Popamamie Ke$ha's "Tik Tok," if Submitted as a Poem for a 9th Grade English Class From Our Readers

“Tik Tok”
by:  Ke$ha Sebert
(Kesha, you cannot write your name with a “$” in this class.)

Wake up in the morning feeling like P Diddy
(Hey, what up girl?)  (Gender confusion. P Diddy is a middle-aged black man, “what up girl” is a greeting directed towards a young female)
Grab my glasses, I’m out the door, I’m gonna hit this city
(Let’s go)
Before I leave, brush my teeth with a bottle of Jack
‘Cause when I leave for the night, I ain’t coming back
(See me in my office.  Immediately.)

I’m talking pedicure on our toes, toes
Trying on all our clothes, clothes
Boys blowing up our phones, phones
(Repeating words to make them rhyme in poetry is like saying “He was as tall as a 6 ft. tree” in prose.  Self-referential and lazy.)
Drop-topping, playing our favorite CDs
Pulling up to the parties
Trying to get a little bit tipsy
(Inappropriate.  Again, please see me in my office.)

Don’t stop, make it pop
DJ, blow my speakers up
Tonight, I’mma fight
‘Til we see the sunlight
Tick tock on the clock
But the party don’t stop, no
(This is your strongest verse so far.  Although you do not use a conventional rhyme, you do maintain a rhythm.  Try to make more of your stanzas like this one.)

Don’t stop, make it pop
DJ, blow my speakers up
Tonight, I’mma fight
‘Til we see the sunlight
Tick tock, on the clock
But the party don’t stop, no
(Okay, it was good once, but not twice.  Please revise and create something new here.)

Ain’t got a care in world, but got plenty of beer
Ain’t got no money in my pocket, but I’m already here
And now, the dudes are lining up cause they hear we got swagger
(Traditionally, young white girls do not have swagger.  As a reader, I do not find this convincing.)
But we kick ‘em to the curb unless they look like Mick Jagger
(Do you realize that Mick Jagger is 67 years old?  This is another example of “convenient” rhyming.)

I’m talking about everybody getting crunk, crunk
Boys tryin’ to touch my junk, junk
(“Junk” is a reference to male genitalia, not female.  Again, gender confusion.)
Gonna smack him if he getting too drunk, drunk
(Refer to my comments in the second stanza.)

Now, now, we go until they kick us out, out
Or the police shut us down, down
Police shut us down, down
Po-po shut us  (– did you just forget to finish this line?)

(I can tell that you must have gotten a little tired, here.  The words have become repetitive, and you do not create anything new beyond this point.  I’m going to skip all of this and ask you to re-write and re-work this section.)

Kesha, please see me in my office on Monday.  I have shown this poem to the school Guidance Counselor and principal, who would like to speak to you about your alcohol issues and the general subject matter of this piece.  Additionally, your poem reflects a deep sense of gender confusion; I recommend that you reach out the GBLT group– I think they would be thrilled to hear from you.  We are going to have to work on your rhyming, but let’s deal with one issue at a time.  In the future, I would like to see you put in a little more effort into your writing assignments.

Grade: C-

by Prachi Gupta

comments

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  1. that was really funny. still can’t stop laughing :D

  2. love it!

  3. Haha, well-done teach!

  4. Too funny!!! I love it!! more of this please!!!

  5. Hilarious! I’d love to see more of these.

  6. Awesme! (And mostly true!) :)

  7. Love this!

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