It's Finally Ironic

I care a lot about grammar and the correct usage of words. Therefore, no matter how much I love “Ironic” by Alanis Morissette, I can’t help but be bothered by the fact that nothing in this song is ironic. I can’t sing a song of lies! So, I’ve decided to help Alanis out and I’ve taken the liberty of fixing the song for her. I might’ve made the song longer and it definitely doesn’t flow as nicely, but I think it’s just as catchy, if not more so. Feel free to sing along!

 

 Ironic by Alanis Morissette revised by Eliza Hurwitz

An old man turned 98

He won the lottery and died the next day from a severe paper cut from his lottery ticket.

It’s a black fly in your Chardonnay that was specifically purchased to repel black flies.

It’s a death row pardon that causes your demise, because you leave the jail and then you get hit by a bus.

And that really is ironic, I fixed it for you Alanis.

(You’re welcome)

It’s like rain on your wedding day. A day and place you chose, because it’s known to not rain.

It’s a free ride when you’ve already paid

It’s the good advice that you just didn’t take

I know this doesn’t really fit in with this song but I just want to say… it figures.

Mr. Play It Safe was afraid to drive

He hated cars so he packed his suitcase and got ready to fly

He wasted his whole damn life being afraid of cars

But as the plane crashed down he thought

“Well isn’t this nice…”

And that really is ironic, I fixed it for you Alanis.

 

It’s like rain on your wedding day. A day and place you chose, because it’s known to not rain.

It’s a free ride but you get mugged on that ride

I’ve got good advice that I’m forcing you to take

I know this doesn’t really fit in with this song but I just want to say… it figures

Well I’ve got an editorial way of sneaking up on you

When you think your use of irony is okay and the examples you give in your song are right.

And I’ve got an editorial way  of helping you out when

Your whole song about irony is wrong and everyone criticizes it

Right to your face.

A traffic jam when you left early because you’re afraid of being late. But leaving early causes a crash, which causes you to be late.

A no-smoking sign that you asked be put up when you quit smoking. Now you started again, but you can’t smoke because of the no-smoking sign.

It’s like ten thousand spoons that you bought with your only knife. Now all you need is a knife and you only have spoons.

It’s meeting the man of my dreams

And then meeting his beautiful wife-a couples therapist that you introduced him to when you forced him to go to couples therapy.

And that really is ironic…don’t you think

Finally, it’s a little too ironic…and, yeah, I really do think…

It’s like rain on your wedding day. A day and place you chose, because it’s known to not rain.

It’s a free ride but you get mugged on that ride

I’ve got good advice that I’m forcing you to take

My changes make it so your song makes sense

Who would’ve thought… it figures.

I’ve got an editorial way of sneaking up on you

I’ve got an editorial, editorial way of helping you out

Helping you out

I’ve got an editorial, editorial way of helping you out Alanis Morissette.

Featured image via BuzzFeed.

Need more Giggles?
Like us on Facebook!

Want more Giggles?
Sign up for our newsletter!