Hello everyone, I am Joselyn and I have a pretty hard time being positive.
No one wants to think they’re the wet blanket on this wacky rollercoaster we call life, so in an effort to become a more happy and insightful person, I’m going to try and only see the glass half full from now on.
Half Full Situation:
After getting tagged in a weird spam shoe picture for the 86th time, I’m about two seconds away from quitting Facebook.
AND I’M SERIOUS THIS TIME.
Sound overly dramatic? Sure. But that’s not my only problem with it. Stop changing the layout and sending me weird game/app/whatever requests. I’m talking to you, “Branch Out.”
It’s obviously my moral obligation as a human and social media whore to be on sites like Facebook, but that doesn’t mean I’m happy about it.
Half Empty #1:
The Tags. THE TAGS!
Okay, the tags are a HUGE problem for me.
I’m NOT okay with getting tagged in a crappy neon Nike high top pic. But I’m also not okay with most pictures I get tagged in. I have no idea what my “best angle” is, or how to “look good in most pictures,” okay?
I know I’d be SO much cooler if I was all, “Hey guys, tag me in whatever, I DON’T CARE.” But I’m not, ‘cuz I do, so bah picture-tagging humbug. Stop tagging me, I HATE THAT PICTURE!!!
Someone must have heard my whining (probably the Winklevoss twins) because they made a feature that lets you approve the tags other people create. I mean, it’s no cease and desist letter to get the damn unflattering picture off the internet, but it’s a great start.
I’ll take it. (And use it every chance I can get. You hear me, you ugly-pic-tagging freaks?)
Half Empty #2:
It’s a one way ticket down Stalker Alley. Sometimes you hop on FB and forty minutes later, you’re checking out some chick who’s friends with a friend of your cousin’s ex.
BECAUSE YOU NEED TO KNOW WHAT SHE LOOKS LIKE – WHY ELSE WOULD YOU BE LOOKING AT HER ‘08 CANCUN TRIP?!
This is where we can all practice that thing called FB Self Control. Take a deep breath, make sure no one is watching, and then slowly back away from the computer, you hear me? BACK AWAY. Turn it off. See? You’re stronger already.
You know what I do? I turn off the people who trigger my creephavior from my timeline. POOF! Off they go. And guess what? They’re no longer your problem.
So knock it off, you. (Me. I’m talking about me.)
Half Empty #3:
I have better things to do with my time. SO much better.
Sure, we all have better things to do. I could be helping stray kittens or knitting scarves for cold people somewhere. But there ARE actually nice things about Facebook.
You can rally for a cause you weren’t aware of, read news you might not have learned otherwise or yes, make sure some friend of a friend of your ex’s cousin isn’t dating your other ex. (Stay with me.) As long as you keep your online presence in check, you’ll be fine.
Unless you’re a total stalker. In that case, cancel your account and do some yoga, you freak.
…then join twitter. Totes JK!
Phew, thanks for the chat, guys. I feel better already.
Image via Me