Editor’s note: Today (May 5th) is Chris Brown’s birthday. This piece was one of the most popular in our history and we want to memorialize his birthday by reinforcing a message we believe in.
I’m sick and tired of people acting like it’s no big deal that Chris Brown will be performing at the Grammys.
I’m frustrated that the mainstream media is covering this story like it’s any comeback story, like an exiled prince’s return to a former glory, like this is another political timeline — as though some rich and powerful old white men in the music business have not just issued an enormous ‘f**k you’ to every woman who has been, is or will be on the receiving end of domestic violence.
We should be furious.
Why aren’t we?
A Long, Long Time Ago, or Three Years Ago, But Who’s Counting?
For those of you who are currently listening to ‘Look at Me Now’ and wondering what the big deal is, a quick recap: The night before the Grammys in 2009, Chris Brown got angry at his girlfriend, Rihanna, and he took it out on her face. She went to the hospital and then to the LAPD, where this photo was taken and promptly leaked to TMZ. (The LAPD issued a stern statement on the leak, threatening penalties “up to and including termination”. TMZ reportedly paid $62,500 for the photo.)
Both Rihanna and Brown had been scheduled to perform at the Grammys the following evening. Neither did.
Instead, Chris Brown turned himself into the LAPD at 7 pm, was booked on suspicion of criminal threats and was released on $50,000 bail.
Then the Internet exploded.
I was a full-time entertainment writer at the time, so I had a front-row seat to the action. This is what I expected: I expected a string of celebrities to comment on how horrific this situation was, how sad and angry they were for Rihanna, how domestic violence is unacceptable in any context, how as a nation we need to condemn this and condemn it loudly.
Instead, Hollywood went silent and, when they did speak, they teetered on the brink of defending Chris Brown.
Carrie Underwood: “I don’t think anybody actually knows what happened. I have no advice.”
Lindsay Lohan: “I have no comment on that. That’s not my relationship. I think they’re both great people.”
Nia Long: “I know both of them well. They’re young, and all we can do is pray for them at this point.”
Mary J. Blige: “They’re both young and beautiful people, and that’s it.”
Jay-Z, one of Rihanna’s mentors, spoke up: “You have to have compassion for others. Just imagine it being your sister or mom and then think about how we should talk about that. I just think we should all support her.”
In a sane world, Jay-Z’s statement would sound insane. Why would he have to remind his fans to support Rihanna after what happened is that she got hit in the face?
Jay-Z issued that statement because the Internet was, in early February 2009, engaged in a very serious conversation about whether or not all of this was Rihanna’s fault. In fact, large segments of the Internet had devoted themselves to making Rihanna the scapegoat for any woman who ever had the gall to do something worth getting hit, and then the cloying self-esteem to go to the cops about it. Bloggers and their commentators flocked to Chris Brown’s defense in droves. It was a full-blown tearing-down of female self-worth, an assault on any progress women have made in this country in the past 200 years, and the mainstream media ignored it.
It horrified me. It still does.
Later in February, a photo of Brown riding a jet ski in Miami hit the Internet, and singer Usher was caught on video commenting on it: “I’m a little disappointed in this photo,” Usher says in the video. “After the other photo [of Rihanna's bruised face]? C’mon, Chris. Have a little bit of remorse, man. The man’s on jet skis? Like, just relaxing in Miami?”
The backlash was so severe that Usher was later forced to publicly apologize.
“I apologize on behalf of myself and my friends if anyone was offended,” he said. “The intentions were not to pass judgment and we meant no harm. I respect and wish the best for all parties involved.”
The message we sent to young women was unmistakable: You are powerless. You are worthless. You will be a victim, and that will be okay with us.
Fuck alll
Chris is the BEST !!!
The best at beating up his girlfriend.
I agree 100% with everything you’ve said. It makes me wonder though, with your question at the end “What if Chris Brown had hit Taylor Swift?” Which brings me to a second question, if he had, would things be different because of the color of her skin, or because of the type of music she performs, or because of the persona she portrays. Maybe it would be different because she would be more vocal than Rhianna, It’s an interesting question
This article to me, and maybe I’m projecting my own opinions on the situation here, is not so much about how we should all hate Chris Brown for the rest of our lives, but instead of how badly the media handled the incident. Chris Brown plead guilty, and was sentenced, and is serving out that sentence. People can decide for themselves whether or not to continue listening to his music. The big issue here is how his actions were blown under the rug in the media. The message that was sent out was that hitting a woman is okay. It is those in the public eye who sent out this message who should be berated for their actions. Three years after the fact it’s a bit late to be chastising Chris Brown, but that doesn’t mean we have to let slide those who are still continuing to stand up for, or glorify his past actions. (And this goes for any instance in which the media, or those with influence, fail to stand up for what is right.)
ABC News and Dancing with the Stars lost my viewership completely the moment whichever idiot in their security department decided not to press criminal charges on Chris for the window incident and let him go on “Dancing in the Stars” without any objections. That should have been an incident which blacklisted him from broadcast television and given no doubt that this man has more problems beyond the incident with Rhianna. You screw up in the spotlight, you should lose it.
He has stuck his middle finger in cameras. Left homophobic tirades on Twitter. His “Team Breezy” on Twitter is a bunch of young women I am honestly scared for because they accept every one of his faults and will be openly hostile to any Rhianna fan or anyone who questions their favorite artist in any way, even when it’s something women should not take at all, and makes me wonder who they confide in as a relationship partner.
This man is not remorseful in any way, and no respectful man who was actually sorry would go on Larry King in some “Mr. Rogers in LSD Land” getup to be tossed softball opportunities for an apology which didn’t in any way sound truthful.
The man honestly makes me beyond angry and after the incident I hoped to never hear from him again. That Viacom and ABC remain in his corner despite numerous incidents of rage and a travel ban to the UK is appalling. If Elvis had done this in 1956, we would have been asking who he was in 1957, because the media would’ve stopped following him from that moment on. While Rhianna has moved on from it with grace and humility (and working it out through her MUSIC, which is appropriate), Mr. Brown will continue to play the victim, even if it’s beyond clear he’s the tormentor and needs a long, long forced break from the public eye.
Torture dogs & people will ostracize you, call for you to be murdered, boycott any and everything you are associate with and flood social media with complaints, petitions, and demands for you to be banished from sight.
Beat a woman & people will sympathize with you, download your music, praise your talent, post your YouTube links, share your victories, and invite you to experience one of the greatest honors. They will support you, sing with you, and never speak a word of your past.
Both are horrendous crimes… why do we punish one perpetrator and not the other? Do we honestly value ourselves as women that little?
Agreed. Chris Brown should not be given opportunities like this and there should be repercussions for his actions. It’s absolutely ridiculous that Usher had to apologize for being completely honest about the situation. I won’t be boycotting the Grammy’s because I’m a very dedicated Foo fan but I will sure avoid his performance. Hopefully someone other than Jay Z and Usher will grow balls and address the situation. Dave Grohl addressed those loser Westboro Baptist freaks so maybe he’ll pull through here.
I agree with every word of this. This is typical of not only media response to violence against women, but response IN GENERAL. We’re told that we’re overreacting every. Single. Time. That we should expect this. That “men just get upset sometimes, you know how it is.” People make excuses for violence against women. “Well, to be fair, she WAS etc.” And if you speak out against it, you’re a difficult bitch.
(I’m a difficult bitch.)
I agree. It’s similar to the way people “justify” rape or blame the victim. I don’t care if the victim was a nagging, angry, jealous, whiny, over the top, golddigging, lying bitch. You. Do. Not. Hit. A. Person. In. Anger.
SN: The whole Planned Parenthood thing was a political move for the candidates that backfired. They didn’t think that people would support the agency since Komen got so big. Breast cancer isn’t the only disease around, and def not the only disease that afflicts women. Komen wasn’t going to be able to help those that would not be able to go get medical care due to lack of money. They used the abortion spin to get people outraged. Everyone got reminded on how much they really do compared to Komen.
I think this article makes a point on abuse but really its one of those things that is hard to have an opinion on because he still needs to work and make a living. Unfortunately, his job just happens to be in the public eye. I think that if people feel this way (like I do) they should just not buy his music. This is one of those examples of pointing the finger at someones faults because he is famous. Everyone is screwed up somewhere and does some shit outside of work that is not cool behind closed doors but that doesn’t mean your bosses should get involved. I don’t think everyone is just brushing it off on what he did. He got a lot of negative media attention and he was M.I.A. for a while. Just don’t buy his music. That seems simple to me. I don’t even listen to it since he’s been back. As a matter of fact, until this article, I had no idea he was making a new album lol. My daughter is into Justin Bieber lol. Unfortunately he will always make money. This is the along the same lines of all the music out there that degrades women…you gonna ban all those artists too for talking about bitch slapping someone? OR how about all the music that talks about sex and drugs? I don’t think this will have anything to do with domestic abuse. I’m just glad Rhianna got away and hope she stays that way and learned that love shouldn’t hurt. This is also like convincing those woman who write letters to inmates that its dangerous…people are sick too. They have no compassion but at the same time everyone has an opinion. Everyone goes out and buys all these things these celebrities make and glorify everything they do. Why wouldn’t he make another album? They’re human and have to make a living but guess what? Society doesn’t help, everyone wants to make bank off of these stories. People like to ignore real issues. He prob could have beat her up in public and people would have just taken pictures or video and posted it on Youtube and he still would be making another album…Instead of doing this, why aren’t you speaking out at women shelters? Volunteering your time instead of focusing on Chris Brown….?
I can’t stand Chris Brown, maybe I’m being overly judgmental or holding him to a higher standard, but honestly if I found out anyone beat a women as badly as he beat Rihanna I wouldn’t be able to stand them. And I no longer respect the Grammy’s if this is the way they treat domestic abuse, because Rihanna was severely beaten, but they are the ‘true’ victims. It makes me sick. I can’t understand why anyone would support him, although I’m happy to know I’m not alone in that opinion because I was starting to think that was the case.
I am completely against domestic violence of any of any kind. Whether it comes from a man or a woman it is completely wrong. If anyone did that to my daughter I’d be serving a jail sentence.
However, what gets lost in this story is that Rihanna also abused Chris. She initiated the slapping and punching that night. This makes her both an abuser and a victim. No, I’m not saying what Chris did to her was justified by her initiating the slapping and punching. I’m just saying that we need to be against domestic violence on both sides of the spectrum
We can’t have double standards. Hitting is wrong from either gender.
I remember watching something about men who were abused in relationships and the one thing I always remember them saying is that no one ever tried to help them. So they dealt with it until they hit a breaking point and did something drastic like retaliating which in turn was the only time someone took notice. That could very well have been the situation here. We don’t know though because we were not there, all we know comes from hearsay and a few pictures. And I fully agree that his actions were awful, but the fact of the matter is I’m not him I don’t know what was going through his head then and I doubly don’t know what’s going through his head now. He admitted he came from an abusive household and he has even said that he vowed he would never behave in that way, but he did. And he has to deal with that everyday of his life and go through his process of dealing with his actions and figuring out how to move on in his life. And regardless of what that process is its his and his alone he does not owe you or anyone outside of those involved anything. And what I find ironic is that there will inevitably be the comment that because she abused him it doesn’t make it ok for him to do what he did (and I fully agree), but on those same lines the constant harassment of him is also a form of abuse and what he did doesn’t make it ok for anyone to do that. To continually call for him to be shunned and to continuously keep pushing the idea he should lose everything is mental abuse and it could have very serious consequences. These articles and comments are like punches and each one beats him down more and more, but I don’t understand the purpose of making them. He can’t do anything about the past all he can do is move forward and try to become a better person. And yeah he does stupid shit still, but he’s young and CLEARLY dealing with a hostile public so I’m sure he’s doing the best HE can. But in the end I don’t know and you don’t know, the only thing I do know is I don’t want to turn on my TV and find out this kid killed himself because he could never escape a mistake. We need to stop vilifying people without knowing the whole story, because in the end it does nothing to help if anything it hurts. Instead of keeping Chris Brown from performing why don’t we put our energy into actively working to stop abuse and helping the woman stuck in an abusive relationship because she is poor and has children and has no way out because getting that woman and her kids out of that situation changes their lives. One less child witnesses abuse, one less child learns to abuse, one less child grows up to abuse. See how that works.
Keep in mind that the majority of domestic violence is exactly this situation, a reciprocal fight escalating and the bigger, stronger person ended up beating the shit out of the smaller, weaker one. That’s not “equal” domestic violence. That’s an abusive relationship where a woman tries to defend herself.
I’m not saying that I support Chris Brown, and I also don’t think it’s necessary to victimize Rihanna. I agree with what was said earlier, by Charles Gilmore Jr. When the story first came out I remember one of my friends supporting Chris Brown in the matter and I thought she was being ridiculous, and then I looked into it. Rihanna, while arguably provoked by Chris Brown’s possible infidelity, hit HIM first. I’m not saying that Brown doesn’t deserve blame in the matter, but we need to remember that she hit him too, and everyone forgot about it because she was the one with the bruised face. The problem I continually run into with staunch feminists is their perceived blind eye turned towards things like that, and–sorry to generalize there–but I think if we want to make comments on the matter, or judge anyone, we need to look at the whole story and not stop at the evidence that was conveniently provided for us. We forget that there are two sides to every story because it tends to complicate things. I fully agree that the Grammy’s shouldn’t have invited Chris Brown to perform this year, but to say that he shouldn’t have a career at all is extreme. I wish there had been some reporter who could have investigated whether the allegations that Rihanna hit Brown first were true, because if they are, then she likely needs some sort of anger management too…though at the time, and continually now, I still support her as a victim. I have a problem with people who were so harsh to Usher and Jay Z because they were completely right to judge Brown, as his mentors and peers. Obviously as the target audience for the media and incidents like this, we are going to have our own opinions on the matter, but I think that real change for Brown, and Rihanna, would come from THEIR friends telling them they need help, etc. and not us. We should pressure others in the limelight to act, instead of raging on over Brown continuing his career. I also don’t think it should be necessary to judge others’ comments based on whether they have been victims of abuse before (as suggested a comment above). That’s something completely personal that shouldn’t be needed to validify a comment.
TMZ reported numerous times that the argument started because Brown got text messages from a woman that he had a prior relationship with. She was talking about hooking up later that night. Rihanna became upset and jealous about this and began to hit and slap Brown. This has been kept out of the mainstream media but has been reported on TMZ a few times. I’m not saying it is right, just saying that if true she too is an abuser
I’ve never heard that Rihanna hit him at all before, so I’m not sure where you’re getting that from? Brown is a piece of shit.
We believe in second chances, and everyone should have a second chance…but Chris Brown should crawl into a box and not inconvenience us with his ongoing existence ever again.
Whether or not we like it, he still exists. Whether we like it or not, she’s over it. Let’s not pretend we’re shunning and punishing him on her behalf, because she’s long since moved on. We’re not making her the poster girl for battered women, we’re making him the whipping boy for all abusive boyfriends.
“A man who hits a woman in anger may eventually be permitted to go on with his own life, but he is not permitted back in my life, even if it’s been three whole years.”
Chris Brown is not the man who hit you. Chris Brown is not the man who victimized you. Chris Brown performing at the Grammys is not, in any way, Chris Brown in your life. It’s Chris Brown in HIS life, and you can turn the TV off if his ongoing existence is that much of a trigger for you.
Chris brown is in my life the moment he decided he was performing for an audience, expecting them to buy his records and like his songs.
I am part of the public towards which his whole PR machine is directed, therefore I deserve to form an opinion on him based on all the information I can get my hands on.
He may have not hit me, but as a consumer and a woman, I have every right not to forgive him for hitting another girl.
I honestly can’t nail down my feelings on this subject. There is never any excuse for a man to punch a woman in the face, that’s obvious. Chris Brown committed a terrible crime and I think that his actions said a lot about his character. He is paying his debt through community service and probation.
Being a singer is his job. Is he supposed to find a new career because of what happened? Or should he be able to make amends and continue working?
I honestly don’t know. It does seem as though a lot of people have just simply brushed aside his actions and allowed him to become a “comeback story”.
Yes. Your second paragraph is also a big issue for me and speaks to a much more complicated issue of how we tend to treat felons/criminals. We get really angry at recidivism and when people go back to bad habits and/or behaviors after serving their time, but also say, “Welp. This person deserves to be punished even more and should not be allowed to go back to the one job that they’re trained in and do well and has allowed them to provide for themselves.” I guess it’s a court of law v. court of public opinion problem, and the court of public opinion is often much more harsh.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sxPl9ftWGvY
This is a great article. It bothers me deeply that Chris Brown is performing at the Grammy’s and I am disappointed in the media’s support of him. I am also nearly equally disappointed by Rihanna’s glorification of sexual violence in her music following the incident. I know that a musical artist can choose to outlet their experiences/feelings however they want (and I still support her as a victim), but I was hoping that her music would denounce sexual violence and it sometimes seems to do quite the opposite.
This was something that needed to be said, and you articulated it so well. I’ve been of the same opinion since the whole Chris Brown/Rihanna scandal and am appalled at the fact that he’s continued to have such a thriving career. I’d never heard the quote about the Grammys being the victim of the scandal before, but that just made me even more angry. What is the world coming to?
Absolutely loved the article- it was so eloquently written, and I appreciate how you highlighted the medias response to this whole ordeal. However, I would love some direction as to how to act; is there a petition going around to call out the organizers of the Grammys? You have rallied us, now tell us how we can change things!
I didn’t know this was how the media responded. What the heck?!
I would like to know how many woman who wrote comments are actually victims of domestic violence. I have been a victim & let me say this: its a terrible, awful, scary situation. Just like Rihanna I reported my abuse the first time it happened. In no way am I trying to defend Chris Brown. I have been able to forgive my abuser and don’t live with hatred in my heart. I choose not to watch the Grammy’s. It seems that Rihanna has forgiven him because i am sure that she wouldn’t perform knowing Chris Brown would be there. It seems like he is a lost soul & only has gotten angrier. Until someone steps up and rallies against these power heads, no one will listen to anyone’s concerns. These are all empty words. Stop being angry & take a stand.
Totally on the same page as you! I cannot and will not listen, buy, dance to any Chris Brown music. The music industry may have been quick to forgive, but not I!