Faith ForaysIn Defense of Internet FriendshipsBecca Rose

image via Shutterstock

The first time I met an Internet friend “in real life” was strangely anticlimactic. Don’t get me wrong – it was still very weird to see my friend Emily’s face animated in motion for the first time, and I was a whole lot taller than her, which I didn’t expect. But since everyone I have met the traditional way was freaking out that I was going to eat lunch with a stranger from the Internet, I was expecting it to feel weirder than it did.

Mostly, it was wonderful to see a whole person, in person, where before I’d had tweets and texts and Facebook posts and voice messages. But it didn’t feel strange to me at all; it just felt normal. This is my friend, and she is here, and now I know I dwarf her in person.

We live in an age where Internet friendships are the norm. We make best friends online, we meet lovers, we create lasting bonds from across continents. To me and to my friends who I’ve met online, it isn’t weird at all. It’s our normal, and it’s great fun. But there’s still a stigma attached to meeting someone on the Internet, as I found when trying to explain to a coworker that I was talking with someone I’d met on a dating site. There’s this thought that someone you meet on the Internet is someone you haven’t met in the “right” way, or the normal way, and it makes it somehow icky or weird or plain wrong.

I have found my life so enriched by the people I have met online. I have a group of Twitter friends who turned into voxing friends and we talk about our days, our families and our heartbreaks, just like any IRL friends would. It doesn’t matter that we spread across the country from California to Ohio to Oregon. It doesn’t matter that I’ve never hugged them. I know that they are people who I can call and count on.

I recognize that not everyone is as connected to others from afar as I am. I’m sure there are downsides, too – I’m often tethered to my phone to have a conversation over 140 characters that would be much more rapid-fire in real time. When I want to see a friend for coffee, I often can’t because they live a thousand miles or an ocean away.

To me, though, having and maintaining friendships that have been forged through Instagram likes and blog posts is not much different than keeping up with friends I made in college and moved away from. Some of my best friends are people I met in “real-life” situations and then kept in touch with through moves and life changes. Social media has been a vital part of staying a part of each other’s lives. The only difference between the friends I’ve made the traditional way and the ones who became dear to me one tweet at at time is that I haven’t hugged some of them.

I don’t even like the phrase “in real life” because, for me, who I am online and who I am in my everyday are one and the same. It isn’t hard to make genuine connections or forge bonds across internet platforms, and I have a pretty even spread of friendships across the internet and real life board. I’m not saying exercising caution isn’t important, but once you’re literate in the ways of the web, you’re able to filter real from not real fairly easily.

I think we’ve come to a point where the separation between our physical lives and our lives on the internet is growing ever smaller. The distinction of what we’ll allow as valid in friendships and what we won’t, simply because they started over tweets instead of coffee, is blurry. I vote we just accept that this is where we’re at, and let life-affirming friendships be exactly what they are, no matter where they originated. And hey, bonus, I know I’ll always have a place to stay in Ohio..and England…and Australia…and Canada…and more.


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  • Lissette Segovia Morales

    I met my roommate on twitter… we became very good friends, first on twitter and then in real life.
    Last year I had to move to another city because I found a job, and she started to study a new career, so we decided to live together because it was practical for both of us.
    It’s been a great experience.

    btw I from Chile and I don’t mind meeting new people

  • Alice Stringer

    GIRL, BE MY INTERNET FRIEND! You can never have enough Brits as friends, eh? ;)

    To Lauren below; which app was this, may I ask? In a similar situation :)

    • Lauren Stewart

      Alice: It was OKCupid! :) What about you?

      • Alice Stringer

        Whisper! I wasn’t even looking for a guy, we just both shared a mutual love for huskies haha!

        • Lauren Stewart

          Oh that is so cool!! Well good for you! :)

  • Lauren Stewart

    Thank you so much for this post, Becca! It really hits home for me.

    I met my boyfriend through an online dating site (from an iPhone app, to be exact!) and for a good while I was embarrassed to tell anyone that was how we met.

    I grew up with the impression that it was inappropriate or shameful to meet someone over the internet… but you know what? That dating site helped match me up with someone just perfect for me, with the same interests and life views. Neither of us likes going out to parties or bars or has been good at “picking up” the opposite sex; we are homebodies, artists, video gamers, and like staying in with the pets. We even lived in different cities at the time. Without the internet, I think it’s safe to say we would have never, ever met this guy.

    We got to know each other by writing long, detailed messages to each other, then Skyping and texting regularly, then when we met in person for the first time, it was so much fun! And actually felt quite natural. Now, we live in the same place and are about to celebrate a year together… and I’m completely happy-in-love with him!

    So before I end this comment (sorry it’s so long!), thank you again, for defending online relationships. They really are just as important as traditional ones. :)

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