Big Booty Power Hour

Keeping Up with The Kardashians episode 609: Talk to My Agent

Kourtney and Scott need to stop trying.

They’re not fooling anyone. Not when we have the ability to pause television and see what their faces look like immediately after they kiss each other.

I love when Keeping Up shows the girls talking about the parts of their lives that made it to the gossip blogs weeks earlier. This week we see exactly why Prince kicked Kim off his stage during one of his performances.

“Prince was like, ‘Yeah, man!’, like doing arm farts. And Kim stood there with her big, fat booty and just stood there,” Khloe explains to her younger sisters.“He brings me up on stage and I freeze and then Prince says, ‘Get off the stage.’ I was so embarrassed. I’m not the best dancer, I don’t like to dance in public.”

“Honestly, none of us are Beyonce over here,” Khloe says when trying to tell Kim to just let loose and not take dancing so seriously.

It’s good enough advice coming from anyone’s mouth except for a Kardashian. It’s like one of the Obamas saying, “Honestly, none of us are the Kennedys over here.” Maybe so, but who the hell cares? You’re an Obama.You’re practically equals.I felt really sad for Kim after hearing this. I would wager that she has the least amount of confidence amongst her sisters and I wonder if it is because her entire career has been built strictly upon her looks. No one hires Kim Kardashian’s personality. They hire her face, they hire her boobs, they hire her ass.

She is nearly flawless visually, and that is what her audience expects from her. The pressure to be perfect must be so great and looming that she feels as if she has no room for error. She has even voiced insecurities on not being the first sister to have a baby or thus-far successful marriage. At 30, she was unmarried and childless and while that sounds okay to most of us, she seemed to view herself as a failure because it is not what she envisions as being part of a perfect life.

When Kendall tells Scott and Kourtney that her Momager left her alone at a photo shoot for 12 hours, Scott proposes that they scare Kris into being a better manager to her children. His solution? Have the younger girls lie and say that they have decided that Scott will be their new manager.

Over edamame and wine, Kylie and Kendall  inform their mother that she will always be their Mom, but she is fired as a manager.

Kris drops an f-bomb and immediately leaves the table to call Scott.

The most alarming part of this entire episode is that the Jenner household not only possess an honest-to-goodness land line but they place it next to giant crystals that, I would guess, double as lamps. Kim decides to try and learn a few dance moves by attending a dance class.

I know I just said that it makes me really sad that Kim is so hard on herself that she denies herself silly fun and loose excitement but I snorted with delight when I saw how the prettiest woman in America managed to look so awkward while looking so damn hot.

When the instructor asks the class to pair up into twos, I stopped snorting.

The look on Kim’s face is the look on my face every time a teacher or professor asked me to do the same in a classroom; a horrid mix of anxiety, fear and acid reflux.

Unable to handle the embarrassment, Kim flees before the class is even over. On the plus side, I respect Kimberly more than ever.Kourtney’s penchant for matching pajamas breathes life into my soul.

I know that sounds dramatic, but it’s not. I really, really, really, earnestly enjoy that she constantly wears matching pajamas. Kourt tells Scott that he should apologize to Kris for trying to make her angry. Scott then immediately punches a mirror, sending shards everywhere. Wait, no. That’s not what happened. He actually apologies to Kris.

I just wish Scott Disick would stop doing things that make me hate him a little bit less than I did the day before.

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