J-Looper? But I Hardly Know Ya!

Jennifer Lopez and Bradley Cooper are “casually dating”.  This is important for a few reasons.  If any of you had plans to date either Jennifer or Bradley, you still can as casually dating suggests that they’re not exclusive.  Certainly it implies that they like each other, but if one of them were to decide that they were no longer interested, the other one could casually say, “No worries” and then go work out.  This kind of Get Out Of Jail Free Card is crucial when very sexy famous people date.  Very sexy famous people need to be able to not just look good at all times, but to also metaphorically look good at all times.  Okay, maybe this isn’t important to very sexy famous people, but it’s important to very sexy famous people’s publicists.

All I can think about is these two having sex.

Supposedly, they went on one date in New York about a month ago and “stayed in touch”.  That’s what a source told PEOPLE Magazine.  People who talk to PEOPLE are always super trustworthy.  So, I know this is definitely what happened.  To bring us up to present day, all I can tell you is that the two of them might or might not have been spotted in Bradley’s SUV in Los Angeles this weekend.  There’s a photo, but the woman in the passenger seat is covering her face.  Some other random source, sorry – a friend, told PEOPLE “She likes him.”   That’s all I needed to hear.  Because we all know, for a fact, you don’t get into someone’s SUV and cover your face unless you like them.  Even if it isn’t actually you.

All I can think about is these two having sex.

Sounds like one of these sources is saying that Jennifer and Bradley are “in discussions regarding a project”.  It’s my hope that very sexy famous people refer to dating as a project.  And why wouldn’t they?  Because dating is hard.  Am I right, people?  Don’t forget to tip your paparazzi.  But it might even be harder for these two.  I certainly don’t feel sorry for them.  It’s just a thought.  To go along with the other thought I keep having.

All I can think about is these two having sex.

These two are so beautiful, I cannot even take it.  I saw Jennifer perform live at the I HEART RADIO Concert in Vegas a few weeks ago.  I had really good seats and I’m pretty sure she sang two songs to me.  I’m the source on that one.  Suck it, PEOPLE.  I recently saw Bradley in THE A-TEAM on cable and he indirectly made eye contact with me on more than one occasion.  Of course, he’s not going to break the fourth wall, but I felt his intent.  Look, you guys, we’re not just talking about anybody here.  We’re talking about 295 and 368.  Those are Bradley and Jennifer’s IMDB STARmeter numbers and by the year 2020, those numbers will likely take the place actor’s actual names.  So you should all probably hurry up and upgrade to imdbPro accounts.  It will help for a smoother transition.  Did someone say smoother transition?  Whew.  (waves hand back and forth in front of face)  Is it getting hot in here?

All I can think about is these two having sex.

Fine.  We all know I know I’m the one who said smoother transition.   Hey, the bottom line is Jennifer Lopez and Bradley Cooper are “casually dating.”  This is important.  This is casual.  This is casually important.  But at the end of the day …

All I can think about is these two having sex.

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