Lies I Tell My DaughterI’m not crying because I’m sad, I’m just clearing my eyes so I can see betterJulia Obst

I hate letting my kids see me cry. If my 1-year-old sees me or her sister Sunny crying, she immediately starts crying as well, even though she has no clue why we are crying. All it takes is 10 seconds and we go from a happy family to a group of multi-generational woman crying for no reason – we’re like a Nancy Myers movie.  Worse, though, is when my 5-year-old sees me crying, she gets all nosy and inquisitive and sometimes I just don’t want to talk about it. What am I going to say when the truth sounds so stupid?  “Mommy’s crying because Kim Kardashian has decided she no longer loves Kris Humphries and she has to figure out how to deal with disappointing him and everyone who attended their wedding and I kind of feel bad for the guy.” Or ,“Mommy’s crying because Daddy found her credit card bill and she got caught lying about a major purchase and he was upset with her.” I’m not sure she would get that.

Anyone who knows me knows that I am a little crazy when it comes to my favorite ’80s pop idols.  Really, the only ones I ever really cared about were Michael and Whitney. Now, that’s just bad luck if you ask me. When Michael Jackson died, I ruined my husband’s birthday dinner by sitting in a corner downing drinks and crying uncontrollably as people slowly and awkwardly left the dinner one by one.

Last week, when Whitney Houston died, I played her music over and over again in my car while singing along to it and crying hysterically. I never write posts on Facebook, but I posted five posts in one day about how sad I was during Whitney’s funeral. I WAS THAT PERSON. My 5-year-old happened to be in the car when we discovered Whitney had passed. Sunny kept asking me, “Mommy, why are you crying?”

Now, clearly I am not going to tell her it’s because Whitney Houston took too many drugs and OD’d and died. So I had to tell her I was clearing my eyes by crying and that it’s a process that’s done once you are over the age of 10 in order to prepare you for good eyesight in your older age.

Whatever works, right?

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  1. Depending on the situation, I will probably do something like this with my future kids. Of course, tell the truth in a gentle way if it happens to be a serious (and real life) situation. Why bother if it’s some trivial reason, like over a movie or something?

  2. I usually love everything on hello giggles, but I have to throw in my two pence worth here. I don’t have kids, but I’m a teacher and I find every day that kids can handle the truth just fine. If you give them a real and logical answer for something, they usually accept it and learn from what you’re telling them. I don’t want to be negative (and this is just my opinion), but I feel like lying to kids about real stuff might not be the way to go here :/

  3. I cried when Michael passed. I still cry. When I hear songs like “Gone too soon,” I’m a mess.

  4. i know the feeling…last year my Husband, 3 year old daughter and I were driving home from a road trip and got into a pretty bad car wreck. we all were fine, but the car..not so much :( a few days after it happened i was in the living room crying to my husband about it (i was an emotional mess) when my 3year old came out of her room and said “daddy why is mommy crying?” he told her to ask me..i looked at her and said”mommy is just sad because the car got broken” she put her hand on my knee and said, “mommy, you know, i was sad too but not anymore because WE are not broken, just the car” i could have died…that kid teaches me something new everyday :)

  5. I remember the first time I ever saw my mom cry. She was getting something out of the bottom cabinet in the bathroom, forgetting that the drawer directly above said cabinet was open. Yeah, it’s exactly what you’re picturing. It left a HUGE knot on her head and she sat on the toilet (with the lid down, of course) and held her head and cried. I was so amazed that grown-ups also cried when they hurt themselves. It freaked me out a little bit, but it also made me feel a lot better about crying when I hurt myself!

  6. you can tell her why and be honest without giving so much information… “mommy is sad because a singer she really liked just died and that is sad… I will be okay though” or as far as the TV show goes “it’s okay sweetie, mommy is watching a show and soemthing sad happened, but it’s just a show, and I am fine”

    I think being honest woud l et her know it’s okay to feel whatever she feels and it’s okay for YOU to be honest and feel things and she wills ee that it’s true.. you WILL be okay even if you are sad… then she will learn to be honest about her feeling too.

    just my opinion.

  7. ….but should you have told her the real reason Whitney (#rip amazing pipes!) died? I don’t even have kids yet, but that one would leave me torn – obviously you don’t want to scar your child beyond repair, but on the other hand, that might have a lasting effect that benefits her for the rest of her life.Hmmmm…