Apocalypstick Jay-Z and Beyoncé Gave Their Daughter An $80k Barbie Almie Rose

I don’t know why or how, but Jay-Z and Beyoncé gave their daughter Blue Ivy an expensive Barbie. As in, an $80,000 diamond-encrusted Barbie. I remember my first $80,000 diamond-encrusted Barbie. I named her Pegasus, and we had so many fun times together having tea with Michael Caine at Paul McCartney’s mansion on Saturn.

beyonce

Artist’s rendering.

It’s their money so Jay-Z and Beyoncé can spend it however they want – buy her six diamond Barbies, I don’t care. I just got off the phone with my mom, who was yelling, “WHY DON’T YOU HAVE A JOB? GET A JOB.” and I yelled back, “Why don’t I strap on my job helmet, and squeeze into a job cannon and fire off into job land, where jobs grow on jobbies!” and she doesn’t watch It’s Always Sunny In Philadelphia so she didn’t get that reference. And I do have a job, I have many jobs, I just don’t have a full time one that pays well and doesn’t shower my parents in shame.

They also apparently spent $200,000 on Blue Ivy’s first birthday party. I remember my first $200,000 birthday party. There were swans wearing fur coats and David Copperfield was the magician and the cake had gold frosting and was on top of another cake with even more gold frosting.

This is a level of wealth I just don’t understand. Again, to be clear, I am stating that this is their money that they earned and they can do whatever they want with it. (Though I’m not saying I agree with their choices. Which I’m sure they’re fretting over. Oh man, I am going to get soooo many angry emails from Jay later.) It’s not their fault that I don’t have a billion dollars and a champagne vending machine. Or that I can’t even pay for basic health insurance.

Now I’m just depressed, I’m gonna go.

Photo credit: TIMOTHY A. CLARY/AFP/Getty Images

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  1. I often think to myself that even if I was rich I wouldn’t spend money on silly lavish things; I would still buy cheap clothes and shop in charity shops and not be interested in high end cars and massive houses. But I’m probably just kidding myself.

    I would like to think if I had that much money I would spend it on travelling the world, creating a modest home with things I like in it and giving lots of money to charity. I hope the latter would be true, though I am not likely to ever find out!

  2. Haha I definitely agree with you. I even think spending $12 for a barbie is expensive. I get the fact people can do whatever they want with their money, but really a $80,000? Wow.

  3. Sounds like an $80 000 dollar choking hazard to me.

  4. I used to drop my barbies horizontally on the edges of tables and take great pleasure in watching them flip around. I also cut their hair and painted makeup on them.

    Maybe they haven’t yet realized what destructive and sick beings young children are.

    The money would have been better spent on almost anything else.

  5. that’s okay, our modern society loves assholes and beauty queens, the sheep keeps buying the garbage mass media keeps selling assholes and beauty queens, jay and bey succumb to that as well by buying a ridiculous toy for their little one

    hell, i fall prey to marketers myself… a whole bunch of times!

    yes, mass media will say jay isn’t an asshole, we the sheep fall into place and say “oh em gee, he is a nice guy” SHEEP …enter bey, she really is a princess i’m sure someone somewhere has a story about her “demands”,

    it isn’t their fault… not at all. THE SHEEP are at fault in this game. we buy the bee-es all the time, we fund their banks, we promote the assholes and beauty queens of the world.

    who bought the diamond barbie? you did.

  6. Here’s what I find funny: When someone who makes $75,000 a year a decides to do bottle service for their birthday. ($800.00 to $1000)

  7. Envy is part of life. Accept it.
    With that much money they can surely afford their taxes.

  8. Well now they have to buy her a 2million dollar GIJoe or $80,000 Barbie will have no one to marry.

    Santina Muha | 1/19/2013 12:01 pm
  9. For 80K they could hire the best songwriters. Then they could be big famous… Oh wait…

  10. Ugh, that Barbie would cover the majority of my student loans.

  11. loved this!

  12. People seem to lose their identity when they have too much money. Can’t say I’d complain having extra funds but at the same time I think that it is easy to be consumed by wealth and I would want no part of it.

  13. I agree. It IS their money and they are free to spend it however they please, but for two very public figures who take part in charity so often, I think it’s completely tasteless to spend that much on doll for a child who would probably just drool all over it anyway when there are children all over the world who didn’t even get presents for Christmas… It just seems a little insulting to go public with that kind of stuff.

  14. They could have given toys to all the little kids in a small country for that.

  15. loooooooooool.

  16. I hope she cuts off the Barbies hair like I used to do.

  17. Ugh, what an ugly and unnecessary display of bad taste. To think I used to look up to these people! What’s the point of giving a child something like that – she’s not going to understand what a diamond even is, until a she’s like, 5.

  18. I wonder what $80k Barbie’s doll house is worth?

  19. Aren’t you only supposed to give diamond encrusted toys to children over 3?

    • That was exactly what I was thinking! What if she swallows the diamonds? I mean, for babies that age everything’s potentially eatable. This might end with some really expensive diaper filling. ;)

  20. Kudos to the artist. That was some fine rendering x] I don’t know if I would give such expensive stuff to a one year old, had I the money, mind you. They’re happy with any old crap. I figure I’d save all that up for when they’re 16 and obnoxious. I can throw expensive things at them so that they’ll leave me alone and come back to me when they’re older and nicer.