The Week In WHAT?!Is This How Humans Will Look In The Future?Jonathan Zipper

Okay. Things got a little too creepy for comfort this week. First of all, some guy got away with murder in Texas. Then we found out that some of the biggest companies on the planet are playing “Big Brother” – and not in the “doesn’t Julie Chen host that reality competition show on CBS?” way, but in the “oh hey, we may be watching everything you do” way. On the upside, it’s kind of like we’re all reality stars!

If all that hasn’t satiated your hunger for “WTF” stories, then we’ve got you covered with another round of “The Week In WHAT?!

Are We Humans or Are We Furby?

Pending the invention of time machines, there’s pretty much a 100% guarantee that you won’t be around to experience the world in the year 102,013. That hasn’t stopped two researchers from speculating what humans might look like after 100,000 years of further evolution and scientific discoveries. Working with computational geneticist Alan Kwan, artist Nicholay Lamm created renderings of how the species would appear in a world where humankind is “able to bend human biology to human needs.” Of course, the resemblance to photos of you and your friends that you’ve personally “enhanced” on your Macbook are more than likely a pure coincidence.

U.S. NAVY NO LONGER HAS DIFFICULTY CONTROLLING THE VOLUME OF ITS VOICE

When it comes to the Internet, almost every millennial knows the basic ins and outs of communication, whether or not accompanied by often superfluous emoticons. After all, it’s the first generation to fully immerse itself in the interwebs. However, the old guard occasionally needs time to play catch-up or adapt to change. So, it should come as little surprise that the U.S. Navy only recently decided to embrace the 21st century by dropping its ALL-CAPS format (typically considered a sign of textual shouting) from future communiqué. The transition won’t be complete until 2015. No word on whether the CAPS LOCK moratorium will translate to less actual shouting directed at our country’s seamen. ;-)

Kid Cybersmacks Cyberbullies With His Words

With great power – you know, like the first amendment right to freedom of speech – comes great responsibility. When it comes to those who try to use their words for evil, suffice to say, ignorance is anything but bliss. Then again, there are 11-year-olds like former “America’s Got Talent” contestant Sebastien De La Cruz, who can take a moment of xenophobia as an opportunity to remind the world why America is the land of the free and the home of the brave. After his performance of the national anthem at the NBA finals sparked incredibly racist remarks in the Twittersphere, De La Cruz took to the airwaves to teach these uninformed souls what happens when they A-S-S-U-M-E. Lest anyone needs reminding, “it does NOT say RSVP on the Statue of Liberty.”

Monopoly Is Not The Game of Life

Imagine living in a world where you would occasionally stop to pick up one of those “chance” or “community chest” cards from Monopoly and experience the results IRL. Naturally, your card of choice would be the one featuring a “bank error in your favor” with additional money magically appearing in your savings account, right? Well, IT ACTUALLY HAPPENED TO SOMEONE! A 48-year-old German bank clerk fell asleep mid-transaction on his keyboard, accidentally transferring 222,222,222.22 euros to a customer. In defense of the tired employee, his supervisor appeared to be an equally drowsy chaperone because she subsequently approved the transfer without question. Someone eventually caught the error, and the lucky beneficiary of nearly $300 million quickly returned to reality with the dashed dreams of buying Boardwalk and Park Place.

And there you have this week in “WHAT?!” Can’t wait to see what’s in store for humanity next!

Image via MyVoucherCodes.co.uk

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  1. They NEED to make a movie based on this! :)

  2. Sorry to be THAT person, but the bank clerk wasn’t 48. His supervisor was the one who was 48.