This is it! The episode we have been waiting 6 years for! We get an x-ray of Kim’s butt!

Kim has recently come  across some new rumors about her non-existent butt implants. Apparently, according to the Internet, Kim’s left butt cheek exploded in the middle of air transit.

“This is the same website that says Kim burned a raccoon,” Kourtney laughs. Burned a raccoon? I’ve googled, dearest Kardashian fans, and I can’t find this supposed article — but I must read it. I’ll keep you updated if I find it if you promise to do the same.

At least they have a sense of humor

Kim, Kris and Kendall decide to go on a nice stroll to talk about their feelings or something. Though Kris immediately tells the viewer that they’ve taken up on walking because it’s a great way to get exercise as well as catch up with each other, I’m pretty sure that they’re just trying to shill their sneakers. They are hardly managing a pace faster than leisurely stroll and the paparazzi are ever-so-conveniently present.

To be honest, I would kill for Kris’ pink sneakers.

While on the walk, Kris reveals that she’s planning on changing her last name back to Kardashian. She informs her daughters that it’s only to streamline her business life, as most people assume her last name is the same as her more famous daughters. I can see where this is coming from, because before this episode I thought her last name was still Kardashian, despite being married to Bruce Jenner. Whoops!

She later reveals her plans to Bruce, who is hurt by this information. He takes it as a direct insult to his own last name. Both Bruce and the girls think that Kris is only considering the name change for purely selfish reasons.

This man is a future step-father to women who will be more famous than him

Over romaine lettuce and cheese, Kourt and Khloe discuss Kim’s ass. I kind of imagine that this exact scenario goes down bi-weekly among the Kardashians, comically large headdress included. Khloe proposes that it’s possible that Kim had butt implants without any of the family knowing and so they turn to the family photo albums for proof, which yields nothing as there is a surprising lack of butt pictures.

“Kimberly stole them all. Bible, she came to all of our houses, and stole them all.”
“You can’t ‘Bible’ that, Khloe.”
“Yes I can.”

Over a phone conversation heavily influenced by Henry the Giraffe, Kim agrees to get a butt x-ray. An x-ray. Of her butt.

This doctor is about to x-ray Kim Kardashian’s famous butt and he knows it.

History being made!

While shielding themselves behind the wall from the x-ray, Kourtney erupts with a grating squawk.
“What was that?” her sister asks.
“A bird,” Kourtney replies.
“A bird,” the doctor agrees.

That doctor has all of the boners right now. I’m sure he’s still a very professional physician but come on. He’s in a room full of Kardashians, talking about their butts to their faces. He absolutely has all of the boners right now, no matter how professional he may be. He has all of the professional boners.

As it turns out, Kim does not have butt implants. Her butt just naturally exploded that way a few years ago.
I felt really connected with Khloe when her near immediate reaction to taking a picture of her sister with the x-ray is to post it on her blog. Girl, me too. Me too. All day, posting things to my blog. Glad we can share this. I hope we can respect each other’s blogging game, someday. When we’re friends. Please?

(PS. Was it noticed by anyone else that Kim’s reaction to good news is to rub her butt on people and/or things?)

)