One of my biggest bugaboos when it comes to stereotypes of women is that we become absolute monsters when we’re PMSing. Did your female boss come down a little too hard on you for a mistake you made at the office? She must be PMSing. Is your girlfriend simultaneously freaking out and sobbing over absolutely nothing? Uh oh, she must be about to get her period. Was your best friend’s text reply to you just a little too sharp? Ugh, she needs to start bleeding, already!
Of course, what makes this stereotype most annoying is that it originates from men. So often in society – even in pop culture – periods are viewed as the ultimate in scapegoat paradise, an easy explanation for any behaviour on a woman’s part which is seen as out of the norm. Any anxiety, anger, fits of unabashed emotion are chalked up to the fact that your uterus lining needs to be shed. And the worst part of it all? A lot of times, it’s kinda true.
For as many millenia as women have been menstruating, the process remains one of biology’s more mysterious offerings when it comes to the effects it has on those of us who go through it monthly. Aside from the physical effects – headaches, exhaustion, cramps, etc. – periods can really pack a punch in the emotional department for many. Suddenly we become these creatures of unexplained stress, rage and sadness that are nearly impossible to understand – especially to ourselves.
There’s nothing worse than feeling awful, knowing why you’re feeling awful but being unable to stop it. The week before my period turns me into an absolute nightmare, not only to myself but to those closest to me. I cry at the drop of a hat, I get so stressed that I find myself smoking more cigarettes and sleeping less and worst of all, the other Big P hits: paranoia.
If you don’t generally struggle with paranoia and insecurity, well then, screw you. I kid! You’re lucky. But pre-period, the entire world falls apart for me and my inner train of thought goes something like this: What’s wrong with me? Ugh. I need to lose weight. My hair is a mess. Why do I dress like this? No one likes me. No, not even her. I’m bothering her, she doesn’t want to talk to me, can’t I see that? I’m not loved. Everything is ruined and it’s my fault. I’m wasting my life. I have no talent, I’m a hack and everyone knows it. I need no one to ever speak to me again. I really, really need a hug. Then, inevitably, an hour later or so I’m just fine again.
Charming, right? Of course, even in the midst of this, my normal, logical brain is rolling its eyes at me. Even typing it now – mere hours after having one of these fits – I’m rather horrified. There’s not a single word of the above – besides shedding some pounds, natch – that I believe to be true in my rational state. So why, then, does that feeling take hold so strongly every month, albeit in short (but regular) spells?
Well… no one knows, frankly. While the general belief ties PMS symptoms to everyone’s favourite neurotransmitter serotonin’s interaction with your estrogen and testosterone levels, that theory hasn’t been fully scientifically proven. Many professionals also believe that in the days before your period (get fancy with it: “the luteal phase”), your body’s beta-endorphin levels are radically diminished. To give you a pretty messed up correlation, your body reacts similarly to how it would were you experiencing withdrawal from opiate addiction. Joy!
According to a study by the American Academy of Family Physicians, “More than 200 symptoms have been associated with PMS, but irritability, tension and dysphoria are the most prominent and consistently described.” In addition, the number of women who experience some variation of PMS symptoms monthly? Oh yeah, a staggering 85%. On top of that, an estimated 2-5% of those women struggle with PMDD – PMS’s hell raiser of a big sister which is so severe, many find it difficult to get out of bed in the morning. Ain’t life grand?
There are, of course, things you can do to try and ease the symptoms: exercise, meditate, make sure you’re drinking enough water and getting enough vitamins and sleep, eat an entire bag of crisps and two bars of chocolate while watching Friends reruns in bed… Okay, maybe not that last part.
Still, knowledge is key. When you begin to notice your patterns of behaviour during these times, you can try to nip them in the bud and talk yourself down from the ledge when they arise – “try” being the operative term, here. Sometimes there’s nothing you can do to stop the feeling. You just have to know that it’ll pass and try not to let it derail you entirely. While the temptation to wallow in all the untrue things your brain tries to convince you of in those moments may be strong, be smart about it.
If you just can’t turn those thoughts off, then turn everything else off – your phone, your laptop, your TV. Let it all out, sure. Scream, cry, listen to depressing music if you must, but remind yourself that you’re doing just that – letting out emotions brought on by hormones, not by truth.
But PMS is still a bitch.
Screaming woman photo and Help clock photo via ShutterStock
there are a few vitamines, herbs and some additives that can really help with PMS in my experience (I had a really baaaaaad case of PMS every month). its vitamine B6, St, Johns wort (Hypericum perforatum), magnesium and zinc.
maybe it can help some of you too!
I think it would have more to do with men not being able to empathise with someone if they haven’t experienced what it is that person is experiencing. Men generally have less empathy than women when they find it hard to understand situations if they have not been there themselves. Interestingly, there was a study where men and women were shown pictures of people they liked and didn’t like being “hurt” and in “pain”. The women’s brain registered in the empathy zone with both the liked and disliked people whereas the men’s brains only registered with the liked people.
I’m not sure if this is brave or foolhardy but may I give a man’s perspective on the issue?
I think I can sort of understand that it must be incredibly unpleasant to experience the feelings you describe. I can get an idea of how awful it can be for some women because I’ve experienced many of these feelings myself – though not usually all at the same time and caused by stress and other factors rather than hormones. And they’re bad enough in isolation, but all together must be a nightmare.
I totally agree that many men’s reactions to PMS can be insensitive, patronizing, demeaning and just downright stupid. I’m not in any way trying to excuse their
behaviour. I just need to get that straight. And I agree that it is totally unfair that women are made to feel guilty about it in a society which sadly is largely
dominated by men and male perspectives and needs.
But there is a factor in all this that I believe in some way explains why many otherwise sensitive, caring thoughtful men have sooo much trouble dealing with women with pms. And in my experience very few people I’ve talked to have made this connection. Many men (yes – including me) grew up with mothers who most of the time were loving and patient and caring and nurturing. But then sometimes these mothers would suddenly become cold, distant, angry, upset, impatient, volatile, violent even. To these little children it must have felt like the sun went out. To a young child your mother is literally your life, your source of food and comfort and warmth. Children are incredibly sensitive to changes in behaviour from their caregivers – and it’s easy to imagine that faced with a sudden change in behaviour like that a child might think “What did I do?” So for children growing up with mothers who suffered from PMS there would have been this pattern of “She loves me”….”She hates me”…”She loves me again” which is incredibly unsettling. So when a man reacts to your symptoms and feelings in a way which is insensitive, or oversensitive, or angry or resentful or otherwise unhelpful, maybe, just maybe, for him it’s like a flashback to his childhood when it felt like his mother didn’t love him anymore and his primeval fear of abandonment (and therefore death) kicks in and overpowers his ability to be rational and caring.
Or maybe he’s just a jerk and this is sub-Freudian psychobabble.
I needed to read this today!
Most stereotypes are unfair generalizations, but are still based on facets of truth nonetheless. Hence why they register as “common denominators”. Women are hyper-emotional when hormones are raging and some are downright ridiculous. I’m a woman and I can’t even handle a super-PMSer. To blame men for perpetuating this “stereotype” when it’s a female’s behavior triggering the perception, is unfair. Besides, every female handles it differently, so let’s be honest: some do use it as an excuse to be a princess.
I think you’ve misread the entire point of my article – while female behaviour may be at the root (which I’ve admitted throughout the piece to be an accurate portrayal), my point is that it’s largely used by men as a device to be dismissive of a woman’s moods/actions/feelings when they are outside an acceptable/quantifiable range. The frustration is twofold – one, that we as women who actually experience PMS feel this at all and two, that a man dictates the nature of the experience when he’s never actually been through it himself.
Nonetheless, this piece was not meant as any sort of feminist manifesto but rather an acknowledgment of what so many of us go through but are made to feel guilty about it in the eyes of society, which, in fact, is still pretty dominated by men’s ideals.
Yes. Yes it is a biiiiitch.
How ANNOYING is it when your man says that insensitive statement of: “Is it that time of the month?” with the accompanying eyeroll after any sort of semi-grumpy comment from me regarding anything?! Am I right ladies? lol!
Wait until you go through menopause. I went through “the change” in my late 20′s and did not know it. I almost ended up divorced as a result of the absolute ball of insanity that I was for several years. Too bad my old doctor told me I wasn’t having my period because I was fat and I was actually going through menopause. I recently got on black cohosh and am much better. I wonder if it could also help symptoms of PMS?
It’s quite sad how true this is.
I have pretty bad anxiety issues as it is, so the week before is like hell for me. I become the angriest person in the world, and the worst thing is that I can see myself being completely ridiculous, irrational and generally an awful person but I can’t stop it. I snap at my bf for the the smallest things, and then feel like a huge bitch. Then I become extraordinarily paranoid, and start beating myself up about everything, because apparently in this state I am a terrible person and I hate myself. Aren’t hormones wonderful?
I was just thinking about this this morning! I’m actually getting ready to go on The Pill because I have PMDD and it’s only gotten worse and the last time I was on the pill, it evened things out. Because, let’s face it, having your emotions go haywire one week out of every month is so not cool.
is that why every time i slightly complain about anything, my husband asks me if i need a box of tampons? hate that, “you left the stove on damn it” … ” Do you need a box of tampons?” geeez
Haha. That’s terrible. Next time he complains or bitches about something, ask him, “Do YOU need a box of tampons?” Haha. I wanna know how he reacts.
Speaking of PMS, I just realized that after reading a few months past tweets, (Sometimes I do that.) that my family & friends can probably tell when I’m PMS’ing by my tweets. I’m serious. One week I’ll be hating this, and hating that, wondering why God hates me so much and I’ll tweet things like, “Why am I so lonely when I’m surrounded by so many friends & family?” …and then the next week, I’ll tweet something like, “I love all of my friends & family. My life…IS AWESOME!” Or, one week tweet things like, “Being an unemployed graduate is unfair. These bills aren’t gonna pay themselves. Why do I have such a hard life? God hates me. I know it.” And then…the next week, I’ll tweet, “Being unemployed is making me a better person. The more I struggle, the more I appreciate life. It’s his plan for me. I know this, and it will all pay off in the end.” I swear, my followers on Twitter probably think I’m bipolar. (No offense to those that are.) How do I let them know that I’m probably just PMS’ing? You know?
Ugh! In the end, women confuse the hellz outta me even. The things we gotta go through…it’s unfair! It’s definitely a hard knock life for us sometimes…and it makes me think that maybe God was sexist & put all of this pressure on us on purpose. We deserve more praise…or something. I don’t know…and NO I am not PMS’ing! It’s the holidays, and that’s another level of rant tweeting. Oh look…coffee!
Thank you for writing this article. I hardcore appreciate when people have the gumption to talk about when things aren’t okay, times when you are not picture perfect and if you could you would run away from yourself. I feel still so much of the world refuses to believe that it is okay to say “Today I’m not alright.”
Only problem is.. my “Hulk”-rage is usually at it’s highest before my period. The rest of the month I just blame it on being crazy! haha
“Any anxiety, anger, fits of unabashed emotion are chalked up to the fact that your uterus lining needs to be shed. And the worst part of it all? A lot of times, it’s kinda true.”
This is definitely what is the most frustrating thing about periods and PMS. There really is something going on with our bodies and we have very little control over it. We’re not just crazy! I’ve been fortunate enough to not really experience any bad cramping or intense PMS symptoms, but when I’m on my period? I am a maniac. And I fully acknowledge this and camp out in my apartment with pizza and wine for three days. I’ve been hearing though that yoga can be pretty great with alleviating some of the insane lady in me. I just have to, you know, go.
totally agree. Men will never understand. I go through some really intense rollercoaster emotions the week before. I always have to have one big cry before it starts and that’s how I know that Aunt Flow is coming to town.
Hi, I’m you. Only, 15. And this article made me happy.