I'm So Not an Adult Yet

I'm So Not an Adult Yet

About a month ago, I fell in the shower. It was an epic fall that left me on the brink of death. As my side throbbed and head went dizzy, I thought to myself, This is what death  feels like. I got up, tried to keep shaving my legs but ended up passing out instead. Seriously. And all I could think about was how I am clearly really old.

Now it has come to my attention that on Monday I turn 24, which only confirms my suspicions that I will die soon.

Twenty-freaking-four. I’ve been told this puts me in my “mid-twenties” as opposed to the “early-twenties” which sounds so much more carefree and fun and sexy. I never thought I’d be that person who had a problem with getting older but as my belly rounds out and I notice some cellulite on my butt and wrinkles around my eyes, I’m starting to feel very uncomfortable with this mid- idea. Because I am nowhere near being adult.

I’m watching Sex and the City and Miranda just said, “Sometimes I don’t do laundry for two weeks.” She said this as if it was really shameful, which makes me wonder just how ashamed I should sound when I tell you guys that it can take me a month or longer to get my laundry half-done. And it’s not like I have a ton of clothes that make laundry unnecessary for so long. I have very few clothes. And I hardly do laundry. Don’t breathe deeply around me.

Then again, Alanis Morissette is kissing Carrie Bradshaw right now, so I’m not sure I can take this show seriously ever again.

Also, doing dishes is like, really complicated for me. And taking out the trash. Honestly, if I didn’t have a roommate and fairly regular guests, I would be living in filth. I also hardly ever eat full meals and mostly rely on Auntie Anne’s because they have a mall employee discount. Also, Chick-Fil-A workers may or may not recognize me and go, “Heeeeeey!” every time I come in. We have a rapport going, you know? Yeah, you know.

This one time, I was charged a fee at my bank that made no sense to me so I went in to figure it out. The woman was awesome and nice, but as she looked at my account, she went, “Wow, you, ah. You eat a at Chick-Fil-A a lot.” I don’t think I’d ever been so embarrassed in my life. She wasn’t mean about it, she was joking around, but I know I went bright red.

“I DON’T HAVE A KITCHEN IN MY HOUSE!” I practically yelled this in her face and I’m pretty sure spit slapped her on the cheek. It’s a complete lie: I have a fridge, an oven, even a sink, but there is literally no counter space which makes it impossible to cook or even make a sandwich to go. So I eat a lot at the mall food court and since there is no salad place, Chick-Fil-A is my safest bet, okay?

Yeah, I get their nuggets or fried sandwich, but why make a federal case about it?

Anyway, she seemed to forgive me for being completely disgusting and said, “Oh yeah, they’re opening one down the road from us, I guess I know where I’m going for lunch every day, LOLOLOLOLOLOLOL!” and I think she felt so bad for me and that’s why she gave me that overdraft fee back. Thanks, PNC – your pity saved me $30!

I do have a savings account. Like, a real savings account that is stored away and I cannot get to. It has $220 in it! That’s SO MUCH! I’m kind of impressed with myself. I’m pretty sure this pre-approves me for a Visa Black Card.

Speaking of credit, I only have one credit card. It’s to the store where I work. I know whenever a payment is coming up because, you know, I work there. And yet once in a while, this payment totally eludes me. I take everyone else’s payments and go, “Thank you ma’am, yes sir, great day today!” but do I make a payment? No. Do I go home and set one up online? No. I ONLY HAVE ONE CARD! AND I WORK FOR THE COMPANY! And I still miss payments? This is not the life choices of a mid-twenty-year-old!

I’m more concerned about my Pottermore email than I am paying bills. Sad, but true. (Update: I got into Pottermore but I am not Gryffindor or Hufflepuff as predicted in my HelloGiggles bio, rather a Ravenclaw – who am I?!?!!? I’m in my mid-twenties and don’t even know myself! MY WHOLE LIFE IS A LIE!)

I am 4,000 miles and 10 months overdue for an oil change. My boyfriend is a mechanic. He has a coupon for a free oil change. I still have done nothing about this.

THE MUSIC AT THE BAR IS WAY TOO FRACKING LOUD.

I finally tried those popsicles with the antioxidants and survived, so that’s good news.

I still can’t hang a picture straight.

I still don’t prime before painting.

I’m sleepy.

I like bed.

How often should I wash my sheets?

I AM NOT READY FOR THE MID-TWENTIES!

I have just a few days to get focused and learn to act like an adult. I need to prepare. I need to vacuum more often and dust the baseboards and hang curtains and buy red AND white wine glasses. I should learn what a 401k is and get another towel and regularly brush my hair. I should also learn to cook something that requires a vegetable. Those are the keys to adulthood.

  • http://www.facebook.com/AprilcMcLean April McLean

    Will you PLEASE be my BFF?! I love old people! And I will tell you every day how TRULY young you are. Always. Forever. I’m perfect… I mean.. YOU’RE PERFECT! 😉

    • Becca Sands

      I’m not sure I want to compete with Marianna everyday for your affections. She’d always win. And then I’d be left there, sad and alone, like that kid when his snowman melts. IS THAT WHAT YOU WANT?

  • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=614181889 Angie Ramsey

    Totally love you! I’ve been feeling like this for years. I turn 30 next year. Pottermore is very important as we get to shape it’s existence! When have our bills ever done that? lol BTW CrimsonWolf34 is my pottermore name….add me…though I’m wondering how I ever became a Slytherin…

  • http://www.facebook.com/alisanani Alisa Bishop

    I am right there with you, I feel so old and yet so immature, and I’m 25 . D:

  • http://www.facebook.com/michellehetuuu Michelle Hetu

    This is me. I swear. You’re not alone! More importantly (well, really just more important to me), I’M NOT ALONE! 😀

  • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=598979201 Crystal Padilla

    For the love of pie, I feel exactly the same way and I’m 27. Good to know I’m not the only twenty-something-headed-toward-thirtiesville who feels so immature for her age. You’re great; Consider yourself followed.

    Just not in the creepy way but in the twitter and tumblr way. Woot!

  • http://www.facebook.com/ambyreader Amber Read

    Oh lord, this is my entire life. I’m 26. I feel like I should be ashamed but I’m not.

  • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=636186651 Clare Bamford

    Lol, don’t worry. I just turned 23 in June and I’m still the same way. Unfortunately, I just recently was informed that I have Celiac, otherwise know as an allergy to Gluten (aka. no more delicious wheat filled products for me) and to make matters worse I am already a vegetarian for dietary concerns. So, I had to start cooking for myself. No more quickie meals at work or school from the cafeteria or whatever. I have had to cook and freeze everything for myself for the last 2 months. I think this has started me, sort of, on the path to “adult-ness”, but I know I still have a ways to go. So don’t worry about it. Beside, being an adult is pretty over rated anyway!

    • Becca Sands

      Clare, this is my BIGGEST FEAR! I don’t know what I’d do if I had dietary issues that forced me to be responsible. I mean, I get kidney stones, so I’m supposed to avoid certain foods, but of course it’s all my FAVORITE foods, so I eat it anyway (BECAUSE I’M A CHILD). Hang in there, girl. You can be my new motivation to learn to cook broccoli!

  • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=724247031 Julia Hogg

    “Honestly, if I didn’t have a roommate and fairly regular guests, I would be living in filth.”

    This is my life. I am 27. I stay up too late playing Angry Birds way too often and then wonder why I’m exhausted at work the next day. I tend to err on the side of Febreeze rather than washing something again (I’m trying to avoid excess water usage, I’m SAVING THE PLANET, OKAY?). I don’t think you ever really feel like an adult until you.. I dunno.. have to put the fear of God into some kid for being mean to your kid. Then I think you probably do.

  • http://www.facebook.com/molly.halloran Molly M. Halloran

    I’m 30…yes, you read that right, 30, and I think I probably still behave the same as I did in my college days. My younger sister just turned 24, and I have much more in common with her and her friends than I do with people my own age. I like to think of myself as a “child at heart” and not a childish idiot. That helps. Sometimes. Maybe, with hard work and a little luck, you can be like me and feel 24 by the time you’re 30. The upside to all of this – I think it prevents wrinkles because I haven’t got a one.

  • http://www.facebook.com/lisa.palombi Lisa Palombi

    I am still in the “early twenties” category, but I just graduated college and refuse to grow up yet! You’re post was sooo entertaining especially because it made me feel better because a lot of your points are true in my life as well!

  • http://www.facebook.com/malrice Mallory Rice

    I feel the exact same way. Turning 24 in February, much to excited about my Pottermore e-mail (Ravenclaw too, btw) but super excited for the future!

  • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=1955236 Lisa Clemons

    I’m 26 and don’t really feel like I’ve properly grown up yet. I think of being a real adult and I think of having a career type job (I work retail, wasting my BA and paying off my student loans in vain). My apartment is frequently a mess. I see other people my age who are married and/or have children and I think to myself: what? We’re way too young for that! It’s only been within the last year that I think it’s started to sink in as I realize I’m closer to 30 than I am to 20.

  • http://www.facebook.com/kcosby24 Kelly Cosby

    Thank goodness there are other people like me.
    Please write more.

  • http://www.facebook.com/erickadperry Ericka Perry

    i am past my twenties, yet, i still suffer from all of the above. and you know what? i dont care. :)

  • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=868805084 Jodi Styner

    You just need to get older friends. Like ONLY older friends. Problem solved. You’re welcome. But seriously, there’s nothing like hanging out with a bunch of 30 year olds that makes you feel like you’ve got ages to grow up. I know because I’m one of the 30-year-olds. Fuck. I need new friends. I’d like to be your friend, but I think I might have too many mid-20s friends for my sanity. And not enough towels :)

    • Becca Sands

      You just publicly told me you don’t want to be my friend. So thanks for that, Jodi, it was really good for my ego.

  • http://www.facebook.com/carlynn.lane Carly Lane

    If this is what not being adults is all about, let’s just not be adults together, okay? Okay.

  • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=750795059 Jennifer Graves

    I’m 32 and I behave a lot like this. I don’t own a mop. I bought matching curtains for my living room after living there for 5 years with throw blankets for curtains and I bought them in 2 different sizes accidentally, but I just hid the longer one behind a love seat instead of returning it or hemming it. And I didn’t bother to iron them. My laundry habits mimick those of a college student when I use more fabreeze than detergent per month. I find most household chores boring and a time suck. I’d rather be doing most anything else besides clean or cook. I don’t believe I should have to conform to society because of my age. Life is short. Enjoy it the best way you know how.

  • http://www.facebook.com/sparklepotamus Liz Minnix

    I just turned 24 on Sunday. After complaining that I’m no longer a sexy 21 and I can’t stay out and party all night I decided we should stay out and party all night! I live in a 24 hour town so I mean ALL night…. OH THE HANGOVER! Thanks for that 24, apparently hangovers get worse with age. It’s all good though I crashed on my couch, which is the first piece of furniture I bought with my own adult money (plus to being old!), and had Jimmy Johns delivered while gossiping with my rommie about the shenanigans from the night before…. I guess not a whole lot has changed. My advice? Invest in some alkaseltser and a back up case of gatorade, hang some of that laundry outside so it smells “fresh,” and make 24 the new 23!

  • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=100000188968373 Katie Maz

    This just makes me feel better about myself, really… :)

    • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=100000188968373 Katie Maz

      not that you’re worse, i probably am to be honest! i just mean, now i know i’m not alone!

    • Becca Sands

      Totally understand, Katie! I feel like that’s my purpose in life: to let people know that I’m just as big of a weirdo as they are. Solidarity, girl!

  • http://www.facebook.com/mgrace.cook Mary-Grace Cook

    I think what’s worse in when you have a kid! I’m constantly in a state of wondering, “Is this what ‘adults’ feel like?! I swear I’m a 12 year old trapped in a 25 year olds body! Oh god, is this what my parents felt like?

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