I’ve said it before, and I’m saying it again: I’m pretty ‘meh’ about the holidays. Ever since the Internet has taken to ruining Love Actually, pretty much the only thing Christmas has going for it is cookies, and let’s face it, we’re all adults here, we can have cookies whenever we want. This is actually one of my issues with the holidays – they’re full of things that are good, but there’s no reason they be limited to December. For instance, the holidays are one of the few occasions it’s okay to wear insanely sparkly clothes to parties. Why can’t we have parties like this year round, particularly in seasons where it’s warm enough that I actually want to wear a dress? Also, family and togetherness are great, but again, must we limit these to the holiday season? Let’s just get rid of this holiday nonsense, with the insane lines at Starbucks and the Post Office, and this bizarre ritual where we lie to children about where their presents come from and make them stand in lines to sit on the laps of complete strangers. (Seriously, the more I think about it, the more the whole Santa thing just seems incredibly creepy.)
Fortunately, I’m not alone in my attitude about the holidays. Behold, a list of characters people think are horrible for hating holidays, but are actually just misunderstood:
This poor guy gets haunted by the ghost of his dead business partner just because he turned down a dinner invite and was reluctant to give an employee the day off. I feel for him! Dinner parties can be the worst if you don’t like the food or the company. And while I get that the holidays are a time we’re supposed to have off and spend with loved ones, frankly, the timing can be really inconvenient sometimes. I’m in the middle of my busiest December on record, and if I didn’t have to deal with the hassle of gift shopping and travel, I would not complain.
This guy was unfairly maligned. He’s got a song about him telling him he’s “a three decker sauerkraut and toadstool sandwich with arsenic sauce,” but why? (Also, this song unfairly maligns sauerkraut, which is delicious.) Here’s the thing – the Grinch isn’t that mean. He’s a guy who wants to hang out with his dog in the privacy of his own home and enjoy some peace and quiet. He then decides to teach some Whos a lesson about materialism, and about the fact that Santa Claus is just totally creepy, both of which I think are things worth knowing. Frankly, I think if he’d been going to donate all those stolen presents and food to charity instead of dumping them off a cliff, we’d be hailing this guy as a hero.
Oscar The Grouch
My absolute favorite Christmas special when I was little was Christmas Eve on Sesame Street (which apparently originally aired in 1978, a year I was not yet born, but this still makes me feel very old). I used to listen to the cassette tape of this on repeat every December (yes, cassette tape, I am old). Anyway, the basic plot is that Oscar the Grouch tells Big Bird that Santa probably won’t be able to fit down the chimney and deliver any presents, so Big Bird freaks out and decides to wait for Santa on the roof, everyone thinks he’s gone missing, panic ensues, etc. Like his green colored counterpart the Grinch, I think Oscar is also just trying to teach a lesson about materialism. Must we really be so obsessed with presents? (Can you tell I haven’t done any of my Christmas shopping yet?)
I’m really not a mean-spirited person; I’m all about peace on earth and goodwill towards men. I’m just not that into picking out presents and a month of mandatory merriment and telling kids that they should never take things from strangers, but once a year it’s totally okay to tell a stranger everything they want and then let him break into their home to deliver said things. (Seriously, you guys, how is this a thing?!?) However, I totally get that most people don’t agree with my ‘lukewarm on Christmas, strongly opposed to Santa stance. You can feel free to call me a Grinch, just know that I won’t consider it an insult.