Hey! Police officers don’t scare me! That’s not me bragging; that’s me admitting something. They should scare me – at least a little. I think I should have some sort of reserved reverence to them. I mean, they’re capable of, and authorized to, put me in jail. If I do something “wrong”, they’re the ones who enforce my punishment. They are LAW ENFORCEMENT. They ENFORCE… ENFORCE… ENFORCE!
But nope. They don’t scare me. And that is terrifying, bbs. Thankfully I’m a combination of someone who’s unafraid but who’s also desperate to please other people. I’m thankful for that desperate side of myself about 5% of the time. Most of the time, I want that part of me to go away. Being desperate is not a cute look. But when I run into police – or authority of any kind, really – I’m so, so grateful that part of me exists and comes out. Otherwise I’d be in way more trouble, way more often, and my parents are not trying to deal with that. Also, being in trouble at 23 is not edgy like it is at 17 – it’s scary.
Okay, so there it is. I have a little issue with authority (I know I’m not the only one…). I have been working on it, though. I’ve been working on my personal anger towards authority. I’m slowly realizing it’s not their fault. They’re not out to get me. Non of this is a personal attack. I’m learning that being rude to people in minimal positions of authority will not get me what I want, but it will make me look like a psychopath. I now have an awareness that when a teacher tells me to do something it’s not because they’re like, testing how far they can exercise their power (except for when they are doing that…), they’re just trying to teach me something, or reprimand me for something I shouldn’t have been doing.
So I’m trying to change… sort of. I’m trying to control the irrational part. But I’m not, and will not, change – uh, how should I phrase this? – the questioning part. The part of me that asks “Why?” when I’m not supposed to, or that thinks something that’s been a standard for a hundred years is ridiculous, or questions something I’m not allowed to do because it might or might not offend someone. That part of my “issue with authority”, I like.
I think that punks, Miley Cyrus, Sarah Silverman and Tyler, The Creator get called “bad ass”, “rude”, “crazy” and sorts of s**t that’s unfair. I think they’re all similar. They all say no to things they don’t think are right, and that takes being unafraid. And they’re the same as people like Bill Cosby, Hillary Clinton, Martin Luther King Jr. or any of the young punk kids running Silicon Valley. They are all people who go, “Hey, that doesn’t seem right, and even though you (AUTHORITY) are telling me it is, I know it’s not!” I don’t think I’m like these people. I think I want to be like these people. I want this little thing inside me that’s screaming “NO!” at things I think are unfair to find a way to come out that’s not just me being rude to the guy at Amoeba who refused to help me find the Brazilian music section, you know? He was flexin’ his power and I really just walked into it! But I mean, hopefully I can do something brave one time that’s actually helpful to someone.
I just spent three hours clicking around on the Internet looking for clips or quotes or “memes” (those are things right?) of people I admire talking about breaking the rules, questioning things, pushing boundaries and doing things you’re “not supposed to do” – and guess what?! I found ONE MILLION things. Every person I’ve ever heard of, liked, like-liked or loved has addressed this. It’s limitless. Apparently every successful person feels the need to break the rules. UGH. Instead of embedding a bunch of weird videos from that time Amy Poehler gave a Harvard commencement speech, the time Bill Cosby did anything or that time ANYONE YOU’VE EVER KNOWN SPOKE, I’m just going to leave you with one from all of our heroes, Nora Ephron (sorry it’s geared toward the ladies, but this is a site made by ladies for the ladies…so DEAL WITH IT!
“Whatever you choose, however many roads you travel, I hope that you choose not to be a lady. I hope you will find some way to break the rules and make a little trouble out there. And I also hope that you will choose to make some of that trouble on behalf of women.”
Nora just validated all of our bad behavior ladies, so make some of it worth it!