Man oh man, has this become a real challenge for JCizzle (nickname time) lately. I used to be the girl that loved herself a good high road when faced with adversity. In fact, I journeyed down that path more than most. And sometimes, the only benefit I squeezed out of it was the ability to sleep at night knowing that I challenged myself to be a good person. But now? Yeesh.
I don’t know when a switch turned off in me to start taking the low road, but it’s happening. The brakes don’t work on this tug boat and I’m coming your way… DUCK!!! Out of panic, I called me Mum at 3am west coast time, 6am east coast time to get some piece of mind from a woman that, through everything my mouth has gotten me into, can lay down the true meaning of life and how to correct my mistakes better than anyone else can. She hears me out, sighs in disappointment, then repeats how loved I truly am. Sound corny? Well, that’s because it is. Big time. .
I know I’m loved, but to hear it for real from the woman who birthed me in a pile of goo turns out to be a stellar feeling. She weighs my option for me on the line. Usually, it’s swallow my pride and take responsibility for my actions. Yes, words can hurt you but if you are honest in how you truly feel, the good people will find a way to give you a chance and the other people are not a necessary factor in your life, even though they may be the most popular or most famous or a one-time best friend. She requests that I don’t hide behind fart jokes (because that’s, like, my thing) and I mend the situation to the best of my ability so I can walk away with my head held high. It’s not the easiest road to take, but it seems to be the one with the most life-lessons learned since I used to big fan of just blocking people altogether.
After all, I, you and everyone in between are human. Mistakes will always be a constant in people, so we at some point need to learn to trust that not all people do them in a mischievous manner. However, that trust is hard for some to work with. It’s much easier to shut down and turn off because someone’s wronged you. I get that. Hence why I’ve been dabbling in the low road lately. But the feeling of the low road is an icky, lonely one that doesn’t allow me to sleep at night. I love sleep almost as much as fart jokes.
I guess I just want to crack the code on being the bigger person. I’ve dabbled in it and what it was like when I took a stab at Mean Girls and their ability to multiply, but if “being the bigger person” was a pill we could swallow instead of a trait you have to train your brain to go with, then the world would be swallowing them left and right living in a world of daisies and Butterfinger bars.
The lesson here? Quit beating yourself up. You are learning to be who you are as a person. Somebody that would rather hate you than accept that you’re flawed is going to miss out on the “you” when you are grown and have life lessons under your belt. Talk it out loud with the person that knows you best and be the incredible human being that you were meant to be. But if you find yourself steering off into the not-being-the-bigger-person-zone, then soak that feeling in because you rarely do it, and eventually you’ll find out that isn’t the jam but a feeling of a sticky, soggy poop.*
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