Broke and Single"Kiss Her, Dummy!" – Why Women Should Make the First Move in 2012Alec Banks

I get the opportunity to pucker up and taste boysenberry-flavored lip gloss at the same frequency at which a person stubs one’s toes in a given year. It just seems to happen, as if the greater power out there places a girl next to me and says, “If you can’t play tonsil hockey with her, you should probably just retire from all physicality with the opposite sex.” There’s something almost magical before that moment happens. She laughs. I laugh, albeit through Catholic-produced Irish spirits which makes my breath smell like lacquered furniture. We know the bare minimum about one another. She handling an advertising account that is in the same fruit family as her lip gloss.  Me…well…broke and single, seemingly fitting perfectly snug like like a credit card swipe.  The planets have alligned and it’s time to smush faces.

But we don’t. At least not yet.

Why?

Because women should be the ones to make the first move. Yep, I said it.  2012 should be the year when all of you strong, smart and sexy ladies start grabbing men’s heads like they were bowling trophies, using their ears like the handles, and planting some memorable smooches that will resonate all the way into 2013 for those chaps. It’s a known fact that women hold the golden ticket when it comes to kissing. A guy always wants to make a move, but it’s the woman’s decision to either give him the go ahead, or pull back like there was some type of elasticity involved in the courtship. With that being the case, it seems only logical for all women to take over said duties in the New Year.

This first kiss trepidation that can occur on both sides stems from not wanting to feel that terrible pit in one’s stomach, when disappointment settles in your gut like a medieval weapon had been swallowed. Ladies have the ability to give birth, surely they should be the ones who give rise to things that come in the Eskimo, peck, French, butterfly, superhero, wet and goodnight kiss variety.

Ladies, you shouldn’t be embarrassed about making the first move. You certainly don’t have to put it on your CV, although I can’t promise you that it won’t lead to V.D.  But that’s neither here nor there. You may say to yourself, “I went to a liberal arts college and got my degree in art history, I don’t kiss boys.  They kiss me!”  WRONG.  Don’t think so, I’ve got another sure-fire test to see if you’re going to be a kissing fool in 2012.

1. Do you have lips?
2. Have you watched Fried Green Tomatoes more than once?
3. Do you kiss your animals on the lips?
4. Have you ever used the men’s bathroom at a bar?
5. Has your milkshake ever brought all the boys to the yard?
6. Do you own a pair of pants that has a phrase across the butt?
7. Can we kiss?
8. Would you think about making the first move if you could dangle upside down like Spider Man?
9. Do you own a shade of lipstick that looks like a stripper might own a pair of fishnets in the same color?
10. Have you ever pretended that a bracelet you wore was like Wonder Woman’s and pretended to deflect a bullet?
11. Your first kiss involved you kissing little Jimmy Collins with the retainer, didn’t it?
12. Have you ever imagined climbing into a guys bedroom window a la Joey in Dawson’s Creek?
13. Do you have a close friend who you consider to be a “loose goose?”
14. Do you consider the Bride from Kill Bill to be a role model?
15. Is there at least one Britney Spears song on your “gym” playlist?

* bonus point: does that gym playlist have the word “fierce” in it?

There you have it. If you answered yes to even one of these questions, you’re fully qualified to kiss any and everyone including Santa Claus, your middle aged biology professor, turtles, Turtle from Entourage, me, me some more and yourself in the mirror. I hereby declare 2012 to be the year of the female kiss initiators. So get out there and kiss a man who smells like Irish whiskey.

Image via: easyonlinestudy

comments

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  1. I’m a bit old fashioned in this territory but it’s something I’ve wanted to do.

  2. I think that along with this message, there’s also a need to let guys know to calm the F down when girls start kissing them. Most guys would see this as an invitation to sex, or that the girl is ‘easy’. Girls can go kiss guys and make the first move all we want, but if guys keep these traditional assumptions in mind, it’s all pretty much another step back.

  3. Loved this! Its soo true its time for women to make moves, that’s really going to surprise the guys. Thanks for giving me one of my new years resolutions ;)

  4. I didn’t have my first kiss until I was 23 (yep). K and I had an online relationship and were meeting for the first time. I waited alllll day for him to kiss me. He didn’t even try to make a move! I couldn’t take it anymore so I said, “I can’t take this!” and jumped him. He was nervous about it being my first kiss so he was glad I made the first move. Lol.

  5. I’ve done it before, and it can be done in an adorable and not a “lets have sex now” sort of way. A guy i liked who i just met and started hanging out with, and i were in his apartment sitting on his bed just listening to music, and our knees were touching and he looked really cute so i leaned in 90% of the way to kiss him and then he leaned in the other 10% and we kissed. It was really sweet…and we dated for a while, but decided we were better as friends.

  6. Ok. First of all, If I were spider-man and I was upside-down , between the blood rushing to my head and the rain going up my nose, I wouldn’t want anyone to kiss me for fear of drowning.

    Second, dont want to kiss a guy who smells of lacquered furniture…just saying.

    and third, as far as I am concerned, guys should always make the first move. It makes the girl feel way more comfortable around the guy, She doesn’t feel like she’s being desperate or or into him than he is, because it’s assumed that the guy is always up for a kiss wether he likes you or not. but if he takes charge and kisses you, it shows that the guy is confident and willing to make an effort for the girl and it shows that the girl is smart for choosing a guy who will make an effort to appreciate her.

  7. On my first date with my boyfriend, I kissed him hehe. He was so sweet, and so obviously into me…and I was curious what he kissed like (very nicely, might I add!).

  8. I love this!! I’m old fashioned and I believe for the most part men should be courting the women but c’mon…if you want to kiss a guy just do it! I’ve done it and I have no shame. I honestly feel bad for guys. They have a lot of pressure when it comes to dating. They have to pay, open doors, make the first move blah blah blah. If the chemistry and feeling is there, KISS HIM! It doesn’t make you any less of a woman.

  9. About this. Believe me, of course when a guy we really like is taking too long, we do want to make the first move. I really don’t think that the girls’ minds have to be changed for us to be brave/whatever enough to do it, but the boys should sure start to accept it; I’m not a feminist, but the women have reached equallity in many, many things, but as it’s been said before, if a girl do such thing, the boy tends to think that she only wants to have fun.
    I myself have wanted to make the first move a few times, but I never did because men don’t take that kind of act as a possible relationship-starter. I don’t know if it’s because they’re afraid to be with a woman who is more self-confident then themselves or what, but that’s how I see the whole thing.

  10. I would only kiss a guy how has the courage to make the first move

  11. If you are female who wants a relationship and not just a hookup, I would tend to disagree with this. Like my grandma always said, “Honey, boys don’t like to be chased.” As feminist as I am, I know that if you don’t A. want to be a one nighter or B. want to be a boy’s mother and not his gf, let him make the first move. If a boy likes you, he’ll find a way to kiss you.

    • If a boy thinks sees you as a one-nighter and as his mom just because you kissed him, that boy is not worth your time. I know, I know, status quo and all that BUT, really, SO WHAT if most boys are like that? If a girl can’t find a man who respects her choices, a girl is better off single.

    • @Paolo, believe me I am not a passive person. This is years of dating experience speaking and making the move far more times than I care to admit. After years of wondering what the heck went wrong, I realized my grandmother was right. If a boy likes you, he’ll find a way to get you. If he’s not trying hard, he’s not worth it.

    • That is an awfully passive way to live life though. I am also a feminist, and i respect your opinion, but some of us like to grab life by the metaphorical balls, and just go for it.

    • I agree! Though I do often pretend to deflect bullets with my bracelets…

  12. Yes!! ♥ ♥