Big Booty Power Hour

Keeping Up with The Kardashians episode 602: Kim Becomes a Stage Mom

Is it a surprise to anyone that Kris Kard – excuse me, Kris Jenner – has a key to all of her children’s houses? Because somehow Scott missed that memo. When Kris lets herself into Kourtney’s home to aid in the baby-proofing process, Scott becomes enraged and kills her mercilessly. Just kidding, but you know that’s what he wanted to do. He looks so very much like fictional serial killer Patrick Batemen. In lieu of maiming, Scott merely grimaces with displeasure.

When Scott confronts Kourney about asking her to take her mother’s key back, Kourtney initially refuses. She doesn’t want to hurt her mother, which is understandable. I think that Kris might also be a “power mother”, and I know from experience that those are the kind you do not want to cross. Kourt explains that she doesn’t even know how she will bring the topic of the key up without hurting Kris’ feelings. “You’re going to say, Mom, I love you, but for right now I want my house to be private for my family,” Scott answers.

As if Scott needs to give me more reasons to hate him, he blatantly tries to put words in Kourtney’s mouth. No, Scott. Kourtney doesn’t want her house to be more private — you do. Man up and tell the woman yourself. She hates you anyway, it can’t get any worse.

While furniture shopping in a store that sells statues of horses for $7000 (“$7000? You could buy a real horse.”) and chairs that looks like vaginas (“It looks like a vagina.”), Kourtney concocts a lie to extract her house key from her mother’s firm grasp.

“It looks like a vagina.” – Kris Jenner, about a chair.

Khloe has long been my favorite Kardashian sister, but she really impressed me this past week. You guys, Khloe flipped her mattress. She probably does it every 6 months, too. I, on the other hand, have not flipped my mattress in two years and though sweet ‘94 Buick Regal’s inspection sticker expired 3 months ago, I just got a new one today.

This picture of Rob being responsible makes me feel things for him.

This episode heavily features Kendall trying her hand at modelling. Kim, playing the role of the big sister, offers to take her to New York for her next big photo shoot. Bruce displays some reservations on her trying out this career so young, explaining that she has years ahead of her to model. When Kim explains that she herself can model at age 30, “real” models like Kendall only have until their mid-20s to succeed.

Super adorable Bruce Jenner contemplates “real” models and agism

Moments after I think to myself that Kendall’s nails look positively amazing, Kim feels the need to inform her that her nails are “disgusting.” Less than 24 hours in New York and Kim is already primping her sister. That’s when it hit me: How hard must it be for your general aesthetics to please Kim Kardashian? She is flawless. Even her cellulite is impeccable.

“Put your mask on,” Kim urges her kid sister before they go to bed. I’m sure she is talking about some sort of acne-fighting mask because the girl’s bumps are pretty evident. My heart goes out to Kendall, because speaking as a chick who is still losing the battle with acne, it really sucks when people start to throw out their own little remedies for the dermatological ailment. Everyone else knows mysteriously better than our dermatologists.

While Kendall is off crying into her benzoyl peroxide ointment, Kris Humphries visits Kim. Kim asks him how much he loves her, to which he explains by way of his giant-person wingspan. In response, Kim displays that she loves him about, ahem, 7 to 9 inches.

Kris has the smallest head in the world

After Kendall’s photo shoot, Kim lands her a training session with someone who can help her with obtaining the skills necessary to be a runway model. Kendall almost immediately ceases taking the session seriously, later explaining that she did so because she’s too intimidated to try runway. Kim understandably becomes annoyed with Kendall, who eventually storms out of the session.

Portrait of a spoiled child as a young model

When the sisters arrive back home, Bruce reminds Kim that Kendall is merely 15 years old and cannot be pushed too far. I usually agree with Bruce Jenner about everything, he is the wisest man in the world next to how I imagine Santa Claus to be and Ghandi, but I disagree with him about this. If Kendall is just a spoiled little girl who wants some pretty pictures, then I agree with him. However, if this is Kendall’s dream profession, that girl needs to learn how to conduct herself. 15 is old enough to know the consequences of your actions, especially if a trained professional is at the helm of your career. I’m disappointed in you, Kendall! I have never in my life yelled at a Kardashian like this! I was rooting for you. We were all rooting for you! How dare you.

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