I'm So Not an Adult Yet Becca Sands

I'm So Not an Adult Yet

About a month ago, I fell in the shower. It was an epic fall that left me on the brink of death. As my side throbbed and head went dizzy, I thought to myself, This is what death  feels like. I got up, tried to keep shaving my legs but ended up passing out instead. Seriously. And all I could think about was how I am clearly really old.

Now it has come to my attention that on Monday I turn 24, which only confirms my suspicions that I will die soon.

Twenty-freaking-four. I’ve been told this puts me in my “mid-twenties” as opposed to the “early-twenties” which sounds so much more carefree and fun and sexy. I never thought I’d be that person who had a problem with getting older but as my belly rounds out and I notice some cellulite on my butt and wrinkles around my eyes, I’m starting to feel very uncomfortable with this mid- idea. Because I am nowhere near being adult.

I’m watching Sex and the City and Miranda just said, “Sometimes I don’t do laundry for two weeks.” She said this as if it was really shameful, which makes me wonder just how ashamed I should sound when I tell you guys that it can take me a month or longer to get my laundry half-done. And it’s not like I have a ton of clothes that make laundry unnecessary for so long. I have very few clothes. And I hardly do laundry. Don’t breathe deeply around me.

Then again, Alanis Morissette is kissing Carrie Bradshaw right now, so I’m not sure I can take this show seriously ever again.

Also, doing dishes is like, really complicated for me. And taking out the trash. Honestly, if I didn’t have a roommate and fairly regular guests, I would be living in filth. I also hardly ever eat full meals and mostly rely on Auntie Anne’s because they have a mall employee discount. Also, Chick-Fil-A workers may or may not recognize me and go, “Heeeeeey!” every time I come in. We have a rapport going, you know? Yeah, you know.

This one time, I was charged a fee at my bank that made no sense to me so I went in to figure it out. The woman was awesome and nice, but as she looked at my account, she went, “Wow, you, ah. You eat a at Chick-Fil-A a lot.” I don’t think I’d ever been so embarrassed in my life. She wasn’t mean about it, she was joking around, but I know I went bright red.

“I DON’T HAVE A KITCHEN IN MY HOUSE!” I practically yelled this in her face and I’m pretty sure spit slapped her on the cheek. It’s a complete lie: I have a fridge, an oven, even a sink, but there is literally no counter space which makes it impossible to cook or even make a sandwich to go. So I eat a lot at the mall food court and since there is no salad place, Chick-Fil-A is my safest bet, okay?

Yeah, I get their nuggets or fried sandwich, but why make a federal case about it?

Anyway, she seemed to forgive me for being completely disgusting and said, “Oh yeah, they’re opening one down the road from us, I guess I know where I’m going for lunch every day, LOLOLOLOLOLOLOL!” and I think she felt so bad for me and that’s why she gave me that overdraft fee back. Thanks, PNC – your pity saved me $30!

I do have a savings account. Like, a real savings account that is stored away and I cannot get to. It has $220 in it! That’s SO MUCH! I’m kind of impressed with myself. I’m pretty sure this pre-approves me for a Visa Black Card.

Speaking of credit, I only have one credit card. It’s to the store where I work. I know whenever a payment is coming up because, you know, I work there. And yet once in a while, this payment totally eludes me. I take everyone else’s payments and go, “Thank you ma’am, yes sir, great day today!” but do I make a payment? No. Do I go home and set one up online? No. I ONLY HAVE ONE CARD! AND I WORK FOR THE COMPANY! And I still miss payments? This is not the life choices of a mid-twenty-year-old!

I’m more concerned about my Pottermore email than I am paying bills. Sad, but true. (Update: I got into Pottermore but I am not Gryffindor or Hufflepuff as predicted in my HelloGiggles bio, rather a Ravenclaw – who am I?!?!!? I’m in my mid-twenties and don’t even know myself! MY WHOLE LIFE IS A LIE!)

I am 4,000 miles and 10 months overdue for an oil change. My boyfriend is a mechanic. He has a coupon for a free oil change. I still have done nothing about this.

THE MUSIC AT THE BAR IS WAY TOO FRACKING LOUD.

I finally tried those popsicles with the antioxidants and survived, so that’s good news.

I still can’t hang a picture straight.

I still don’t prime before painting.

I’m sleepy.

I like bed.

How often should I wash my sheets?

I AM NOT READY FOR THE MID-TWENTIES!

I have just a few days to get focused and learn to act like an adult. I need to prepare. I need to vacuum more often and dust the baseboards and hang curtains and buy red AND white wine glasses. I should learn what a 401k is and get another towel and regularly brush my hair. I should also learn to cook something that requires a vegetable. Those are the keys to adulthood.

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  1. Gawd, this is my life. I’m 24 and I do believe the people at Taco Bell are two visits away from knowing my name. I have approximately 200 dollars in my savings account (hells yea!), and my boyfriend just laughed at me for ten minutes because every single picture in my new apartment was crookedly hung. And bars? Who goes to bars? My bed time is 9:30 – 10 at the latest. Being a grown-up is hard.

  2. 1) Marry me.
    2) Did you see stars when you had that nasty shower fall? I’ve always wondered if that happens!

    • 1) Okay!
      2) NO. But I did have a dream about Ron Weasley. I’m not even kidding.

      Becca Sands | 9/14/2011 08:09 pm
  3. Let’s be friends, fellow Pottermortal. Name’s LightMugwump152, Gryffindor House (i thought I’d be Ravenclaw but Gryffindor’s cool too)
    Also, here is the equation to figure out the max amount of time one can go in between laundry days:
    number of pairs of underwear+number of pajama bottoms+1=amount in days.

  4. I feel you girl! I turn 25 this month and I was just getting used to being 24, having my own place, an actual boyfriend, paying most of my bills on time, and now WHAT happens but I get a year older and feel like I have to be even MORE responsible than I was already trying to be! But I never dust my baseboards, so don’t sweat it if you don’t get there yet. I’m pretty sure you get to wait for that until you’re at least 27.

  5. I remember when I turned 17 and I heard the song “Jack and Diane” and it says, “hold on to 16 as long as you can” and I started to cry. True story. Now that seems laughable being in my early 30s, but I remember being 24. Out of college, but not really an adult. I remember thinking WHAT THE HELL AM I? Well, I’m 31 and I still don’t own an iron, and I still pull clothes out of the hamper and Febreeze them in the dryer to re-wear. So I suppose, hold on to 24 as long as you can, but 31 doesn’t have to be anymore “grown up” than you want it to be. If that helps. Also, buy some Febreeze. That stuff really works, especially for lazy launder-ers.

    Anonymous | 9/09/2011 11:09 pm
  6. I feel so much better about myself now! I thought I was the only one, but alas! I am not alone!

  7. Um, this is pretty much me at 38. I’m single and there is not much motivation to clean up my act. About four months ago, I decided the cleaning and laundry had to get done more regularly, so I hired someone to come in once a month. I wish I had enough disposable income to hire someone to be my part-time organizer – make sure I make dr’s and dentist appointments on time, get my car serviced, get insurance for my condo, etc. It’s not like I have such a crazy life that I need a full time assistant or anything. But taking care of home stuff is a big job that’s hard to get done if you have a full time job and would also like to have a social life. My idea is that you either have to become or get a house-spouse to make it work. Or pay someone to do it. It does make me feel like I’m cheating/faking at doing the adult-thing though.

    If I’m clearly nowhere near exhibiting the responsibility of an adult, let alone one who is in her late-30s, can I tell everyone I am in my mid-20s?

  8. I don’t think 24 should be mid-twenties because I’m closer to 25 than 24 and still not ready to be in my mid-twenties! I’m nowhere near being an adult either! Cooking is hard because I’m tired when I get home and it means I have to remember to buy ingredients and then use them before they go bad. haha. Aside from cooking and anything money-related I think adulthood shouldn’t be too bad, but I’m not sure! At least it’s good to know I’m not alone; there seem to be a lot of us twenty-somethings who aren’t ready for adulthood yet! Although, what does that say about our generation? Eh, who cares?!

  9. THANK YOU. I turn 24 tomorrow and I’m having very similar feelings about it… Eeek!

    • HAPPY BIRTHDAY, FELLOW VIRGO! We’ll get through this together <3 Support system!

      Becca Sands | 9/09/2011 09:09 pm
  10. I turn 24 next month and I feel like I’m going through a pre mid-life crisis or something. Mainly I guess because I can’t believe I’m going to be that old next month. I know it technically isn’t all that old, but I just figured I’d have more accomplished by now. I totally understand where you’re coming from so thanks for making me feel less alone it’s comforting! & happy birthday to another eighty seven baby :)

  11. You are so not alone, I turned 24 almost 3 months ago, and I keep forgeting it. Also while I’m reading this I have a mountain of dirty dishes in my sink, and cant wash them because there is no space in the sink, so I’ll leave them there untill they start to stink.
    I’m starting to think now, I’ll never become an adult.

  12. I’m 26 and I’ve wondered about how I’m supposed to act as an adult and worried that I’m getting old, etc. I find that adults are boring and I’d rather just be me, whoever I decide I am. You’ll figure it out too. It takes time and learning and don’t worry if you can never seem to make yourself enjoy household chores. I like a clean house, but I’m counting down until I can afford to hire someone else to clean for me. =)

  13. So lucky you’re in Pottermore! I’m jealous. I’m also 30, and this was the most important bit of information I picked up out of this article. At least you’re not a Slytherin, right?

  14. Here’s the thing… I only just got a chance to read all of this and I love you. My only suggestion- Dance like no one is looking and act like a freaking whatever you are. If you’re getting by with some to spare, you’re doing a great job in my book. (Maybe I’m not an adult either…) Enjoy your life girl…

    If all else fails, hire someone to be an adult for you.

  15. The boy I babysit for is obsessed with Toy Story, and we usually watch at least one of them whenever I’m there. They all make me cry, ESPECIALLY Toy Story 3. He doesn’t understand since he’s 3 years old, but seriously that movie is one of the saddest movies ever! Growing up sucks.

  16. You should wash your sheets every one to two weeks and your pillow cases once a week. . . Hope that helps. lol :)

  17. I feel your pain. This is so my life right now. I just turned 24. I may not eat at Chick-fil-a because there are none close to me, but I frequent the diner across the street from my house. I too don’t do dishes or laundry as often as I should. And I am so not an adult either..
    And goddammit I want a Pottermore account!

  18. Sweet girl, revel in your mid-20′s crisis. I am in my ‘early’ 30′s and wish I’d had your 20′s. At 19 I got married, at 20 I had a baby, over the next decade, I had a 2nd baby, a divorce, single motherhood, remarriage and a 3rd baby. Not once have i been able to get away with not doing laundry for more than a few days. Not only do I have to brush my own hair, but also 3 small heads as well (my husband can brush his own hair). I have no idea what HufflePuff is, we have no savings account because a family of 5 costs too much to have any left over, and I wish a house with no kitchen was a reality (no kitchen = no cooking, no cooking = no dirty dishes and THAT would be heavenly). I don’t regret the life I have, but I wish I had taken a moment (or a few years) to love and enjoy my twenties (any of them, early, mid or late), eating out night and day and never doing laundry…. Don’t be afraid of your impending 30′s, by then you will know who you are and what you want to get from the next decade. And hopefully you will have had no regrets about your past. Not to mention that surly by then you will have this whole Pottermore, Gryffindor, HufflePuff thing figured out as well. :)

  19. Wow… I have never felt in such company before. I’m 23. My cat has to remind me to feed her. My allergies to my cat remind me to clean. I have to watch DVDs of hour long tv shows to remind me when to switch my loads of laundry, otherwise they’d just sit there til they rotted or my roommates complained. I have the most difficult time in the morning waking up to an alarm (sometimes it shows up in my dreams as “the microwave that won’t turn off”). I have the ability to cook (thanks to a class I took in high school) but mostly don’t because it takes too long and I’m hungry NOW. If I didn’t have a careful system of reminders set up for myself, I would fail at life.

  20. i have been waiting for my Pottermore e-mail for the longest time!! btw, i loved this post. It made me thankful that I’ve got exactly twenty days until my fifteenth birthday… I still have time!!!! :)

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