Single Girls Guide

Keep Your Eyes To Yourself

A few years ago, I worked on this movie that felt like a really big deal at the time. I was very excited to tell people about how I “needed to get to set immediately”. I was officially big time. If we were to fast-forward a bit, we would see that the movie went straight to DVD, but everything feels so much bigger when it’s happening. Which takes me to my story.

There was a girl in the movie that I was desperately jealous of. She had this ‘F the world’ attitude and a haircut I could never pull off. She had been on some hit show and had this energy like she just knew she was important. All the guys had a crush on her. I thought at least one of them would send a crush my way, but no chance, she had them all. When we sat in the make-up trailer together, I got nervous to talk to her in fear that I would say something uncool. I let her get in my head. I convinced myself that she was the next big thing, and I was some loser who got lucky. I started to wish bad things on her. I tried to draw people away from her. I may have spread a rumor or two. I didn’t want that ho having all the attention, I wanted it for myself! I feel pretty good about calling her a ho because honestly, she wasn’t all that nice to me. She ignored me on the regular. She made it clear I didn’t fit the criteria to be her friend. I was officially on HER movie set.

The point is that last night, I was watching some really bad TV show and noticed a girl who looked rather familiar. You guessed it. There she was, playing some lame chick in a pencil shirt with bad extensions. It was embarrassing. For her. For me, it was great. She was supposed to be taking roles from Scarlett Johansson by now.

The point of that is not wishing someone failure, it’s that nothing is what it seems at the time. You think someone else has everything you want, but if you wait long enough, it all evens out. It’s the times that you make a huge stink out of not being happy for someone that something sh**ty happens to them and you feel like a real assh**e. Being competitive is so unattractive. Literally, I can’t think of anything else that makes us look worse than jealousy. Mostly because you really can’t trust your instincts when they’re clouded by jealousy. Every time I have ever been taken over with a jealous rage or panicked that someone else was getting something I wanted, it has ALWAYS worked out differently than I expected.

The opposite sex can really get that jealous biotch to find her way to the surface. Guys can make the most even keeled woman go loco. We can turn on our best friend. We can be so bogged down by life that we feel like its our one chance to be spiteful and we start competing with a girl for some guy who is never worth it. I repeat, he is never worth it. Some people seem to have it all, but no one does. You have to be bigger than the pull. No one has what you want if it isn’t yours to have. And if you give it a little time, or a lot of time, you usually find yourself going, “ Oooohhhh, I wasn’t expecting that.”

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