Teaspoon of HappyIt's All About the WhySarah May Bates

Untangling the truth behind what you struggle with, and what you don’t like about yourself is all about ‘the why.’

That’s the missing link to truly healing. All the stuff you tell yourself about who you are and what’s wrong with you is false. It is a justification your brain makes to make sense of what is scary or difficult to understand in your world. To give it some order, or some relatable terms.  “Why am I like this? Why do I get stuck with this one thing and how come I feel powerless to change it?”  Everyone – when they go through a particular set of experiences — will do pretty much the same thing as a result of them. Think about that for a moment.

If you grow up with a specific set of tools – have a particular kind of childhood, school, parents, summer camp, every tiny experience that makes up your life, down to the tiniest detail to the grandest trauma – you will manifest a particular set of tools with which you will build your life. Everything you understand and abide is something you learned, and you are doing the best you can with the tools you have collected thus far. So sometimes we don’t get all the tools we need and that means we have to go outside our life experience to find them. Like, for example, in a book about someone else’s life – someone we trust or relate to our in our problems. If we are not able to find the answer to our problems, it’s most likely because we’re searching for the wrong answer based on what has caused our tangle.

Once you learn about what has created a pattern or tangle in your person, you can unlock it. Understanding is the key.  Once you dissect the cause, you can deduce how to best remedy the problem – the most important element being pinpointing the correct problem. Often we look at the symptom as our issue and not the cause itself. Why? Because the problem is usually buried deep and also woven into our fabric as “truth” based on our experiences.

How do you know whether or not something is a symptom or the real cause? If you are thinking about it a lot, rather than logically acting on it, you are probably focusing on the wrong thing.  Meaning – when you can identify a problem, you know what to do about it and you either choose to deal with it or you don’t.  It doesn’t mean it’s not overwhelming or difficult, it means that it’s clear and unavoidable.  When you’re not identifying something as the true root of your pain, it comes in the form of non-stop analysis and obsession.  Your brain takes it apart from different angles, proving it to you in different ways, and it feels chaotic and annoying.  It’s an emotional reaction coming from fear, but it’s a bad feeling that’s not connected to what it seems to be about.  It’s not the real source, in other words.  To fix this problem, you’ve got to uncover the why behind it.

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