I don’t know why or how, but Jay-Z and Beyoncé gave their daughter Blue Ivy an expensive Barbie. As in, an $80,000 diamond-encrusted Barbie. I remember my first $80,000 diamond-encrusted Barbie. I named her Pegasus, and we had so many fun times together having tea with Michael Caine at Paul McCartney’s mansion on Saturn.
It’s their money so Jay-Z and Beyoncé can spend it however they want – buy her six diamond Barbies, I don’t care. I just got off the phone with my mom, who was yelling, “WHY DON’T YOU HAVE A JOB? GET A JOB.” and I yelled back, “Why don’t I strap on my job helmet, and squeeze into a job cannon and fire off into job land, where jobs grow on jobbies!” and she doesn’t watch It’s Always Sunny In Philadelphia so she didn’t get that reference. And I do have a job, I have many jobs, I just don’t have a full time one that pays well and doesn’t shower my parents in shame.
They also apparently spent $200,000 on Blue Ivy’s first birthday party. I remember my first $200,000 birthday party. There were swans wearing fur coats and David Copperfield was the magician and the cake had gold frosting and was on top of another cake with even more gold frosting.
This is a level of wealth I just don’t understand. Again, to be clear, I am stating that this is their money that they earned and they can do whatever they want with it. (Though I’m not saying I agree with their choices. Which I’m sure they’re fretting over. Oh man, I am going to get soooo many angry emails from Jay later.) It’s not their fault that I don’t have a billion dollars and a champagne vending machine. Or that I can’t even pay for basic health insurance.
Now I’m just depressed, I’m gonna go.
Photo credit: TIMOTHY A. CLARY/AFP/Getty Images