Me: Hi, Santa! Thanks so much for taking the time to talk to me; I know you’re extremely busy right now, with your big day right around the corner and all.
Santa: I always have time for all the good little boys and girls out there! That’s what Christmas is all about!
Me: You’re very kind to refer to me as a little girl, but let’s be honest, I’m in my thirties and in full disclosure, I’m Jewish.
Santa: Ho, ho, ho, well, I already blocked out this time anyway, so let’s make the best of it!
Me: Works for me!
Santa: So, what was it that you wanted to talk about?
Me: Hmm? Oh. Sorry, I was just distracted. Looks like you have a little something stuck in your beard. What is that? A gingerbread house?
Santa: Probably. But don’t tell Mrs. Claus Please! I’m supposed cutting back on the sweets and treats.
Me: You do look a little jollier than last year. What does your doctor say about your weight?
S: Oh, I don’t believe in Doctors. They’re just a made up legend to get kids to eat their vegetables and exercise.
Me: Fair enough.
Santa: Would you like a bite?
Me: No thanks, I just had a grilled cheese.
Santa: Well, it’s here if you want some.
Me: I probably won’t, but thank you.
Santa: Well, if you do…
Me: I won’t.
Me: So, Santa, I’m sure you get asked this all the time, but what would YOU like for Christmas this year?
Santa: Actually, no one has ever asked me that before.
Me: Really? So, I’m the first?
Me: That’s amazing!
Santa: More sad, really.
Me: True. But still. I’m the best!
Santa: Let’s not lose focus here.
Me: Right. What would you like for Christmas this year?
Santa: What I want is simple. Peace on Earth and goodwill toward men.
Me: That’s very swee–
Santa: Oh! And season 3 of Gilmore Girls on DVD.
Me: Consider it done.
Me: Just to be clear, I just meant the DVD.
Santa: I know.
Me: I’ll try for peace too though.
Santa: That’s all I ask.
Photo by The Tarica Family