It's Not a Vagina, It's a "Down There"

Have you guys heard about that brave, brave legislator who was recently banned from speaking on the floor of the House of Representatives because he uttered the medically accurate term “vas deferens” when trying to legalize condoms and vasectomies for middle-aged, rich, white men in Michigan? No, of course not, because that is ridiculous for men to not have the option for birth control at their ready. What’s even more ridiculous is that Majority Floor Leader James “Jase” Bolger found it perfectly acceptable to take away State Representatives Lisa Brown and Barb Byrum’s ability to speak on the floor for saying the word “vagina” during a discussion about  abortion. Abortions, for those of you who are a little unclear about the topic, kind of involve the vagina a lot. A whole lot. The entire procedure is unarguably incredibly vaginal.

What Bolger and the other men who still think it’s okay to act this way have yet to realize is that some bad ass bitches in the 19th century found our united, womanly voice. The Susan B. Anthonys and Elizabeth Cady Stantons of the world began to talk and because of them, we’ve learned it’s okay to keep talking. For the first time, women were beginning to realize that no one had the right to tell them to shut up because of their gender. Bolger can try to silence us for whatever he deems inappropriate, but he will not win. Good will always prevail. Someday women will make a dollar to every dollar men make. Someday gays will be able to get married… to each other! Someday life-threatening pregnancies will be allowed to undergo a life-saving termination. Someday women will be able to talk about vaginas during vagina-centric debates without fear of punishment. No matter how many Catholic Republicans (and I say this as a woman who comes from a family of Catholics and Republicans) try to silence our mouths and bind our hands, they will be found in the wrong.

In an effort to take an incredibly lazy and completely unhelpful stand against this war against vaginas, I would like to issue an open letter Bolger:

Dear Jase Bolger,

Vagina, vagina, vagina, vagina, vagina, vagina, vagina, vagina, vagina, vagina, vagina, vagina, vagina, vagina, vagina, vagina, vagina, vagina, vagina, vagina, vagina, vagina, vagina, vagina, vagina, vagina, vagina, vagina, vagina, vagina, vagina, vagina, vagina, vagina, vagina, vagina, vagina, vagina, vagina, vagina, vagina, vagina, vagina, vagina, vagina, vagina, vagina, vagina, vagina, vagina, vagina, vagina, vagina, vagina, vagina, vagina, vagina, vagina, vagina, vagina, vagina, vagina, vagina, vagina, vagina, vagina, vagina, vagina, vagina, vagina, vagina, vagina, vagina, vagina, vagina, vagina, vagina, vagina, vagina, vagina, vagina, vagina,

Vaginally yours,

Caragh L. Poh
Certified Owner, Operator, User  and CEO of her own vagina. Which is very vaginal. On account of being a vagina.

I urge you to send this to Jasey at your leisure. It’s not a way to enter Susan B. Anthony levels of making change in a misogynistic, vagina-fearing world, but it will probably make Bolger really uncomfortable and that’s good enough for me. I like to imagine him sitting there, wringing his hands over and over, mopping his sweaty brow as he’s forced to face the word “vagina.” Feel free to e-mail him at JamesBolger@house.mi.gov, or maybe even read it aloud to him a really adorable sing-song voice by way of the toll-free 1-877-BOLGER-1. One may also send him a package of tampons at 164 Capitol, P.O. Box 30014, Lansing, MI  48933 if one so chooses.

Hey, also, one more thing: vagina.

Pic via emmett.org

  • http://www.facebook.com/grace.e.dunn Grace Ellen Dunn

    I just have to first say that your writing never ceases to make my day! I follow you on Tumblr, too, and I just find you hilarious and amazing.

    I’m also glad I wasn’t the only one who felt the desire to shout the word “VAGINA” into Bolger’s face as much as physically possible.

  • http://www.facebook.com/kelsey.taylor.9847 Kelsey Taylor

    Lmao. Thank you so much for that.

  • http://www.facebook.com/marilynn.doore Marilynn T. Doore

    I sent the e-mail and got a lovely automated reply to my VAGINA e-mail. Hopefully a million vaginas can make a difference!!! Thanks for writing this, it made my day!!

  • http://www.facebook.com/allediane Alle Connell

    LOVES THIS.

  • http://www.facebook.com/brittbulens Britt Bulens

    THIS WAS SO GREAT!

  • http://www.facebook.com/lisrmiller Elisabeth Miller

    BRILLIANT. I couldn’t believe that the State Reps were barred from speaking after using a medically accurate term for a body part that is, as you say, kind of important in the whole abortion process. This is the type of article I love to see on HelloGiggles!

  • http://www.facebook.com/kirsten.laurie Kirsten Laurie

    hilarious

  • http://www.facebook.com/KristenHaynie Kristen Haynie

    Way to go with this!!! *virtual high five!*

  • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=8327016 Veronica Garcia

    consider it emailed. Thanks!

  • http://www.facebook.com/sherrywrightfrewerd Sherry Wright Frewerd

    That was hilarious and the whole idea is ridiculous. What a brave legislator that guy is btw.

  • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=678288288 Tiffany Suzanne Montgomery

    vaginally yours, ….had me laughing lots!

  • http://www.facebook.com/Kendall.De.Jong Kendall De Jong

    Love your writing! I will also be sending an email with the correct terminology for a body part pertinent to the entire discussion they were having…

  • http://www.facebook.com/nicolette.swanner Nicolette Swanner

    I sent an email and got a lovely little automated response.

  • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=726486962 Courtney Hosny

    So great and true! Way to stand up for women everywhere!

  • http://www.facebook.com/marthagetsit Martha Gabbie

    AWESOME! Love this so much! Both my vagina and I appreciated it.

  • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=719606883 Patty Housel

    He looks like a guy that can’t say VAGINA

  • http://www.facebook.com/alex.mckelley Alex McKelley

    Totally book-marking this article so I can read it over and over again! Also, so I can easily access Bolger’s email address and write him a vaginally strong, vagina-centered email! I have a vagina and I’m not afraid to shout it from the roof-tops!!

    “I HAVE A VAGINA AND I’M PROUD!!”

    Also, does Bolger not realize that every single female in fact has a vagina? It’s not like some unusual, rare creature! It’s a VAGINA!

  • http://www.facebook.com/ashley.lynn.cook Ashley Lynn Cook

    THIS was BRILLIANT! Laughed so hard…I even read it to my hubby and he laughed his derriere off! Thanks for this article 😉

  • http://www.facebook.com/lola.jacobs.50 Lola Jacobs

    I just sent the email and I cant stop laughing at the thought of this guy opening up all his emails and seeing VAGINA all over the place!!!!!! LOL

  • http://www.facebook.com/chantal.duchesne.12 Chantal Duchesne

    I sent the email! So much fun

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