3rd Rock From The Sun'

I will do another Dawson’s Creek recap, I PROMISE. It’s just they take me about five hours to do, and I’m in the midst of *trying * to write a second album with my band (oh wow, how did that piece of awful self-promotion sneak in there?!) and it’s really hard to do two things at once.  My life is so hard. Plus, I’m worried I’ll just write loads of songs that go, “Ooh Dawson, where are they (his you-know-whats)?  Joey… do you ever learn to smile?” Stuff like that. But better.

Instead, I want to write about some of the women I’m currently in love with. And it is love.  I love so many women for so many reasons and I’m sure you do, too, and I feel like we all need to talk about that love and be proud of it. I’m writing this with a very serious face and it is not at all sarcastic.  See, now that looks sarcastic. My life is so hard; even harder than stated above.

This week’s funny woman is Sally Solomon from 3rd Rock From The Sun.  For those of you who don’t know, it’s a sitcom from the late 1990s about four aliens who come to Earth to learn more about humanity.  It’s hilarious, touching and utterly mad, and has always been one of my favourite TV shows.  I watched it when it first aired and thought Sally was brilliant then, but re-watching it as the sassy independent woman I am today, I fell head over heels for her.  Here’s why she is awesome.

1.  Her Clothes.

Okay, now I’m really against judging people on what they wear. I love fashion but I think it’s very dumb to base whether or not you like someone simply by the cloth they choose rest against their skin. (Which I did used to do. All the time.) But the thing about Sally’s sartorial choices is that they really do define her. One of the amazing facets of Sally’s character is that she came to this planet genderless and was assigned her womanhood, which she accepted grudgingly. So she dresses like the rest of the guys most of the time. Around the house, she is almost always in high-waisted trousers with lace up boots and a plaid shirt tucked in over a vest.

However sometimes Dick, her superior, will give her a mission where she has to be “a woman,” and she’ll bust out these incredible looks, and we’ll all gasp at how unbelievably and stereo-typically gorgeous she can be.

2. She’s A Killer.

No really, she is. On her planet, she’s a highly decorated combat specialist and military tactician. At first she is incredibly annoyed to have to be the woman on the mission to Earth. She asks why she was picked and Dick replies, “You lost.” Ouch. Her previous life as a war hero echoes through her human incarnation, and some of her best moments are when, for instance, she makes a threat to “take someone for a little walk” and we believe completely that the “little walk” will be their last. She’s ruthless and capable, but at the same time, her veins throb with feminine guile and it’s hilarious to watch this Amazonian killer fall in love and act coy. She’s a wonderful and inspirational being: strong and smart, but also human and fallible. In short, she’s beautiful and likes pretty things, but she could also stalk a crazed criminal around the supermarket, fashion handcuffs out of stockings and push him to the Police Station in a shopping cart. All without losing her cool. What woman wouldn’t want to be that?!

3. Don Orville.

Ah. Don, Don, Don. Policeman Don is Sally’s main love interest. They first meet when Sally’s family are victims of crime for the first time. That rhymes!  The Solomons, being aliens, are not really versed with the ins and outs of police rank, so Sally assumes Don is incredibly powerful and important. He’s not. He’s highly inept and a bit of a joke at the police station. In fact, she would be a much better detective than he ever could.

However, he and Sally instantly have an intense romantic connection, and spend most of their time standing close to each other and delivering cliched romantic lines and innuendo. It’s. Fantastic. Sally is crazy about this man who only comes up to her chin, is slightly rotund and has Dwight Schrute glasses, while Don is understandably mad about this tall, blonde and odd-behaving lady. It’s a highly unconventional TV relationship, and that’s why I love it.  And her.

4. She Goes Through It.

She goes through everything. All the woman stuff. It’s wonderful to see an adult character deal with everything that defines the female experience for the first time – what it’s like to fall in love, what it’s like to get dumped. How do you feel when men look at you? How do you feel when they don’t? The need to nuture and look after people you care about when it’s the last thing you rationally want to do, jealousy both of and from other women, and of course, crying. Or as she calls it, “leaking.” One of my favourite episodes is when she realises she missed out on being a little girl, and makes a long-haired and fresh-faced Joseph Gordon Levitt play Barbies with her.

At first she requests to change gender as she finds being a woman harder than anything else in her career, but eventually she decides she’s happiest as she is.

5. My Favourite Sally Solomon Quote:

Sally: Tell me Dick, what kind of shampoo do you use?
Dick: I don’t know.
Sally: Exactly. And you feel the urge to have an 8 pounds screaming larva rip its way out of your lower abdomen?
Dick: No, I think I can do without that.
Sally: See? Here you and I are completely different life forms and it’s just some sick cosmic joke that we have to share a planet

Ladies, I invite you to fall in love.

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