He saw her from across the room. Her pale blue eyes, dark hair, long legs for a surprisingly short body. He heard her laugh, saw her smile, smelled her Anna Sui perfume and knew that he had to talk to her. He grabbed a cupcake and two beers — one for her, one for him, cupcake for both? — and crossed the room when suddenly, his paper plate titled, the cupcake fell facedown on the cream colored carpet, a beer slipped out of his other hand and slammed down on his foot, with the velocity of his heart dropping into his stomach. Guests stared, laughed at him, yelled, some even fainted, and the whole time he thought, “This never would have happened if I had a hoodie that was specifically designed to hold a single bottle of beer above the pockets.”

This sweatshirt is for you, you brave, overwhelmed, desperate for more hands (and love), single man. But this sweatshirt does not discriminate; nay. It embraces all individuals who love beer but not enough to hold it. Women, envelope yourselves in this fleece lined monument of fashion ingenuity. Alas, I don’t think one would fare well with a bottle of Champagne or wine in the pocket; sagging will likely occur.

Now on sale for $29.95. A small price to pay for convenience and class.

From Stupid.com.