This week, Khloe reveals that we have even more in common: Our respective mothers have a tendency to pee their respective pants.
I shouldn’t say my mother has a tendency, but the one time I went out drinking with her, she laughed so hard at a comedian that she peed her pants. It wasn’t even a good comedian, either. It was an unfunny magician.
Unlike Kris’ children, I understand that my mother popped out four children, which just about ruins your whole downstairs region. It’s pretty much game over after that. Khloe, on the other hand, is concerned about her mother’s incontinence and tells her, “Once, okay. Maybe once you really had to go and I made you laugh.” That’s my girl. The only reason why your mother could pee her pants is because of how hilarious you are. I unabashedly love a chick who thinks like that.
Kris Humphries takes a 6 inch heeled Kim for a romantic stumble along the beach and tells her it’s the most beautiful spot for the most beautiful girl. Gag. The end.Over dinner, a few members of the Kardashian-Jenner clan eat chicken and discuss the tragedy that is the Bruce/Kris sex tape that was filmed in the ’90s instead of focusing on the biggest tragic elephant in the room: Scott’s penchant for wearing sweaters over his shoulder like the biggest 18-year-old jerk from Connecticut.
Look. Look at the triangle of light emitting from Kim Kardashian’s crotch. She is a sexual goddess.
Bruce, Kris, Kim and Kourt meet up for for a quick lunch to further discuss Kris’ pee-pee problem. “It’s okay if you have a little, leaky vag,” Kim says.
“I’m glad we didn’t order the pea soup,” Bruce interjects. And he laughs, oh how he laughs!
One thing you can say about Bruce Jenner is that he enjoys Bruce Jenner.Bruce then brings up the topic of his two youngest daughters taking his credit card without his permission. In my household, that would get you jail time. Actual, legitimate jail time. Are you kidding me? My parents would call the cops on me so fast that I wouldn’t even have time to devise an alibi. You know why? Because they love me and don’t want to see me go down a crappy life path.
Bruce reminisces about his trip to the Soviet Union during the Olympics. He speaks of the horrible devastation he saw and the lack of hope within these ruined lives.
I don’t want to assume, but Kim appears to be thinking one thing: I wish Bruce would stop talking about the Olympics. Either that or, ew… poor people.
Bruce, at the behest of his family, sits his girls down and tells them they need to learn the value of a dollar. I say, who cares! No one needs to know the value of a dollar if they have legs like these chicks!
Entering the doctor’s office for Kris’ urethra issue, Kourt displays a perfect top knot.
I don’t know how she does it. Top knots are either perfectly messy and carefree, or appear to be the work of a sumo wrestler’s hairstylist using Cindy Lou Who’s hair product of choice.
Nothing like watching your mother get medically fingered.On the way home from the doctor’s, the ladies practice their kegel exercises in the car.
Here’s the thing about kegels: When you talk about them, every woman in the room will do them. I am convinced of this. Never have I heard the word “kegel” without immediately tensing my vagina muscles.You’re doing it right now, aren’t you? 1, 2, 3, 4, 5 annnnnd release.
Later, Kris walks into her house carrying a package of panty liners used for leaky bladders. Notice I didn’t say she bought the package of panty liners. This is because…
Kris got an endorsement deal with the company and is now doing promotion for them.
And that is how you get things done. You take a problem, and you turn it into a cash-money solution. We should all strive to be more like Kris Jenner for the remainder of the fiscal year.
(first image via femalefirst.co.uk)
I’m too lazy to remember when the show comes on, so I just read your recap. It’s better, funnier and doesn’t drain me of my IQ.
Love your recaps.
And no kidding, after seeing that episode, I’m decided to start applying Kris’ “take a problem and turn it into a cash-money” approach to life.
This makes erevythnig so completely painless.
You’re awesome!! My sister and I were literally just talking about how she makes everything into a business somehow.
HAHA… I love you!
i never even need to watch the show because your play by play is surely much more entertaining! I laughed so hard i almost peed my pants. Thanks