‘Jersey Shore' Is Over And I Don't Know How To Feel About It

It’s over.  After six wonderful seasons, Jersey Shore is coming to an end. Let’s all take a moment to collect ourselves and dry our tears.  When I heard the news, I couldn’t believe it.  It felt like my world had been turned upside down.  Jersey Shore isn’t just my favorite show, it’s my favorite thing.  How could I live without it?  After a lot of  reflection and soul searching, I’ve been able to find some positives, but I still have very mixed feelings.

Reasons I’m Happy:

1.  Snooki Can Dedicate More Time to Baby Lorenzo

I’m not saying this is all Snooki’s fault, but it is 100% baby Lorenzo’s fault (for being born).  Maybe that’s not a bad thing, though.  Now that the show is over, Snooki can settle down, get away from all the cameras and teach this baby how to be a human being.  I mean, she’s a published author – she knows about things. It will be a little bit of an adjustment for Snooks, but she can do it.  Instead of fighting with Mike, she’ll be changing diapes.  Instead of burping Deena, she’ll be burping Lo-Zo.  Probably for the better.

*Note: I’m trying out a few different nicknames for Baby Lorenzo.  Let me know which one you guys like best in the comments section below.

2.  Even More Side Projects for the Cast Members

We’ve seen Snooki & JWoww, we’ve seen The Pauly D Project and now we’ll get to see all the other side projects!  I’m already looking forward to Vinny’s talk show, Feelings with Vinny, Deena’s dating show, Meatballin’ with D and for Mike to get a job as a waiter at Denny’s.

With the Jersey Shore chapter behind them, the cast members will have the opportunity to make a new name for themselves; in business, entertainment and even possibly legally.  I wouldn’t be surprised if the names “JWoww” and “The Situation” get page one rewrites.

3.  There Will Be Something New and Exciting to Look Forward to

The end of Jersey Shore makes way for the next big MTV reality show that’s going to take the world by storm. What’s it going to be? I can only speculate, but that’s cool cuz I love to speculate. What about a show focusing on young orthodox Jews living in Brooklyn, called, Crown Heights?  The wildest yentas meet the craziest mensches – this fall on MTV.  Sounds awesome, right? You can have that one, MTV. How about Gym Teachers, where seven loud, obnoxious elementary school gym teachers are thrown into a house together?  Let the games begin…this fall on MTV.  I’m not giving that one away, so if you’re an MTV executive, please email me (use my AOL account).

4.  They’ll Turn the Shore House into a Museum

Hopefully they’ll preserve the shore house forever and I’ll be able to go on a pilgrimage there.  I don’t see how that wouldn’t happen. It will be a wonderful tourist destination, like Graceland or President Obama’s house.  To stand in the legendary Smush room, where baby Enzo was conceived would be a thrill of a lifetime for me.  They can’t get going on this museum if those goofballs are still living in the house, right?

5.  Closure

Many of the greatest television shows have had the opportunity to decide when to end their stories.  The Sopranos, LOST, Breaking Bad and now Jersey Shore.  This  is a HUGE deal.

While the idea of closure makes me happy, this hinges on Jersey Shore being able to stick the landing.  They need to tie up loose ends, bring the excitement, introduce baby Zo in a tasteful way, amp up the drama and leave us feeling satisfied. It’s a lot to do, and I won’t pretend that I’m not terrified that they’ll disappoint me, but if we live in a just world, everything will work out.

Reasons I’m Sad:

1.  Unanswered Questions

This would be absolutely devastating. This is the unjust world scenario.  If I don’t feel closure, it will ruin the next few years of my life.

Will Snooki and G-Yanni stay together?  Will Vinny and Pauly stay together?  Why was there a polar bear in a jungle?  Will Ron and Sammy have another huge fight? Did Snooki and Pauly really hook up?  Did Snooki and The Situation really hook up? Who burps the most?

Fans will be absolutely up in arms  if these questions are left dangling over our heads.  I’d get the coast guard ready if I were you, President Obama.

2.  Goodbye, T-Shirt Time

I am so sad to see this go.  The rich melody of  “Teeeeeeeeeeee shiiiiiiirrrrrrtttt tiiiiiimmmmmeeee” will be ringing through my head for years to come and I’ll be missing it every day.   I just hope that the song ends up on the eventual soundtrack, Songs and Sounds From the Shore.  When does that come out again?

T-Shirt time is the best time to be alive.  It’s a moment of perfection and bliss in an otherwise chaotic world.  T-Shirt time is inclusive – when they say, “It’s T-Shirt time,” I think to myself, “Hey, I have a t-shirt too! I’m like them!”  What a feeling.  You better believe I’ll miss it.

3.  What am I Going to do with my Thursday nights?!

Now that I won’t have Jersey Shore to watch, and all the rituals that go with that (make a baked mostacholi, smash grapes with my feet, drink a six pack of  Red Bull, call a cab and then cancel it and spray hairspray all around my room), I’m already feeling lost.  What am I supposed to do?  Read a book?  Talk to my family?  Sounds crazy.

4.  Less Money for the Cast

With the show ending, the cast will surely have less money to spend.  How awful.  I don’t want them to have to change anything about their lives! Honestly, it’s not fair.  They’ve grown accustomed to a certain lifestyle and they shouldn’t have to make sacrifices just because the show is ending.   Maybe we can all donate to a Kickstarter or start a PayPal account to make up the difference.  It’s the least we can do.  Please leave your email address, social security number and bank account routing number in the comments section below.

5.  What if I Forget About Them?

I don’t want to forget them! Besides birds, death, immortality and space, this is my greatest fear. It’s on my mind constantly. Last night, I woke up in a cold sweat, startled and terrified.  I was having a nightmare that I ran into Deena at the grocery store and I couldn’t remember her name.  It was horrible. I immediately wrote it down in my nightmare journal and tried to get back to sleep.  I tossed and turned for a while and then finally dozed off after repeating the names of each of the cast members a couple dozen times.

Thirty years from now, I want to remember these people.  I want to remember all the laughs, all the tears, the practical jokes and how they changed my life forever.  These people have become like close personal friends to me, and it’s sad to think that I might forget my friends.  I don’t remember some of my friends from elementary school so I already have a pretty bad track record when it comes to memory.

Snooki, JW0ww, Pauly D, Vinny, Ron, Sammy and Deena.  Snooki, JW0ww, Pauly D, Vinny, Ron, Sammy and Deena. Snooki, JW0ww, Pauly D, Vinny, Ron, Sammy and Deena.  As long as that’s my mantra, I’ll be just fine.

(Images via MTV.com, Zillow.com, T-Shirt.com, The Ottawa Citizen, HTMLGiant.com, FoodPoisonJournal.com, Pitch.com, 4Shared.com, SmugMug.com and Work Smart Live Smart)

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