James Bond Changed Me


I’ve taken a four-year hiatus from watching major motion pictures. I wanted movies to change my life and couldn’t bear the disappointment of the two-hour-plus emotional commitment. So instead, I’ve been deeply dedicated to Bravo’s rarely taxing Real Housewives franchise. The empty calories of reality television have provided the same excitement as a one-night stand. Quick, dirty and easy to move on from. But I believe my sabbatical may have come to an end. Last night I had my first ever IMAX movie experience in the form of the new James Bond movie, Skyfall.

As the previews rolled, I sat back in my chair, regretting my attempt to reconnect with the medium. The previews, which are typically an indication of the caliber of movie you’ve committed to, were god-awful. There was one for a film about a grown-ass, ‘roided out Hansel & Gretel. Then something about Hobbits and the ever-inventive idea to re-release Jurassic Park … in 3D. The most flattering thing I could say about my IMAX experience during the previews was that it was very loud. Then Bond hit the screen. The opening was HOT! My pulse was racing and I felt alive. The movie dealt with themes like mommy issues, aging espionage and loyalties. My overall takeaway was that Sam Mendes can direct the bejesus out of a movie. Having an over $150 million dollar budget is only good if you know what to do with it. The movie wasn’t perfect, but it was close. If it’s alright with you I’d like to break the movie down to promoters and detractors.


The opening: fast-paced, thrilling and visually stunning.

M’s turn to the window after learning agent Bond was “down.”

Dead Bond doing scorpion tequila shots.

Dead Bond wrapped in a gorgeous lady.

Dead Bond back from the dead.

The Komodo dragon that looked mad prehistoric and handled bad guys like a boss.

Bond joining you in an unannounced, naked, shower visit.

Javier Bardem as Silva.

The possibility of Bond and Silva having a love scene.

Judi Dench as M. She’s as tough as she is adorable.

Silva pulling out his mouth-piece to reveal some major periodontal disease.

Rigging up childhood home for epic spy-off.

Silva & Bond both seeming to want to make out with M in the second to last scene.


Flirty-talk between Eve and Bond – Not feeling it.

Bond thinking the only way he can get to the top of a building is by swinging from the rafters of an elevator.

Securing Silva in a glass cage.

M’s eye makeup. At times, someone should have swabbed her down with a Q-tip.

Silva blowing a hole behind Bond, timed perfectly with a tube passing. (The only time the effects felt lame.)

M dying of what seemed like a bloody palm.

007 has infiltrated my stand-off with the cinema. I’m back. Thanks to Bond…James Bond.

Featured image via Screenrant.com

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