“I’m Not a Feminist, But…”
by Cézanne Colvin
“As you know in fashion, one day, you’re in, and the next day, you’re out,” Heidi Klum has ominously told the cast of Project Runway with every new episode.
The reality of being loved one day and hated the next extends far from fashion to nearly everything — we are, after all, a society collectively obsessed with trends and fascinated by the delicate art of staying relevant. And now it would appear as though feminism has joined the unfortunate graveyard of Uggs, landlines and Myspace — decidedly “out”. It simply isn’t “in” to be a feminist anymore, so why bother?
These days, well-intentioned suggestions of equality often follow in the footsteps of the phrase “I’m not a feminist, but…”, as if feminism is a disease we want to ensure everyone we don’t have before proceeding. As if feminism and being a feminist is something to be embarrassed about.
Perhaps to some it is, but that doesn’t stop us from enjoying the privileges feminism has granted us, including our sexual and reproductive rights, which are slowly being taken away by conservative politics while our backs are turned and our mouths are denouncing the very movement that lets us speak so candidly. We have a situation.
“I’m not a feminist,” Lady Gaga declared in 2009. “I hail men, I love men.”
God forbid that loving ourselves ever get in the way of loving men.
I don’t know where the notion began that feminism and loving men are mutually exclusive, nor why the natural choice between choosing equality for yourself or “hailing men” would be the latter. Like many women, I have a boyfriend. Despite popular belief and his mysterious inability to replace empty toilet paper rolls, I do not hate him. I have no desire to exert power over him; I merely want to stand beside him instead of in his shadow where social, economic and political matters are concerned.
This will most likely never happen in my lifetime. I will most likely never walk through an unlit parking lot, or even down the street, with the same confidence in my safety that a man does. I will most likely never not remember what it feels like to be sexually harassed. I will most likely never not feel a unique burden to keep my body looking a certain way. I will most likely never be assured that the reason I am paid less than a co-worker or stop advancing in a career is not due to my sex. I will most likely never have the same stigma-free sexual escapades as a man. I will most likely never not be seen as “too emotional”, when what is really meant is that I am more visually emotional than a man, the “default” from which women as a whole deviate. Also, that movie was really sad and you weren’t there, so you don’t even know. Please.
Despite this, I still have opportunities and privileges that some women in other countries — some women in this country — will also most likely never have. This is why it is important that we recognize the need for universal equality and never stop fighting for it, never stop informing ourselves about what’s happening in the world, never stop learning and never stop teaching. Just because we are more equal than we have been in the past does not mean the battle is over and we can all go home to our overpriced studio apartments. Just because we are mostly comfortable in our day-to-day lives does not mean that everyone enjoys that luxury.
Even femininity in its simplest form is societally looked down upon in favor of its superior counterpart, the almighty masculinity. (Insert curtsey here.) Women today have the opportunity to choose between a more feminine skirt or more masculine pair of pants to wear, whereas men in skirts are widely shunned. While this might seem like a female privilege, it’s more of a testament to the universal acceptance of masculinity. It is more acceptable for women to seem masculine (but not too masculine, so watch your step, Hillary!) than men to seem feminine, because femininity at its core is simply not respected. It’s coveted, glamorized and sexualized — for the ultimate pleasure of men, of course — but not respected. There are very few worse blows to a man than to call him a “bitch”. There are very few worse blows to a man than to be thought of as feminine. There are very few worse things than to be likened to a woman — to be a woman. I know. How rude.
For some women, it seems different. Most of us like being women, whether we prefer pencil skirts or pantsuits, but the strife between wanting to embrace both femininity and feminism seems difficult at times. Questions like “I like wearing make-up, so am I really a feminist?”, “I’m really into fashion, so am I really a feminist?”, “I like to cook for my husband, so am I really a feminist?” or “I want to stay home with my children instead of work, so am I really a feminist?” pop up, and the answer is always yes. The interesting thing to note is that make-up, fashion, cooking and childcare are all traditionally female interests and activities. The reason they are often trivialized — not valued as highly as men’s work or men’s interests — is because, again, masculinity is the ultimate trump card.
Feminism is anything but the rejection of femininity. It is about embracing that femininity and demanding that the world embrace it the way they have embraced masculinity for most of our history. It is about ensuring that women always have both a choice and a voice. It is about not being devalued because we happen to be women.
It’s not a bad thing to be a female, to be feminine or to be a feminist. There are no buts. If as women we don’t believe that, then who will? And frankly, why should they?
Featured image via José Gómez Fresquet, “Lipstick” c. 1970.
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09.08.2011 |
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Couldn’t agree more. I think its a shame that interests in clothes etc are trivialized and to be a man is like the greatest thing. Both sexes have there pluses and minuses and its about embracing it all a whole. If anything feminism is more important today than ever before because of the way its been trivialized, great article.
What a fantastic article. Very inspiring!
Thank you for writing this!! In undergrad and now grad school, I have always come up against women (and men) who find my interest in makeup and fashion to be trivial and I think it’s bullshit! I am just as much a feminist as anyone else even if I use hair products and am obsessed with Urban Decay and Tarte. Sometimes I feel like saying, “Get over yourself!” Thanks again, and great article. Maybe I will send a copy out to my feminist theory class just to see their shocked reaction!
terrific post, and i think hellogiggles is the perfect place for it. so many young and younger women don’t associate or identify with feminism, and i think this can be very dangerous. i’m so glad you’ve presented this argument in this way; hope it will resonate with some women who will realize “oh right, i AM feminist…and everyone should be.”
<3
Absolutely anyone can be a feminist! Women, men, children! Feminism is an ideology that isn’t any different from being a liberal or conservative. I have always found it strange that some people resent it or are ashamed of admitting that they are.
I don’t have cable so I don’t see a lot of commercials, but the other day while at my mom’s I realized that every single commercial revolving around a food product featured women doing the cooking/food preparing. They’re either in the kitchen, nagging their husbands to come to the table to eat or sweeping in the door apologizing for being late because the man “must be starving” as if he has absolutely no idea how to fix himself a snack. Honestly, I know more men than women who enjoy & do the cooking for the household these days. Hell, the guy I’m dating is a professional chef! Perhaps I’ve just been fortunate in this, but I feel as though society has actually (atleast somewhat) grasped the concept of “gender neutral” roles, but the media insists on shoving this old-fashioned, so-called “traditional” (ha!) way of thinking in our faces. These commercial executives need to step out of their 1950′s box & realize that, in the real world, people really don’t care that much about these sorts of stereotypes anymore. It’s now completely acceptable – and may I add, super sexy – for a man to cook a delicious meal for his lady. In my opinion, there’s absolutely nothing better. So, get with it Oscar Meyer & Scope (I know, not a food product, but seriously – have you seen the commercial where the guy puts practically an entire onion on his sandwhich?? Come on! He then tries to hide his bad breath so his wife/gf will still make him dinner, which she is late for.) I’m not a feminist but…jump on the bandwagon!
The funny thing is, on average, more household cooks are women than men, and more professional chefs are men than women. The second authority is involved, throw a man in there! Ugh.
I totally, 100% agree and couldn’t have said it better myself. In fact, I swear you took the words right out of my mouth
Thankyou SO much for writing this. I am actually having an intense disagreement with my boyfriend right now, because of his refusal and EMBARASSMENT to be labelled a feminist, even when I tell him a feminist is just someone who wants gender equality. It makes me so furious that there is such a stigma behind feminism when it isn’t even a radical thought! Sure, there are radical schools of feminism-like in everything, but the basis of feminism is just equality! When did equality become radical? I also believe that feminism is about breaking down the gender roles for men too, so that it’s widely-accepted for a man to still be a man even if he stays home to clean while his wife continues working and making the money for the family. This is becoming a more common thing in our society, so why do peole still think feminism is such a bad thing? I’m so grateful that you wrote this article! It seems omnipresent in my life lately and I just haven’t been able to find anything satisfactory to read about it.
thank you for this. seriously. you’re amazing.
Kristin Z, that’s something I noticed about commercials a long time ago, and it’s something I teach my classes. when we studying advertising: gender role. And it fires me up every time.
As for me, my declaration as a feminist is weird to many people. Many people, even women, don’t understand feminism. It simply comes down to having equal rights for both genders and women knowing they have a choice of what they want to do in life: be it a housewife or a CEO. I get ragged on for being a male feminist (as most people, even women, don’t know that men can be feminists too).
We spent some time in my college gender studies class on gender roles not just in advertising, but objects as well. Boys are given trucks to play with, and girls little kitchen sets. Train them young! Blue and pink assign roles to infants, before they even have a choice. I didn’t realize what I was doing at the time, but as soon as I was old enough to make choices, I rejected pink and refused to wear it, ever. I grew up to be a straight girl with long hair and a love of makeup, so it wasn’t about rejecting femininity. It was just about rejecting a role merely for it being thrust upon me. Because it constantly is, on everyone, aggressively, and people don’t even realize it!
This is a fantastic perspective on feminism. I have been trying to stress this point to women (and men!) for some time. It’s so hard for some people to wrap their heads around the fact that feminism does not equal man hating. To me, being a feminist means having the freedom as a woman to do whatever I please. Love men, hate men, be feminine, be masculine, work outside the home, or be a stay at home parent. We all have this choice, and should continue to fight for these choices. I’m glad you could word this so eloquently in a space where plenty of girls and women can read it!
When did feminism become a dirty word, and why have we been asking ourselves this for at least ten years now? It means a belief in equal rights, it’s that simple. It makes me crazy when women like Sarah Palin are hailed as strong female leaders because of their politics, when all they do is try to reverse the progress we’ve made towards equal and reproductive rights. Meanwhile women like Hillary Clinton, Madeleine Albright and Condoleeza Rice are taken for granted and overlooked as female role models by a lot of people, because they don’t have a size 4 waist and wear half of Sephora on their face.
IDK if you got it but I sent you a link of a recent quote from Adele (Vogue UK cover story, Oct. 2010) where she said that she only wants to have boys because girls are mean and she’s only been friends with guys (because her music isn’t about a shitty ex boyfriend). It’s a sad fact that it’s internalized in female artists that the only way it seems to appeal and relate to their fellow female fans, is to proclaim they are one of the guys.
Hidden due to low Click here to see.
Just because I can’t lift the same amount as a man DOESN’T mean I deserve to earn 75 cents to each dollar he makes. And it is never, NEVER acceptable to have sex with a woman who doesn’t want to, no matter how she is dressed. In fact, the contradiction of what media feeds us every day in terms of how we’re “supposed” to look and how the more we try for that, the more we look like a “slut” is mind boggling.
And have you ever READ the statistics of how many rapes go unpunished? Women do not hold the power there, most rapists are never convicted. WHAT ARE YOU SMOKING AND DID YOU LIGHT IT WITH YOUR VOTER REGISTRATION?
Controlling for factors such as education, age, experience men make more money than women for the same jobs. Why haven’t you factored this into your analysis of the situation since you also mentioned preferential treatment? Also: I like men enough to give them credit and acknowledge that they, as humans, can control themselves. They aren’t merely rape machines and I should be able to wear any damn thing I want / go where I please with no fear of retaliation.
No. Just…no.
Hidden due to low Click here to see.
I cannot, for the life of me, wrap my brain around why you are arguing so vehemently against an already marginalized social group. And out of all the comments on here, both of yours are the longest, while they defend a socially oppressive group against the oppressed one.
This comment almost seems like trolling. I get what you mean when you say men and women aren’t equal because all the arguments you make are biological. Every “argument” you provide I have seen fail in front of my own eyes. I’ve seen badass construction working ladies that haul ass and do the damn thing right along side men. My brother, who is a male, receives child support for his son from his ex wife. You’re making broad (BROAD, BROAD) generalizations and assumptions.
Excuse you. Biological disparity is no reason for anybody to treat anyone like a lesser being. You seem to be lucky enough not to have experienced marginalization, but some people aren’t.
well spoken, sister.
LOVE LOVE LOVE this article!!
Really Shannan? This is why rape goes unreported. A woman could be prancing around naked and rape is NEVER ok… Uggh, see, that’s not embracing being a woman, that’s blaming a woman. No, all men do NOT love women… there are bad men out there just like there are bad women… so don’t make sweeping generalizations.
I support women’s rights to choose. If a woman wants to be a homemaker, a stay at home mom, and a housewife I support her right for that. If a woman wants to be a mechanical engineer I want her to be able to do that too. I support equality. I also support recognizing your limits. A woman shouldn’t be discriminated against merely for being a woman, but she also has to recognize what she is capable of as a woman and that differs across the board.
Our rights for a lot of things are being stripped from us. Personhood laws are going to DESTROY birth rights in this country. Women are being forced to birth in hospitals and have cesareans for the “sake of the baby”. Our choices are being taken away one by one. As a WOMAN, I embrace my femininity. I also embrace equality. I hate the double standards, I despise remarks saying that they way you dress is why you got raped. I absolutely hate the fact that kissing a guy = sex= lying about rape.
I am woman, here me roar. I embrace it. We are powerful, strong, and beautiful and we have a choice. We can wear skirts or pants, we can go to work or stay home, we can be whatever we want to be and being a woman isn’t a hinderance. Feminism is not evil, we all need to embrace it.
In one blog post you have summed up a definition of feminism that I wish all women, especially other young women such as yourself, can appreciate. I long for the day when people telling little boys “you throw like a girl” is a good thing and when pictures of little boys are included in the Easy Bake Oven insert.
“A feminist is anyone who recognizes the equality and full humanity of women and men.” — Gloria Steinem (She would be pleased with this post, too!)
Thank you for your article. I always get suspicious whenever I listen/read something about Feminist. You see, I am a feminist and, probably like many os us, have also read/listened to people talking about Feminism in such awful ways. Reading something about the topic is always some sort of surprise box, ’cause you never know what you gonna get. It is sad that many celebrities see Feminism as a bad thing and, when I started to read your article, I swear I was fearing you’d make some sort of post-feminist approach and say “oh, Feminism doesn’t make sense anymore ’cause women have achieved everything they fought for”. But, lke you said so well, we haven’t. And, even if we, western women, did achieve that, what about our sisters in other countries? As long as there’s one woman being abused, we should all unite to help her.
They let girls be writers now? Huh.
I hear they’re even letting them be editors.
I always liked this definition of feminism: it’s the willingness to place yourself on the list of what you consider important.
I like that! Like this article, it shows that feminism is not something that we should be ashamed of, or made to feel guilty about believing.
I enjoyed reading this article… I am somewhat confused as to why abortion has become synonymous with feminism… The truth is, women are responsible for our bodies in ways men are not. We are responsible when we get pregnant or not. I am a feminist, but I am against abortion. Men and women have uniquely different roles and dynamics in society, but that does not mean that one is less than the other.
I don’t think you can be a feminist if you’re against abortion. You can think abortion is not for you and never have one, but other women live in circumstances we can’t even imagine and denying them that right is to push them into backstreet butchers and coat hangers.
Totally agree. Being pro-life is not about taking rights away, but giving that new little person (And half the time, FEMALE) the right to live. Plain and simple.
I believe that being a feminist means giving women the ability and support needed to keep their children. Pushing them into a position of having to abort a baby because they cannot afford it or cannot take care of it is yet another means of bullying. Education and contraception should definitely be offered for all women, but I have an issue with abortion being a part of that.
Hbcfbdxifhgbh, you expressed that beautifully, Valerie! I not only am pro-life, but pro-sex ed and pro-compassion .
Just because you are against abortion does not give you the right to take away someone elses right to choose. I could not have an abortion and indeed did not choose that option when I became pregnant, but I will not take away that choice from someone else.
I also think it is hugely insulting to men to say that they do not have the willpower or the maturity to be able to say no to sex with an obviously drunk woman no matter how they are dressed. They don’t have any self-control? Really?
As has been mentioned on here there are some men who are not hugely built and there are some women who are and do great in the construction business (my dad is a foreman for commercial properties, I know).
One of the scariest things I see in this country are the number of laws either in effect or going in to effect or waiting to be voted on that are limiting peoples choices simply because there are some people who don’t like x,y,z. Fine, don’t like it but don’t think that you have the right to tell others how to live their lives or limit what they can do in their own personal lives. It is these limitations that is slowly strangling what this country was originally founded for.
Phew, soapbox over. Great article, btw =)
As a guy, I’m not a feminist, then again, I’m not a misogynist either. Far from it. I’m a complementarian. It’s kind of like what Shannon Remanda is saying, in a much less aggressive way.
As a complementarian I believe in equal rights for men and women, but I don’t believe they’re “Equal” in the sense that I recognize the fact that there are some fundamental differences between men and women and embrace them. Of course there are always exceptions, but in general, men are physically bigger than women, and women are more visually emotional (great way to put that, author!) of course there are more general examples, and they won’t always apply to everyone in every circumstance, but I’m not writing a thesis here.
TL;DR: Men and women should empower themselves in constructive ways through their society, government, et al, but don’t eschew the things that make you specifically masculine, or feminine, the unique expressions that are part of your gender identity.
Jeremy do you believe that a difference like women being more “visually emotional” is a biological difference or a social difference? I often think that many typical (or stereotypical) gender differences we perceive are just because that’s how we were raised. Maybe I feel more free to cry when I’m sad because it was acceptable and expected that a girl would cry when she was sad. I know that many people believe that these are actual biological predispositions. I tend to think it’s how we’re raised, but I don’t know. Interesting.
It’s simply because of the extremist butch man-hating feminists. Nobody wants to be associated with psychos. It’s similar to myself saying “I’m not a Republican, (Or I’m not religious) BUT I am pro-life.” As if this will make my stance more palatable. There will be extremists everywhere you go. It’s the human condition. I just wish we could get over stereotyping because of a belief.
I’m a feminist, and I hate when people tell me I’m a man-hater: I don’t hate men (you see that person on my photo? He’s my beautiful boyfriend). I just want to be equal, and be equal means being able to control my uterus, earning the same amount of money for the same amount of work and not being shamed for wearing this or that, or who I go to bed with.
So awesome. Great article!
Love it. Rock on sistah!
Unpopular opinion: The world is moving away from the deeply polarized points of views that usually follow isms. Yes, women have been treated poorly in the past. And yes, there is still some inequality here and there in America. But, the new generations are tearing down those great divides that separate us as humans. We are beginning to live in a society, where girls can play video games and boys can wear lipstick and dresses. They can make these choices because they are no longer strictly manly or womanly, but rather they are just the choices they can make. We will live in better times, when people can make choices on their own, without having to belong to a group that tells us what choices we should make.
I agree there are places and people who are still vastly stunted on the way they treat women, but there is a way to find true equality, where everyone treats everyone with respect without the constant need to label themselves so they can feel like they belong to some kind of group of people.
Charles – I don’t see the harm in identifying with a particular group of people. We do it all the time – a fan of this or that sports team, a follower of this or that band. If anything, with websites such as Facebook and page “liking,” we identify ourselves with certain groups of people on a daily basis. Saying “I am a feminist” is just another way of identifying yourself. It’s not something I, personally, go around telling people all the time, but I hardly think it’s a bad idea to use labels, as long as it’s something that you get to choose, and not something someone else forces upon you.
Thanks for writing this! I hate that aside from fighting for equality, there seems to be an increasing need to fight this misconception. Bah. This is exactly why I wear my “this is what a feminist looks like” badge on my purse: to break the stereotype.
This is a great article and really well-written! A while back, someone gave me the ‘ol “I’m not a feminist, but…” spiel and I explained to them that, according to their own personal beliefs that women and men are equal, she IS a feminist. For some reason, the word “feminist” has been demonized and though people agree with feminist ideals, they state they’re not a feminist…I’m a proud feminist and so is my husband! (duh, men can be feminists, too)
A wonderful article.
This is a really great article and answers my questions to a lot of things!
I believe that being a feminist means giving women the ability and support needed to keep their children. Pushing them into a position of having to abort a baby because they cannot afford it or cannot take care of it is yet another means of bullying. Education and contraception should definitely be offered for all women, but I have an issue with abortion being a part of that.
Valerie Lynn White | 09.08.2011
And what do you think the lot of this child will be if the woman cannot support or care for this child? Our foster system? Have you heard the stories? Or being raised by a person who cannot support it? This is where a lot of child abuse stems from! Think about the ‘ever after’ part that comes after the end! Seriously, no one considers the consequences of after because its not them those consequences are being visited upon.
Fantastic article. I enjoyed that is spurred so many thoughtful comments, and generally when someone disagreed, they were polite and respectful when expressing what they did not agree with. This is how we should be communicating, hearing someones point and letting them hear ours, without name calling or resorting to any sort of bullying! We need to keep this up and make it the norm!
And, nobody gets ‘pushed into’ an abortion! You have to go to counselling, wait several days, in some instances you have to watch the abortion on a sonogram and listen to the heartbeat. So, no one gets ‘pushed into’ an abortion! It is made an even more difficult and horrifyingly traumatic decision than is even necessary! Yes, there are some women who abuse the process, but for many it is after a lot of soul searching, research and thinking. For many it is a matter of life for the mother or it is after a rape and if you have never been raped, or even if you have been as everyone handles things differently; do not tell me or anyone else to suck it up and have the baby anyway! Yes, it is not the babies fault but neither is it the woman’s'!
Even the bible states that the woman’s life is worth more than an unborn child’s!
Great article. I never thought of me as a feminist until I read it. Now I’m proud to be one.
)
I’m so happy that “unknowing feminists” will read this article and help other people to gain enough self-esteem to realize they are also feminists.
This is awesome. I cannot even count the number of times I’ve gotten in fights with my friends (male and female) about why feminists are not man-hating rage machines. Frankly, I’ve been starting to get sick of having to explain to them the fact that I can be a feminine woman who likes men and still want to work towards the improvement of the system for the benefit of women.
So thank you so much for writing this.
This is a great post! A very refreshing read! Thank you for opening the eyes of even more women who are feminists and wouldn’t have known it otherwise. I took a Women’s Studies class in community college and was blown away and inspired by the man who taught it: hugoschwyzer.net. I learned more in his class about being a woman then I ever did from this shameless society.
this is an absolutely amazing article. i particularly loved, “I merely want to stand beside him instead of in his shadow where social, economic and political matters are concerned.” mostly because that is the goal that i battle for on a daily basis.
I loved that you addressed how being feminine does not mean you’re not a feminist. it is a good reminder that as WOMEN no matter what kind of woman we are, we must constantly fight and educate and learn until equality is reached. I hope with every fiber of my being that it will be in this century.
Thank you for writing this.
“Feminism is anything but the rejection of femininity. It is about embracing that femininity and demanding that the world embrace it the way they have embraced masculinity for most of our history.” Thank you for pointing out that women don’t have to be like men to be feminists. I’d like to see the day when stay-at-home moms are respected for their choice to stay at home and women don’t have to have high power jobs to be taken seriously.
you expressed so much that has been on my mind. i feel a little less crazy. thank you for standing up, thank you for writing this.
Good article!
I completely agree with what you said. The problem with how people view feminism is that, I think, people tend to polarize things. It’s always all or nothing.
Aaaaamen sister! I don’t know why everyone thinks that feminism is about having hairy legs and hating men – it’s not. It’s about self respect (or, if you’re a man, respecting the opposite gender) and demanding equality. It’s about knowing what you deserve and demanding it. Being a feminist is nothing to be ashamed of – it’s something to be proud of.
Great article – I corrected someone just today for trying to insult a man by turning his name into a woman’s – but I would agree with Valerie’s post above.
Feminism does NOT mean accepting the ideology that abortion is a fundamental right and that to be against abortion means to be against women’s rights. In fact, the pro-life stance is the truest fulfillment of feminism.
Feminism at its core is about respect for human life and human rights. It is about protecting the weakest of the weak, those who cannot defend themselves. It is not about classifying which form of human life deserves more rights than others. While I agree completely that women should have autonomy over their own bodies, I believe there should never be a situation that pits a woman against her pre-born child in the first place.
The early feminists were overwhelmingly pro-life. They viewed abortion as a symptom of, not a solution to, women’s inequality in society.
Please don’t pass judgement on us pro-life feminists unless you’re prepared to claim that these women – who did more for women in the U.S. than most of us could ever dream to do – were also not feminists.
http://www.feministsforlife.org/history/index.htm
Sorry, but I don’t believe you can be a black and white no exceptions pro-lifer AND a feminist. It’s an issue with a LOT of complications (shades of grey, if you will) , but if you believe someone must undergo an incredibly stressful, damaging and even sometimes fatal experience because YOU don’t like the alternative, you are not a feminist.
You all need to read ‘How to be a Woman’ by Caitlin Moran. Feminism may be dead Stateside but over in the UK we’re entering into a new field of debate and way of thinking thanks to this book. Order it now!!
Look, the issue of pro-life/pro-choice is only about what’s legal, and the fact that if abortion is legal it can be regulated, to keep it a safe procedure for those who choose it. I don’t think there’s anyone who is actually “pro-abortion.” It’s always seen as a last resort, and until people stop having sex altogether, rape becomes non-existent, or we come up with a birth control option that is 100% effective for those who have intercourse (voluntarily or not) reproductive rights are going to be an aspect of feminist discourse. And frankly, in a safe relationship with a man, it’s his responsibility as much as it is the woman’s if they have decided as a couple not to procreate.
Just for the record, I have no shame in saying I’m a feminist.
I LOVED THIS POST!
when I was around 12 years old I read this book about feminism directed to young women and felt really appealed to the idea of calling myself a feminist. The book (too bad I can’t remmember it’s name!) spoke about assuring our place as women, making ourselves respected , but, most of all it spoke that feminism really is fighting for a world in which bothe MEN and WOMEN are seen as equals, not as in identical, but in their dignity.
As I grew up I become discouraged by the idea of feminism, I saw many groups defining themselves as feminists thrashing men, renouncing to their femininity, discriminating institutions such as the church, fighting for abortion to be legal, etc.
I Love being a girl and expressing my femininity, I am strongly pro-life and a Catholic(many feminist groups have been quite strong about critizising my faith), as well as this I LOVE men.
But I guess you could say I am a feminist. In philosophy. I believe that these women (with all do respect) who fight discrimination with more discrimination. do feminism a disgrace, and prevent true feminists of building a world in which all are seen as equal.
I was just looking up the feminist position about abortion and found this…
http://www.feministsforlife.org/news/commonw.htm
I found it interesting and inspiring…
What’s great about feminism is that it gives women the right to express themselves, e.g. in this comment thread. We’ve got a real philosophical discussion going here, with people coming in from different sides of the feminist spectrum, and it’s great – but what I think is REALLY INTERESTING is that without feminism, we wouldn’t be ALLOWED to discuss important issues in comment threads like this in the first place.
Without feminism, we wouldn’t have access to computers, books, jobs, an education, opinions; a gathering of women would be closely monitored; women wouldn’t be considered as separate entities; we wouldn’t be able to express ourselves through our snappy dress sense; we wouldn’t date who we liked – we’d walk behind men. We wouldn’t be able to be WHO WE ARE.
I don’t know about you, but I like being me. I’m opinionated and rash and shy and awkward and I love to read Roald Dahl, and it’s all part of my identity. Without feminism, we’d lose our identities. Feminists don’t want men to walk behind women, and we’re generally not pro-women or anti-men; we just want to be able to walk beside each other, hold hands and eat ice-cream.
And girls who say “I’m not a feminist, but…”, if you like being able to walk in the street on your own without fear, then you’re a feminist, at least a discreet one. And if you don’t care for being a world-shaker, if you’re perfectly content looking after the kids at home and cooking meals for your bread-winning husband, you’re still very much welcome to feminism. So are the girls who like fashion and love hair products, have too much make-up and spends hours on the phone (like me). Feminists welcome you with open arms.
And just for the record, some people said here that women have already got what they wanted so we should just give it a rest. This is, of course, not true. With a new era, new trends and new feminist issues arise. Some may not think that things like botox and too high heels aren’t feminist concerns but I disagree. The little things reflect what we and society think of ourselves, can cripple us and keep us locked in little ‘socially acceptable’ boxes.
If you guys are interested try and read “How to be a woman” by Caitlin Moran. It’s a great read, she has such interesting ideas, and details in such a brilliant way things I hadn’t quite formed into words yet. It’s also very funny, it was #1 on Amazon for a while. (And no jokes on needing a manual to be a woman, because as the wonderful Simone de Beauvoir once said “one is not born a woman, but becomes one.”)
There. Now I’m off to get my ‘I am a strident feminist’ tat.
Maybe I’m just lucky and have run in extremely progressive circles all my life, but the vast bulk of places I’ve seen sentiments like feminism and makeup being mutually exclusive were websites that label themselves (and are generally accepted as) feminist.
I’d say that, switching out the person of pronouns, my experience much mirrored what Michelle said a couple posts up.
Rock on, kitty-cat! I was once at a feminist art conference and a when discussing Gen-Y’s hatred of the phrase feminism, someone suggested that we make up another more “user-friendly” word in its place. Artist Martha Rosler said, “”Why? No one’s ever suggested we use another word for “humanism.” Get over it.” I’m a pencil skirt-wearing, long term married to a loving but macho man (who is also toilet roll challenged), and adore my sports playing son. But I know that the privileges I and my ice-hockey playing daughter enjoy are only and entirely due to those women (and men) who have chosen to espouse the feminist belief that we all deserve equal rights and protections under the law.
Totally agree on your post. I think masculine skills on women tend to be praised while if a man has feminine skills like cooking or taking care of kids or knowing about fashion is sometimes badly seen (or believed to be gay). I think times are changing and that now more men are showing more this skills although I think it is happening slowly. Just today I was having a conversation with my boyfriend about men wearing make up to cover his pimples. He said if boys did that they would made be fun at school and sadly I think that would be true. However, I don’t see anything wrong in that although society makes it look bad because it is a women thing and women’s things shouldn’t be adapted by men. However, a woman that likes to wear suits and put on masculine perfumes is seen as something good. Why?!
I loved your post and I hope to read more posts like this in HelloGiggles and other sites. I think we’re so lucky to live in times of the Internet which allows people to give and share their opinions on topics such as this. Thanks for sharing your opinion with the world!
As a Women’s Studies prof, I wish you were one of my students. Thanks for this. Ani Difranco sings it best…”like lipstick is a sign of my declining mind…” and kudos to all of the above feminists…keep making some noise while wearing my fav, MAC makeup…
Love it, sums up how I feel in such an articulate manner : )
Thank you for this….Almost bring tears to my eyes!!!!
Finally, someone says what I have been saying since I was 16. My friends in high school laughed at me when I told them I was a feminist just because I loved fashion and wearing dresses instead of pants. Ladies should never hold back on saying they are feminist. Say it loud and proud. Thank you for writing this.
This was a FANTASTIC piece. I HATE that people don’t want to label themselves as feminists. Sarah Bunting wrote a great piece on this, as well. http://tomatonation.com/culture-and-criticism/yes-you-are/
you dont walk home on dark streets? meh, im pretty fearless. tonight for example i went to town on my own, caught a train home, then a bus and then walked 3 country blocks in the dark on my own at 1am. never really been afraid of stuff like that.